Tag: christian relationships

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Step: 5 Wise Counselor

krisshetter 
Jesus answered, “Everyone who drinks this water will be thirsty again, 14 but whoever drinks the water I give them will never thirst. Indeed, the water I give them will become in them a spring of water welling up to eternal life.” John 4:13-14

The day I sat on the edge of my bed whining to God about my miserable life – the lack of peace and joy – He spoke quite clearly to me.  “What have you really done (to be close to me?),” He said.  I got down on my knees and wept.  I prayed for Him to show me the steps to take to draw nearer to Him.  The next day He tasked me to go to the bookstore and get a devotional.  So, I stood in front of the hundreds of books and prayed, “Show me.”

The book the Holy Spirit placed in my hands that day was called, “Power Thoughts” by Joyce Meyer.  I try my best not to question God.  He knew exactly where my problem lay – my mind.

“I am content and emotionally stable.”

“I purse peace with God, myself and others.”

“I live in the present and enjoy each moment.”

“I am disciplined and self-controlled.”

“I put God first in my life.”

These are just a few of the “power thoughts” I read over the course of the devotional that year.  My God-centered counseling session began each morning to help me battle the overwhelmingly negative thoughts I had so solidly built.  My stronghold was not fear of man, in fact my propensity was to be ready to fight each day I left my house.  My stronghold was not fear of serving in His name.  I did that willingly and often.  My stronghold, my addiction you might say, was self-hatred and self-doubt.  My husband once called me the “Queen of the Woulda, Coulda, Shoulda.”

I’ve frequently been told I don’t come off that way.  But I’ve come to realize there’s a difference between what a truly confident woman in Christ looks like and one that blusters her way through life.

Allowing Jesus and the Holy Word to become my wise counselor isn’t easy.  It’s painful sitting in “the chair” having someone show you your weaknesses.  And I have many.  But the beauty of our Lord’s Word contains something that no one else can provide – a deep and lasting love behind every nudge, every reveal, every chastisement.

That’s not to say human counselors don’t have a place in our lives.  God uses many ways and messengers to guide us toward righteousness. A poll released in May 2004 found that an estimated 59 million people had received mental health treatment in the two years prior, and that 80 percent of them found it effective. But for the Christian we should seek guidance that has our faith in mind.  What is the point of a, say, marriage counselor who does not view or support marriage from God’s point of view?  When we seek out counseling for our weaknesses, past hurts, we should be reminded of God’s overwhelming love and forgiveness.  

This is why I love the counseling session at the well.

15 The woman said to him, “Sir, give me this water so that I won’t get thirsty and have to keep coming here to draw water.”

16 He told her, “Go, call your husband and come back.”

17 “I have no husband,” she replied.

Jesus said to her, “You are right when you say you have no husband. 18 The fact is, you have had five husbands, and the man you now have is not your husband. What you have just said is quite true.” John 4:15-18

Jesus speaks to the woman about truth.  Truth without condemnation.  Just the naked truth.  He goes on to share with her the truth about forgiveness of sins and salvation.  She had lived her life in sin and shame.  And kept doing the same thing over and over.  That’s what shame does.  It envelopes us to twist our minds into feelings of worthlessness, self-doubt, self-destruction.

Throughout Jesus’ three-year walk we see Him love and heal the sick, bring people into God’s service, comfort those in fear, teach so many about the ways of God.  And woven amongst the stories of His life are the counseling moments like the one at the well.  Moments where He uses all His God-given knowledge and skills to bring someone to a “truth” reveal.

Isn’t that what we seek when we ask a friend for advice about a problem?  Or go to a professional counselor concerning a life issue?  How can I fix this?  How can I fix me?  Unlike a teaching situation, where a topic outside ourselves is learned, seeking a wise counselor aims to reach into ourselves to find the “why?”

So often when our own friends or family express concerns about their life we know the “why” but are afraid of the damage the truth might do to our relationship so we stay silent.  That’s the challenge of being a wise counselor.  The culmination of all the Jesus traits.  

I believe the stories of Jesus’ counseling moments are included in the Bible not just for us to see ourselves being counseled like the woman at the well.  They are included so we can also learn to help others.  Others who are hurting.  Others who are living in sin.  Others who don’t know about the gift of forgiveness of self.

We need to take an inventory of how our individual lives, our fruit, our behavior are affecting the people we come in contact with.  The world is in such a desperate situation. Get yourself off your mind and see how you can bless someone else today.

