Tag: confidence

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Step: 5 Wise Counselor

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Jesus answered, “Everyone who drinks this water will be thirsty again, 14 but whoever drinks the water I give them will never thirst. Indeed, the water I give them will become in them a spring of water welling up to eternal life.” John 4:13-14

The day I sat on the edge of my bed whining to God about my miserable life – the lack of peace and joy – He spoke quite clearly to me.  “What have you really done (to be close to me?),” He said.  I got down on my knees and wept.  I prayed for Him to show me the steps to take to draw nearer to Him.  The next day He tasked me to go to the bookstore and get a devotional.  So, I stood in front of the hundreds of books and prayed, “Show me.”

The book the Holy Spirit placed in my hands that day was called, “Power Thoughts” by Joyce Meyer.  I try my best not to question God.  He knew exactly where my problem lay – my mind.

“I am content and emotionally stable.”

“I purse peace with God, myself and others.”

“I live in the present and enjoy each moment.”

“I am disciplined and self-controlled.”

“I put God first in my life.”

These are just a few of the “power thoughts” I read over the course of the devotional that year.  My God-centered counseling session began each morning to help me battle the overwhelmingly negative thoughts I had so solidly built.  My stronghold was not fear of man, in fact my propensity was to be ready to fight each day I left my house.  My stronghold was not fear of serving in His name.  I did that willingly and often.  My stronghold, my addiction you might say, was self-hatred and self-doubt.  My husband once called me the “Queen of the Woulda, Coulda, Shoulda.”

I’ve frequently been told I don’t come off that way.  But I’ve come to realize there’s a difference between what a truly confident woman in Christ looks like and one that blusters her way through life.

Allowing Jesus and the Holy Word to become my wise counselor isn’t easy.  It’s painful sitting in “the chair” having someone show you your weaknesses.  And I have many.  But the beauty of our Lord’s Word contains something that no one else can provide – a deep and lasting love behind every nudge, every reveal, every chastisement.

That’s not to say human counselors don’t have a place in our lives.  God uses many ways and messengers to guide us toward righteousness. A poll released in May 2004 found that an estimated 59 million people had received mental health treatment in the two years prior, and that 80 percent of them found it effective. But for the Christian we should seek guidance that has our faith in mind.  What is the point of a, say, marriage counselor who does not view or support marriage from God’s point of view?  When we seek out counseling for our weaknesses, past hurts, we should be reminded of God’s overwhelming love and forgiveness.  

This is why I love the counseling session at the well.

15 The woman said to him, “Sir, give me this water so that I won’t get thirsty and have to keep coming here to draw water.”

16 He told her, “Go, call your husband and come back.”

17 “I have no husband,” she replied.

Jesus said to her, “You are right when you say you have no husband. 18 The fact is, you have had five husbands, and the man you now have is not your husband. What you have just said is quite true.” John 4:15-18

Jesus speaks to the woman about truth.  Truth without condemnation.  Just the naked truth.  He goes on to share with her the truth about forgiveness of sins and salvation.  She had lived her life in sin and shame.  And kept doing the same thing over and over.  That’s what shame does.  It envelopes us to twist our minds into feelings of worthlessness, self-doubt, self-destruction.

Throughout Jesus’ three-year walk we see Him love and heal the sick, bring people into God’s service, comfort those in fear, teach so many about the ways of God.  And woven amongst the stories of His life are the counseling moments like the one at the well.  Moments where He uses all His God-given knowledge and skills to bring someone to a “truth” reveal.

Isn’t that what we seek when we ask a friend for advice about a problem?  Or go to a professional counselor concerning a life issue?  How can I fix this?  How can I fix me?  Unlike a teaching situation, where a topic outside ourselves is learned, seeking a wise counselor aims to reach into ourselves to find the “why?”

So often when our own friends or family express concerns about their life we know the “why” but are afraid of the damage the truth might do to our relationship so we stay silent.  That’s the challenge of being a wise counselor.  The culmination of all the Jesus traits.  

I believe the stories of Jesus’ counseling moments are included in the Bible not just for us to see ourselves being counseled like the woman at the well.  They are included so we can also learn to help others.  Others who are hurting.  Others who are living in sin.  Others who don’t know about the gift of forgiveness of self.

