First published June 13, 2022 as part of the Lessons from Cherith series.
“Then Peter came to Jesus and asked, “Lord, how many times shall I forgive my brother or sister who sins against me? Up to seven times?” Matthew 18:21
He’d been a drug addict and alcoholic for at least the 35 years I knew him. In fact, this lost uncle was my husband’s main reason for why he never touched drugs in his college days. My husband saw the path of destruction his uncle created throughout their family. This uncle, my mother-in-law’s youngest sibling, took the road so many addicts follow. They demand help, make others feel guilty for not rescuing them, promise to do better, then start the cycle over and over again.
In my visits to my husband’s hometown, we’d have infrequent contact with his uncle. But we would hear of his begging his own mother for money and complaining of how “lucky” and “privileged” everyone else in the family were because they weren’t always so down on their luck. To be fair, this man carried wounds from being the youngest child of an alcoholic and unfaithful father. As for my in-laws, they gave money, moral support, food, and more for much of his life. But after a number of run-ins with the law and intolerable behavior toward my husband’s grandmother, the uncle found himself eventually with backs turned. Enough was enough.
“Jesus answered, “I tell you, not seven times, but seventy-seven times.” Matthew 18:22
Let’s face it, we are only human. We get our feelings hurt. We often seek to protect ourselves from harmful relationships. We don’t want to be taken advantage of and have our kindness thrown back at us with vitriol. Like many of Jesus’ expectations for us, the concept of forgiveness is not easy for our sinful human nature. We reach the end of our rope. We feel as though we have no tears left to shed.
I remember when my loving, caring mother-in-law said to me one day a few years ago, “I’m done. I’m tired of being blamed for his problems. I’m tired of being taken for granted that we will always help. I’m angry how he treats our mother.” And honestly, could anyone blame her? But the thing is, I knew deep down she didn’t mean any of it. I knew if her brother came again with hat in hand she would help. Because she knew that Jesus would do the same for her.
“And when you stand praying, if you hold anything against anyone, forgive them, so that your Father in heaven may forgive you your sins.” Mark 11:25
We can be thankful that God has not assigned us the role He gave prophets like Elijah, who were called to proclaim judgment. Throughout the Old Testament, God’s people repeatedly turned away from Him despite countless warnings. Yet alongside His warnings came opportunities for repentance. Ultimately, God sent His Son, Jesus Christ, not only to proclaim truth but to offer forgiveness and reconciliation. Through Him, we learn that when we seek forgiveness and extend it to others, we experience the healing grace of God.
Jesus does not only desire healing for those who need forgiveness. He also desires healing for those doing the forgiving. When we honestly examine our own lives, we quickly realize how much we ourselves need mercy. We all come before God with empty hands, asking, “One more time, Lord. Please forgive me.” And by His grace, He does.
I’ve been fortunate to witness the healing power of forgiveness in a few people’s lives. My friend Andrea will forever be changed simply by forgiving a family member for past hurts and asking for forgiveness for how she has hurt others. My own relationship with my parents has required me to forgive them. And although the situation can still be painful, I now have the healing strength which forgiveness affords to help me pray for them each day.
“Get rid of all bitterness, rage and anger, brawling and slander, along with every form of malice. Be kind and compassionate to one another, forgiving each other, just as in Christ God forgave you.” Ephesians 4:31-32
I started this message about a man so broken from addiction. A man who most would say was without hope, without the peace from God. But God is a miracle worker as we all know. So, after another stint in prison about a year ago, my husband’s uncle finally said, “Enough is enough.” He turned to God for forgiveness and healing. When he got the news that his oldest sister was now riddled with cancer he came immediately to be by her side.
We met in the hospital lobby, just the two of us. His eyes were clear, he looked healthy, and there was a peace about him I had never seen before. I took him up to his sister’s room and we sat and chatted. I felt like I should leave the room and give them some alone time when suddenly he took her by the hand and with tears streaming down his face he asked for forgiveness. He asked to be forgiven for the destruction he caused, the pain, and for all the lost years that could’ve been different.
I don’t know if I’ll ever again witness such a beautiful miracle, seeing God’s grace and love transform a room before my eyes.
My mother-in-law thanked him immediately. She said, “I needed to hear this. It hurt so much when you blamed me for your troubles.” And they wept. For the next two weeks I witnessed this man stand guard outside her room, praying and participating in her last days. I listened as he asked the rest of the family for forgiveness. And saw them weep from the healing love of God. I watched as he helped lift his sister’s lifeless body onto the gurney for her final road toward home. He was in pain but was healed. He was washed in sorrow but cleansed from forgiveness. And he knew he was loved.
Who do you need to forgive right now?
Who do you need to ask for forgiveness?
It’s time for healing.