Joyce Meyer

Join me this week, as we complete our series on The Jesus Mindset, in a deep dive into the methods of a wise counselor and how we might touch those around us, helping them to take a few bricks down from their strongholds.

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She Loves Like Jesus

krisshetter 
“Greater love has no one than this: to lay down one’s life for one’s friends.” John 15:13

Jesus sees you. The first lesson of this miracle is a welcome one. You and I aren’t invisible. We aren’t overlooked. Jesus spots us on the side of the road, and he makes the first move.

Max Lucado

There are three women in my life that I count has having a significant influence on me.  Two of the three will probably never know me.  That’s the power of having an outlet to reach millions of people either through the radio, books, television, etc.  My long commutes as a young working woman were filled with life wisdom dished out with a borderline harshness by Dr. Laura.  She made sense to me and helped me to see different perspectives in relationships both personally and professionally.  Later, my faith life received a much needed injection of God’s truth from the formidable Joyce Meyer.  Her devotional, “Power Thoughts,” was Dr. Laura on faith steroids.  But again, these two women and I will probably never cross paths.

The third woman God placed in my path couldn’t be more opposite in personality than the other two.  She and Jesus share a beautiful character trait.  They love all.  They have compassion for all.  They know just what someone needs at their darkest hour.  When Jesus was asked how the masses would be fed, He stepped up to the plate.  And so does my mother-in-law, Bev Shetter.

When I first would visit Bev in her hometown of Longmont, Colorado about 30 years ago, I would find myself frequently annoyed.  You see, like people surrounding Jesus on His way to an official’s home, Bev couldn’t get through one aisle at the local grocer without multiple people approaching her.  A quick trip for a loaf of bread turned into an hour.  

This was so foreign to me.  How could one person, not only know so many people, but know so many people so well?   She wasn’t some famous tv personality.  She didn’t write a book.  She didn’t operate the local bakery, or any business for that manner.  She wasn’t even head of any organization.  She was a housewife who occasionally worked part time at a flower shop here or a dress shop there.  And, a faithful member of her church.

She knows everyone’s name, their children’s names, their parent’s names.  She knows who is sick and injured.  She can share a joke with old and young.  She lets people know she’s praying for them regularly.  And at the end of a “short” trip for a few groceries I felt a bit like Peter, annoyed that we might be late for our next engagement because Bev needed to say yet another kind “hello” to an elderly woman.

She makes you feel loved, special, remembered. 

“It’s funny how God leads us to just the right person to guide us through life. Bev has been that trusted loving spiritual friend to me for some 40 years. She has modeled the commandment of Jesus to love one another putting into action all the teachings of Jesus. We have shared laughter, faith, tears, fears, and all that life gives us and I am so grateful to her for walking beside me and revealing Jesus to me.”  

Longtime friend, Jane Nelson

Jesus did that.  You knew you were in the presence of someone special because He made you feel special.  The disciples knew that when Jesus said, “Follow me” they would be well-loved.  They would be remembered.  He wasn’t famous when He first called His disciples.  He was an unknown.  Not a rich businessman or even mildly successful tradesman.  Yet He made sure to make people feel known and loved.

 “I pray for them.  I am not praying for the world, but for those you have given me, for they are yours.” John 17:9

Even in His last physical days on Earth He remembered His friends.  Not just the disciples.  You’ll notice in the verse above He is praying for everyone that the Father sent to Him – that’s you, me, Peter, John, the tax collectors, the adulterers, the gentile and the Jew.  Everyone who has turned their lives over to Him.

When I committed myself to my husband, I was given the gift of moving into Bev’s large friendship circle.  It wasn’t easy at first.  We are also opposite in personality.  I was angry, unsettled, untethered to God.  I welcomed outrage in my life, judged harshly and forgave reluctantly.  But the thing about Jesus is when He steps into a relationship with a Saul He transforms the Saul into a Paul.  And when someone like a Bev enters your life, you can’t help but come out changed.

And so I watched and listened.  I saw the peace she had in her life that I did not.  I watched her minister to the homeless, the shut in, the sick, the needy, the hurt, the lonely.  I listened to her words of compassion and quiet, unassuming advice to her friends.  She opens her home to visiting missionaries, childhood friends, family and anyone else that needs a pillow to rest their head.  And I said, “I want some of that.”

Isn’t that what we do when listen to Jesus talk to a hurting person?  “I want to be able to love like that.”  Isn’t that what we pray for when we watch Jesus stop and pay attention to one person on the street whom nobody sees?  “I should stop and help them.”  Isn’t that what we long for when Jesus tells us He will never leave us? “I want to be loved and be remembered.”