We need to take an inventory of how our individual lives, our fruit, our behavior are affecting the people we come in contact with.  The world is in such a desperate situation. Get yourself off your mind and see how you can bless someone else today.

Joyce Meyer

Join me this week, as we complete our series on The Jesus Mindset, in a deep dive into the methods of a wise counselor and how we might touch those around us, helping them to take a few bricks down from their strongholds.

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Laying By The Pool

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Then Jesus said to him, “Get up! Pick up your mat and walk.”  At once, the man was cured. John 5:8

“Lord Jesus, I offer myself for Your people.  In any way.  Any place.  Any time.”

Corrie Ten Boom, The Hiding Place

I was reading recently about what it meant that Jesus called Himself a humble servant of God.  To some that seems contrary – for someone to call themselves “humble.”  And at the time of Jesus the word “humble” was a vile and contemptible thing.  According to Christian author Charles Jefferson, there was no virtue in the all the pagan world known as “humility.”  It was a defect.  

As Christianity spread across the world so did its values.  One of its unique additions to the world was the concept of Christ-like humility and servitude.   It is possibly one of the most misunderstood of Christian values.  To some, it means having a low estimate of ourselves.  To others it means we deny ourselves and make ourselves inferior.  But if we accept all of Christ’s words as true we then must also accept these:

“I am meek and lowly in heart.”  Matthew 11:29

And yet we have never met a person who held their head higher, with more confidence, with such loftiness, as Jesus.  So often it seems we create a vision of the various character traits of Jesus and each believer then feels they must change their personalities to fit that ideal.  When we picture a meek and humble person (not Jesus) do we imagine a rich person?  Do we picture a courageous and bold person?  Or do we picture a small, weak person who lets people walk all over her?

As I’ve progressed in my faith this concept of being a humble servant is something I’ve really mulled over.  I’ve tried “playing” various roles that seem to fit the ideal.  And it’s funny.  When I try to be so quiet and meek-like it usually backfires.  The recipient can tell I’m being a phony.

About a year ago I heard about the book, “The Hiding Place.”  I know many Christians have read this at some point in their lives.  As a refresher, the story is a Christian family from Holland living at the start of World War II.  As Hitler’s army advances, the local Jewish community starts to disappear.  Two of the main characters, sisters Betsie and Corrie Ten Boom, find themselves answering God’s call to not just hide Jews but also play integral roles in the underground system of protecting Jews from all over.  What struck me about this book were the opposite personalities of the sisters.  Both answering God’s call to be humble servants in their own ways.

Corrie was the bold one.  She found herself tasked with much of the dangerous work outside their home.  While in prison it was Corrie who dealt with the officials.  Lest we think this was easy for her because of a strong faith, Corrie frequently questioned God about what He wanted her to do.  And each time she prayed.  And each time either a word from God or someone close to her encouraged her to move on His command.  Near the beginning of their story, Corrie is tasked with obtaining extra food rations cards.  She was led to speak with a local man who recently took a job in the Food Office.  But she wasn’t sure it would be safe.

“Lord,” I prayed silently, “if it is not safe to confide in Fred, stop this conversation now before it is too late.”  

Corrie Ten Boom, The Hiding Place

She found herself asking not for five cards but suddenly 100.    And within a week they were in her hands.  The danger she faced – being turned into the authorities– was replaced with her trust in God’s urging for her to be a “doing Christian.”

Throughout her ordeal, while at home and eventually in prison, she wanted to be so angry with the Germans and those who supported them.  She balked at loving her enemies and showing them mercy.  Really, who could blame her?  And yet over and over she submitted her heart and hands to God.

“My job was simply to follow His leading one step at a time, holding every decision up to Him in prayer,” she wrote.  “I knew I was not clever or subtle or sophisticated; if my home was becoming a meeting place for need and supply, it was through some strategy far higher than mine.”  

Corrie Ten Boom, The Hiding Place

You can contrast her submission to God with a local pastor she encounters.  He, on the other hand, when asked to take in a Jewish mother and child into his home was clearly frightened.  He admonished her for the “illegal” activity and warned her that what she was doing wasn’t safe.