“My grandma doesn’t wait around for approval, compliments or appreciation.  She has a keen eye for what people need before they may even know it themselves.  She is one to show up with a warm meal before your stomach starts to growl or a blanket before you start to shiver. 

Granddaughter, Haley Shetter

Jesus and people like Bev show us how to love and be loved.  They show us how to be the faithful and loving friend.  They aren’t looking for 10,000 “likes” on Facebook.  They stop in the grocery aisle and say, “Hello, friend, how is your mom feeling today?”  They give their time and prayers one person at a time.  And from that, Jesus and Bev have gained a multitude of loving and faithful friends.

“My sister Bev cared for my blessed mother for many years.  Her dedication in honoring God through love and service is selfless and enduring.  Many times her faith has been tested but never paled.”

Sister, Kathy Pisano

The people like Bev, who live out this Jesus character trait so well, don’t work hard to make friends.  They don’t work hard at keeping friends.  They work hard at loving people.  They look for ways to show compassion.  They know that even doing their little part will mean something for somebody.  People like Bev are remembered wherever they go, because the people they touch feel something special.

“From her I have learned to watch and listen to her ways.  This is not something you develop overnight but attributes you gain over time.  She surrounds herself with people who also have these qualities so they can act as a tribe, a community, to build and share their love.”  

Granddaughter, Haley Shetter

Bev and her “tribe” are truly special followers of Jesus’ command to love one another and be faithful to others.  I’m a living example of someone who can learn to imitate Bev and Jesus.  I may never achieve the level of her success but God knows my efforts.  

It’s important for us that aren’t more naturally inclined to be like her to know that Jesus still expects us to work at it.  I won’t be Bev2.0 but with her example and the guidance of Jesus I can be transformed into someone new.  

Bev (front left) with a few members of her “Tribe”
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Welcome The Stranger

krisshetter

Lesson #1: Show hospitality to strangers, they may be God’s heaven-sent angels

Dear friend, you are faithful in 
what you are doing for the brothers 
and sisters, even though they are 
strangers to you. 
3 John 5

The saying goes, “A man’s home is his castle.”  And we might add to that, “surrounded by a deep moat, protected by a closed drawbridge.”  At least that’s how it seems so many have come to treat their abodes.  But the concept of hospitality has a long history for us Christians.

The two angels arrived at Sodom in 
the evening, and Lot was sitting in 
the gateway of the city. When he saw 
them, he got up to meet them and 
bowed down with his face to the ground. 
“My lords,” he said, “please turn 
aside to your servant’s house. You 
can wash your feet and spend the 
night and then go on your way early 
in the morning.”

"No," they answered, "we will 
spend the night in the square."

But he insisted so strongly that 
they did go with him and entered 
his house.  He prepared a meal for 
them, baking bread without yeast, 
and they ate.
Genesis 19: 1-3

In Leviticus we are admonished to treat the traveler as one of our own family.  And throughout the New Testament we see the kindness of various townsfolk welcoming Jesus and the disciples along the way.  Without these strangers’ help they would’ve found themselves hungry and without a bed on which to lie their head.

And in our smallest Bible book, 3 John, we see the work of a church elder named Gaius.  The news of his hospitality and kindness toward fellow Christians reached John who noted how it brought him “great joy.”

But why is hospitality a life lesson?  The Greek word for hospitality is philoxenos from the two words philos (friend) and xenos (stranger) and it means to show proper warmth or friendliness to strangers.  It also means to have the readiness to share our home and other treasures.   So often when we think of hospitality in our home it means inviting friends and family for dinners and parties.   But strangers?  Pull up the drawbridge and release the piranhas into the moat!

So what is Christian hospitality?

  1. Answering calls from the church to hosts missionaries and guests
  2. Inviting church elders over for meals
  3. Hosting church activities such as Bible study in our homes
  4. Reaching out to our unfamiliar neighbors and inviting them over for coffee
  5. Being a welcoming face at church – not just a smile but showing a genuine interest in a new face

I wonder how many of us (I raise my hand) have read in the church bulletin about a visiting missionary needing a place to stay for a week or a car to borrow and we thought at best “Yea, I don’t feel comfortable with that” and at worst didn’t think about it at all?  