The concept of being a humble servant doesn’t require of us to be a person of a certain personality or style of living.  A longtime pastor can fail while a wealthy man can succeed at this effort.  Throughout “The Hiding Place” one such wealthy man aids the underground effort with both his money and his own hands. 

In all of Jesus’ teachings we see Him asking us to do two things: love one another and take action.  Like the man at the pool who had been waiting for healing for almost 40 years he asks us to first believe Him then get up and start moving.  Along the way he wants us to be teachable and willing to learn.  He asks us to put aside our vanity and social aspirations.  He tasks us to serve and feed His sheep.  He doesn’t ask us to underestimate ourselves, make ourselves small, or feel unworthy.  In fact, He wants us to stand firm in the knowledge we are doing His work.

Corrie Ten Boom was bold and faithful and humble at the same time. She was always looking to serve the less fortunate and those in need.  And when she forgot about serving her enemies, her sister stepped forward to remind her.

I once took a leadership personality test at a conference.  The results weren’t that surprising.  I have a bold personality and I’m good at organizing.  But what makes any leadership situation successful for me is to be paired with a softer, gentler leader.  That person remembers those who aren’t as obvious and reminds me to slow down to see the whole picture.

Betsie Ten Boom was that kind of leader.  The book in which they are written of highlights her bold sister, Corrie.  But it’s this quieter, gentler servant of God that I saw as a thread throughout.  It was Betsie who would send up prayers for the Germans soldiers who were torturing them.  It was Betsy who thanked God for fleas in their new barracks.  While Corrie was dealing with the big problems, it was her quiet sister drawing people out of the shadows for prayer meetings in the middle of the night.

During one difficult transfer to yet another barracks, the women were made to stand for hours and hours.  The two sister’s personalities and approach to being God’s servants was evident in this exchange:

“Betsie!” I wailed, “how long will this take!”

“Perhaps a long, long time.  Perhaps many years.  But what better way could there be to spend our lives?” Betsie replied.

I turned to stare at her.  “Whatever are you talking about?”

“These young women.  That young girl back at the bunkers, Corrie, if people can be taught to hate, they can be taught to love!  We must find a way, you and I, no matter how long it takes…” Betsie said with excitement.

Are we that excited to serve God humbly? To be teachable, free from ambition, and vanity?  Have we looked Jesus in the eye and said, “I trust you.”  And when He has told you to get up and pick up your mat have you obeyed Him?  Or have you decided that you aren’t “good enough,” “strong enough,” or “smart enough?”  

Are you laying around by the pool, waiting for someone else to do the work for you? If you keep saying to God, “show me what you want me to do” and have yet to walk out your front door and serve your neighbors you’ve missed the point.  He takes all types in His Great Army.  Get your mat and get moving.

“All of us are different, but all of us can serve the Lord for His glory.”  

Warren Wiersbe

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A Tiny Message #1

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Did you know that Paul was a small, in stature, man?  In fact, some of the Corinthian leaders thought less of him because of this.  

You are judging by appearances.  
If anyone is confident that they 
belong to Christ, they should 
consider again that we belong to 
Christ just as much as they do.
2 Corinthians 10:7

We have the benefit of history and knowing the impact of the apostles, unlike the Corinthian leaders.  But who have you looked at and thought, “She says some good stuff but physically she really puts me off.”  That is exactly what they said to Paul. (2 Cor. 10:10). The name “Paul” even means “little one!”  Yet we can all agree he was certainly mighty among men.  

Is there something about you, physically, that is holding you back from fully doing God’s work? Are you uncomfortable being a greeter at church because of what people might think of you? Do you hide your smile because of your teeth? Do you not volunteer for something because of your weight? Here’s a confession I read that might help you:

“I proclaim that regardless of what I look like in the natural realm, I am a menace to the devil in the spiritual realm.  In that sphere, I am anointed and powerful, with the ability to pull down strongholds from people’s lives and minds.  I am so mighty in the Spirit that the devil and his forces flee when I resist them!  I declare this by faith in Jesus’ name!”

Sparkling Gems from the Greek I
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Faithful Healing

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I have seen their ways, 
but I will heal them; 
I will guide them and 
restore comfort to 
Israel’s mourners.
Isaiah 57:18

In our lives we all have had instances of brokenness, despair and desolation. Those times when we feel we are on our last leg, at the end of the rope about to lose our grip and fall on our last gasping breath before we give up and begin to drown.

Where we go from that point and what we do next speaks volumes about your current state of faith.

Do we lash out and blame those around us and our circumstances for the state of our woundedness? Or do we reach down into our inner core and summon the power of God’s promise to deliver us to a better place?

What I have learned about myself from facing trials in the workplace is that my faith, when strong, protects me with an armor of perspective. When I am weak and not connected with my faith, I am vulnerable to believe false accusations and claims of harm and wrongdoing. I recognize it, I know the feeling and know the damage it can do if I accept and embrace the crushing doubt.

When we are hurt we can reach in or reach out to God

What my defense mechanism triggers is a quick accounting of the facts: what do I have control of and what do I not have control of? Next, I better get right with God and do it quick. I remind myself — I am not in control, He is. Then and only then can I respond and act. Any other process, for me, is futile and ineffective.

One of my favorite scripture verses I lean on in times of introspection and self-assessment is this one:

And which of you by worrying 
can add a single hour to his 
life’s span?
Luke 12:15

Uhhhh, guilty!

And if I am on my game and thinking clearly my first response is to slow everything down and pray. Asking for discernment, clarity, and focus surprisingly works like a gem. Once we slow our racing mind, cool our sweaty brow and take control of our breathing in an effort to focus on who is in controls then the problems diminish, and the solutions come into clearer perspective.

God is that lens of clarity we all need. We are many times our own problem. But as Jesus promises, we –as in me and Jesus together– are the solution. “Don’t be afraid; just believe”- Luke 8:50

He said to her, “Daughter, 
your faith has healed you. 
Go in peace and be freed 
from your suffering.”
Mark 5:34

Time after time in scripture Jesus proved and made examples of the power of healing through faith in the Lord. Jesus was the conduit, but faith was the pathway to the healing and rebirth.

Then your light will break 
forth like the dawn, and your 
healing will quickly appear; 
then your righteousness will 
go before you, and the glory 
of the Lord will be your rear 
guard.
Isaiah 58:8

It’s a partnership of pulling together. It is not a miraculous anointment from heaven, a surprise cleansing. It takes suffering, acknowledgement, surrender and faith.

Together, bound by faith and confidence, we are everything and anything we want to be. Alone, divided and broken we are only a sum of the remaining pieces–weakened by trial and doubt.

We all can heal, but only if our belief in the Lord is strong and steadfast.

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Patience, Grasshopper

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I’ve told my friends that looking back over my life so far, I really have only one regret.  It’s that I wish I had a closer relationship with Jesus when I was the parent of young kids.  My husband and I attended church fairly regularly.  But I was wrapped up in childrearing worries and stresses and didn’t know how to turn all that over to God.   I could’ve enjoyed many more hours of sleep had I not been such a “woulda, coulda, shoulda” person.  I found myself, during a very long season of self-doubt about my parenting skills, constantly praying for patience.  Literally praying every single night for about two years for patience.  You see, I was so afraid of turning into my mother – screaming at my kids and losing control – that I thought patience was the answer.  One Sunday, our pastor’s sermon was about praying.  He said, “If you keep praying about the same problem over and over and over maybe it’s time to start praying for something different.”   He had a knack for speaking on issues near and dear to me.   So that night I stopped praying for patience and instead prayed for ways to help me deal with difficult situations.

As I’ve grown closer to Jesus, He has taught me a lot of lessons.  He’s still teaching me.  And step-by-step He has moved me closer to my original plea for patience.  You see, I wasn’t ready to learn the hard stuff yet.  He just wanted me to start turning to Him when I was in need, when I was broken.  Patience may be a virtue but it is a heck of a hard thing to have and use regularly.  

You, too, be patient and stand firm, because the Lord’s coming is near.”