I have a friend who has always held her Catholic priests in very high honor.  It borders on being afraid of them.  And when a friend of hers invited her to have a private gathering with a local priest she was aghast that it was all so, well, normal.  It reminds me of when my kids were in elementary school and they thought the teacher didn’t have a life outside the classroom.  But church leaders are people in addition to their divinely appointed roles.  They enjoy fellowship just like you and me!

What hospitality is not.

  1. Allowing situations in our home where guests openly sin
  2. Inviting guests out of a sense of obligation, not love
  3. Feeling the need to have our homes be perfect before inviting guests

Let’s look at number 1.  Many years ago, my husband and I invited his brother and his brother’s girlfriend out for a visit.  They couldn’t afford to travel so we let them stay at our home.  Under one condition.  They’d have to sleep in separate rooms.  As a fairly new Christian, this was the first time I really stood my ground as the “new me.”  Initially, my brother-in-law took issue with this.  He commented that my husband and I had lived together before marriage so why should we now place this restriction on him – wasn’t that hypocritical?  Friends, let’s be honest.  Before we were made new in Christ, we did a lot of stupid, dangerous, sinful things.  It’s ok to now say those things were wrong.  And being that our house is our castle, you can make any rule you want.  We didn’t place judgement on what he did outside our home,  we just drew a line as to what was going to happen in our home, around our children.  Our hospitality included the use of our home but not the erasure of our morals.  The result?  They both came and had a great time plus we were able to witness to my brother in law the changes Christ had made in our lives.

Number two seems obvious but when people take action out of a sense of obligation rather than love, the road can get bumpy.  I read the story of a pastor who was invited to speak at a church.  The host family welcomed him in, showed him his room and then preceded to tell him they didn’t feel it was their responsibility to feed him.  They also worked very hard to completely ignore him over the course of five days.  They did their “Christian duty” in their eyes.  But can we really call that true Christian hospitality? I hope not.

The key to good hospitality isn’t found in the externals, like linen tablecloths and exquisitely furnished guest bedrooms, but in qualities like servanthood, a listening ear, and an encouraging word.

Max Lucado

When I was involved in PTA there was a chair position called “hospitality.”  What that entitled was setting up a beautifully appointed table of yummy food at various events.  Shouldn’t a church body’s goal be more of the philoxenos version?  How many times does your church have to beg people to be greeters or to host a home Bible study? Our church volunteer coordinators should be overwhelmed by the requests to be able to say “hello!” and shake hands with new people.  We should have too many homes (large and tiny) from which to choose for Bible study. We may not be the Hospitality Chair but we should all be committee members!

We ought therefore to show hospitality
to such people (the faithful) so that we
may work together for the truth.
3 John 8

A Christian who lives with an active approach to philoxenos brings God a lot of joy, just like Gaius did for John.  We are reminded in the Old Testament that at one point in our lives we were all strangers.  Strangers hoping for someone to reach out and say “hello.”  Strangers hoping someone would show us God’s love.  We need to assume that person is us.

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The Quiet Captain

krisshetter 
My dear brothers and sisters, 
take note of this: Everyone 
should be quick to listen, 
slow to speak and slow to 
become angry. 
James 1:19 

A prayer to speak only when needed

LORD, I would like to make this brief but I seem to have an issue with words.  They flow freely from my mouth without filters.  At times I gasp at myself for the words that exit me.  James is so right when he shows me that my mouth is like the rudder for my ship.  And I want to be on the right course with you, God.  Sometimes I need the entire trinity to help me grab hold of my rudder.  But I know with practice, your grace and the urging of the Holy Spirit I can and will be the quiet captain of my ship.  In Jesus’ name, Amen.

At my first professional job after graduating from college, I found myself in a new position in which the company heads wanted me to help get the entire company on a new course.  I was only 23 years old and immature in many ways.  The job entailed me meeting with the directors of each division of the company and educating them and guiding them through this new direction.  One particular gentleman was one of those types that doesn’t say much in meetings.  He needed to ruminate a while – go take a walk and a “secret” smoke – and then give his input.  He made me very uncomfortable.

After I would bring up a topic and give my input we would sit in silence.  That is, until I couldn’t bear it anymore and then I would start babbling.  And the more I babbled the deeper, as they say, into the weeds I would get.

Avoid godless chatter, because 
those who indulge in it will 
become more and more ungodly.
2 Timothy 2:16

When we feel the need to fill empty spaces with words we can find ourselves making promises we can’t meet, contradicting ourselves, confusing the issue, giving bad advice, or revealing more than we should.  I found myself doing all of these things in those meetings until one day a friend gave me the good advice to stop talking and let the man catch up.

You would think that lesson alone would’ve trained me in the art of being ok with silence but it hasn’t.  Just the other day I had to apologize to someone for interrupting her while she was sharing a difficult issue.  One of my walking buddies, with whom I have a very trusting relationship, has taken to saying, “That isn’t helpful for me right now,” when I am talking at her too much.

The root of this babbling seems to stem from a need to make sure people know my opinion.  So many of us want to make sure we are “heard.”  When in actuality God places more importance on the kindness of listening. 

I am getting better at this thing called silence.  My prayer life now includes the request of God to help me keep my mouth shut when I need to and speak only when I need to.  I have a feeling I’ll have that as part of my prayers for a long time.  Until I get it right, my ship will tack back and forth a bit until I can get it to smooth sailing.

If you want this too, add the prayer to your daily prayer list and watch and see how God works in your life!

bible study, Christian, Christian Church, christian encouragement, Jesus Follower, Uncategorized

Our Amazing Influence

madisondooley36
Simon the Sorcerer

Now for some time a man named Simon had practiced sorcery in the city and amazed all the people of Samaria. He boasted that he was someone great, and all the people, both high and low, gave him their attention and exclaimed, “This man is rightly called the Great Power of God.”They followed him because he had amazed them for a long time with his sorcery. But when they believed Philip as he proclaimed the good news of the kingdom of God and the name of Jesus Christ, they were baptized, both men and women. Simon himself believed and was baptized. And he followed Philip everywhere, amazed by the great signs and miracles he saw.

Acts 8:9-13

It’s my guess that before many of us heard Jesus’ words in Matthew 10:39,  “Whoever finds his life will lose it, and whoever loses his life for my sake will find it”, we all thought we were some level of great. 

It’s okay, you can admit it. I will too. Before knowing Jesus, our lives were centered around the greatness of self. Achieving selfish desires and seeking after things that would fulfill and establish a name for ourselves. I know before I knew Christ, I was on a slippery slope of idolization of self-value and worth – mainly in what others thought of me. I so desperately wanted to be like Simon. I wanted to be looked upon by those low and high with great respect, reverence and awe. I thought that if I could just attain a certain level of status with those I looked up to most, then certainly, I would be fulfilled. 

As described in the text, Simon had great fame amongst the people of Samaria. Those who knew him even thought he was god-like. He had all eyes on him, all the time. He knew how to command a room and keep their attention with amazing and impressive acts of sorcery and magic. Surely, this was the peak of Simon’s life. He had great influence over those who looked up to him. The people listened to him and were continuously amazed by him. 

Are you looking for glitz to influence or God?

But one day, Simon found the attention of the people was no longer in the palm of his hands. Someone else was stealing the show…

Philip had stolen the attention of his audience with the truth of the gospel. Now all of a sudden, the people were more interested in hearing about Jesus, rather than seeing Simon’s sorcery, and Simon was too. 

Miraculously, Simon was also among the many who were touched by Philip’s faithfulness to share the gospel everywhere he went. Simon became a follower of Philip and chose to no longer be a chief producer of propaganda for himself, but a disciple of Jesus, and one who laid down his “greatness” to serve the one and only Great God.  

Many of us look at Simon’s life before Christ and think, “Man, he had it all.” I mean, being a magician is no noble or holy position, but he had the love and respect of the people — two things every human being deeply long for more than anything else. The fact of the matter is, the influence Simon had on those people was superficial, surface level and would only last for a while until they found their next source of entertainment. His influence didn’t have deep roots in their hearts, it wasn’t truth-centered. 

The same goes with the superficial influence many of us THINK will make a lasting impact on others. We want the status, the attention and the glamour, but in reality all of that, will amount to nothing. 

True, deeply-rooted influence on others takes time. It takes a gospel-centered approach that puts the others’ hearts and souls first. It takes laboring in love, sacrificing time and resources and really listening to what the other person has to say. Simon may have captured the attention of the townspeople, but it didn’t take much for someone like Philip, who brought both truth and love, to steal their attention. 

Now, loving others and sharing the gospel is certainly no popularity contest. But, establishing effective and genuine and amazing influence is key to making strides for the Kingdom. 

So, what kind of influence have you been attempting to have on others? Do you seek glitz and glamour like Simon? Or, have you sought genuine, amazing relationships that are truth-based like Philip? 

Consider those around you who look up to you and think of how you can take one step towards influencing them towards Christ-centeredness today.