James 5:8

I first needed to learn what standing firm, standing safely in God’s arms even meant.  I didn’t have the wisdom needed to grasp the joy in hearing that the Lord is coming near.  I heard on a Joyce Meyer’s podcast this morning that God gives us a lot of leeway and grace when we first become Christians.  But once we hear the Word and gain His wisdom, expectations change.  We are expected to act as His children, not as children of this world.  Think about that.  Every time we attend church, do a Bible study, listen to a Christian podcast, see a Christian post on social media we are hearing His Word.  We are learning the nature and expectations of God.  And He expects us to live as He prescribes.

A person’s wisdom yields patience; it is the one’s glory to overlook offense.

Proverbs 19:11

Wisdom that we glean from God yields patience.  And when we are patient, that glorifies what we have learned from God.  We cannot be steeped in the nature of God without also knowing and acting in patience.  Why? Because patience means love.  It means grace.  It means forgiveness.  Thank God He is patient with us.  I never feel God rushes me to learn a lesson.  In fact, my lesson in patience has taken about 26 years.

I looked up on-line “how to be patient.”  I came across a website that focuses on self -improvement.  Here’s their reasons why we should learn patience.

  1. We make better decisions by assessing situations rather than going in emotional and blind.
  2. We have less stress by understanding some things take longer than others.
  3. Our relationships are improved because we are more flexible and understanding.

Doesn’t that all sound like something God would want from us?  Being wise, giving our stress up to God, and loving and being grace-filled toward others.

They then described a 6-step process for learning patience:

  1. Understand and counteract triggers
  2. Increase your self-confidence
  3. Put on your “positive glasses”
  4. Change your attitude – “why are you in such a hurry?”
  5. Visualize worst case scenarios
  6. Release tension and stress through eating right, exercise, enjoying activities

Now imaging trying to do all that without God.  Here’s my Christian re-do of these six steps:

  • Pray for God to reveal the areas where you struggle with patience (sometimes we pretend we aren’t being impatient and justify our actions) 

John 16:24, “Until now you have not asked for anything in my name.  Ask and you will receive, and your joy will be complete.”

  • Recognize that God loves you.  Accept He wants the very best for you.  

John 16:27, “No, the Father himself loves you because you have loved me and have believed that I came from God.” 

  • Remember that joy can be found in trials.  And most of all that God has delivered for you in the past.  He is faithful. 

2 Thes 3:3, “But the Lord is faithful, and He will strengthen you and protect you from the evil one.”

  • Rejoice each and every day, if not every hour, for all the great things in your life.  

Prov 17:22, “A cheerful heart is good medicine, but a crushed spirit dries up the bones.”

  • To be honest, visualizing worst case scenarios has been helpful to me.  If I’m waiting in a long line at Costco and start getting impatient I think, “Well, what have I got to be impatient for anyways?” or “Well, if I’m late because of this line I can call ahead and let them know.”  

Matt 6:27, “Can anyone of you by worrying add a single hour to your life?”

  • Yes, eat right, exercise, enjoy new and old activities.  And pray.  And pray.  And pray.  Give up all those thoughts, those worries, those fears, those negative emotions to God.  Cry out to Jesus and ask Him to remove whatever negative thought you have right then. 

1 Samuel 2:1, “My heart rejoices in the Lord; in the Lord my horn is lifted high.  My mouth boasts over my enemies, for I delight in your deliverance.”

When we get closer to God – become fluent in His character – that is when He can work His ways in us.  And God is always patient with us.  My friend and I were having lunch today and she said she is starting to have more moments in her difficult life where she looks up and gives a little smile – recognizing those growth moments God has put in front of her.  As for me, I described for her my process of writing and how I study the topic, pray, and then start writing.  I rarely stop writing one of these posts until I am done.  The words just come out of me onto the computer.  My whole body is focused on getting these words down.  I told her how weird it was that I was interrupted multiple times while writing this post.  And as I drove home from lunch, I was listening to a praise song and it hit me.  Patience.  The topic of this post.  And I had just been tested.  I was not annoyed about the interruptions.  I felt blessed hearing from a few friends.  And normally I would’ve been distracted during lunch, thinking about what else I needed to write.  I would’ve failed my friend who I need to support during this time in her life.

I called my friend from my car and said, “I just got it!  Patience!  I was tested!”  And she said, “I realized that while you were telling me.  And I’m glad it finally came to you.”  Maybe this whole actually studying God’s Word really does work.  Time to look up and smile.