Tag: emotions

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Enjoying A Wisdom-Filled Life Part Two

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Did you miss part one? Click here!

I knew the mistake as soon as I made it.  But it was too late.  I gave my consent and the ball began to roll.  I knew the mistake I had made because for the last few years I’d heard the advice I disregarded over and over in my church home group.  Ask God first.  Not during, not after, but first.  And here I was doing the exact opposite of that good advice.  I kicked myself for still being what is called a “baby Christian.”  Knowing the Word and knowing the wisdom dispensed therein but not living it out. 

I’ve mentioned this unwise situation in which I placed myself in past posts.  However, when I was pondering the “most unwise decision I ever made” this kept coming to mind.  Mostly because of the pain and suffering it caused me and my family, even to this day.  

You see, about 11 years ago, I begrudgingly agreed to be my kids’ elementary school PTA president.  For a year prior, I told the PTA board I would not be president.  It wasn’t my lack of ability that held me back because I knew I could do the job.  No, instead I warned the board that they weren’t ready for my leadership style.  Big changes were ahead for the school which meant big changes for the parent-teacher association.  We would need to adapt and change in ways I knew would make people very uncomfortable. 

At the time my Christian faith consisted of going to church occasionally, hosting a home group, and not much else.  I wasn’t closely tethered to the Lord.  I hadn’t gained the wisdom necessary to handle political and interpersonal conflict graciously and with self-control.  On the other hand, I was organized, comfortable with leading, and skilled at creative solutions.  I knew how to get things done.

As that year wound down and the nominating committee kept pestering me, I found myself resigned to being the only one willing to step into the role of president.  So, late one evening I heard my voice telling a person over the phone, “Yes.”  As soon as I hung up, I realized I hadn’t sought out the one opinion I needed most, God’s.

For the next two years my family’s life was filled with endless meetings, long phone calls, strife, and an absent mother.  When I wasn’t physically occupied with the details of this volunteer job, I was absent mentally.  At home, I cried frequently and raged about problem parents.  I’m sure there were some good times sprinkled in between.  But those memories have been squeezed out.

It’s not that I believe that had I prayed, the Lord would have told me “no.”  It’s that if I had gotten a “yes” after praying it would have put a completely different spin on the entire experience.  Had I taken all that wise advice I would have kept close to the Lord those two years and been at peace, even during times of trouble.

"Whoever keeps a command will know no evil thing, and the wise heart will know the proper time and the just way." Ecclesiastes 8:5

It’s one thing to seek wisdom, as we saw in the last post, but it’s another to actually use that wisdom every day in our lives.  What would it look like in your life to heed the advice of say a Christian whom you trust?  The advice of your pastor?  The advice given in your Bible study or devotional?  The advice spread throughout the Bible?

"Then the king said to me, “What are you requesting?” So I prayed to the God of heaven. 5And I said to the king, “If it pleases the king, and if your servant has found favor in your sight, that you send me to Judah, to the city of my fathers' graves, that I may rebuild it.” Nehemiah 2:4-5

Nehemiah was desperate to see to the rebuilding of the second temple.  A noble venture for sure.  Just like me stepping up to lead our PTA.  But, he also knew if he went behind the king’s back there would surely be trouble.  You can see tucked in the verse the most important step he took – “So I prayed to the God of the heavens.”  And the right words came out of his mouth to the king.

Some sources suggest that the average person makes an eye-popping 35,000 choices per day. Assuming that most people spend around seven hours per day sleeping and thus blissfully choice-free, that makes roughly 2,000 decisions per hour or one decision every two seconds. 

 Eva M. Krockow Ph.D., Psychology Today

Is it possible to ask God to impart His wisdom for each and every one of those seemingly small decisions? Maybe not, but we can wake each day and ask Him to direct our steps through the Holy Spirit.  He gives us that nudge, that convicting tap on our shoulder, that encouragement throughout our day.

Too often, however, when we seek to make decisions about life, we seek only knowledge.  And knowledge is not wisdom.  Knowledge is data, facts, numbers.  Wisdom is experience and life.  

“Our knowledge is a receding mirage in an expanding desert of ignorance.”

Historian Will Durant, Store of Civilization

One thing I always admired about the disciples is how many questions they asked Jesus.  Although Peter seemed to rely on his own knowledge so often, we get to see him use not only his experiential wisdom and the wisdom imparted by Jesus as he grew more and more faithful.  From Peter thinking he needed to defend Jesus in the garden by attacking the soldier, to denying his association to Jesus, he reflected us all.  We know better than the Almighty God.  We know how best to defend ourselves, how to protect ourselves.  When it all fails, we become destitute and hopefully turn to the Lord.

How many times have you found yourself spiritually or emotionally destitute because you didn’t heed good advice or even seek it?   Wouldn’t it be nice to turn to God first?  To hear the Holy Spirit whisper to us and heed the good advice? 

“For there is a proper time and procedure for every matter,
    though a person may be weighed down by misery.

7 Since no one knows the future,
    who can tell someone else what is to come? Ecclesiastes 8:6-7

Experiential wisdom is gained in its proper time and procedure.  Which is why we all should be leery when people say a young person has an “old soul.”  An “old soul” is one that has been on the battlefield of life and has come out with a few scars.  

I started paying attention to my own prayer life and the results thereof.  I went from praying after a decision for God to help it not be a bad one (like running the PTA) to praying in the midst of the process.  Finally, I’ve stopped myself so many times lately and said, “I need to pray first.”  It might be a quick prayer about something seemingly insignificant.  Or it might be a few days, seeking God’s counsel.  And surprisingly, this whole wisdom seeking works pretty good. I can now enjoy my decisions.

Friend, let’s be honest, we can never know all the “right answers.”  If we wait until we have them all you will never take any forward steps.  For some, that keeps them from putting their trust in God.  Because they haven’t gotten all the answers cleared up about the mysteries.  We have to be ok with trusting that God is the Almighty Creator and He hasn’t imparted us with all the facts He has about life.  We have to be ok with asking Him for help and being satisfied with what He gives us.

“.. then I saw all the work of God, that man cannot find out the work that is done under the sun. However much man may toil in seeking, he will not find it out. Even though a wise man claims to know, he cannot find it out.” Ecclesiastes 8:17

Being ok with not knowing everything but acting wisely is not ignorance as some might accuse the Christian.  We can and should rest peacefully in knowing what we need to know.  And living our lives out with wisdom, peace, joy and goodness the information we do know — That God is a god who loves us and teaches us and will never leave us.  He is a god who seeks us and wants us to live forever in His Holy Kingdom!  

“Though a sinner does evil a hundred times and prolongs his life, yet I know that it will be well with  those who fear God, because they fear before him.  13But it will not be well with the wicked, neither will he prolong his days like a shadow, because he does not fear before God.” Ecclesiastes 8:12-13

When we first, seek God, then seek His wisdom for our life, and finally live out that wisdom each and every day “it will be well.”  We can watch and be at peace when the unwise, godless people around us make bad or even evil decisions.  We pray for them that they would know God, who can give them a new life.  

We all need wise people around us who fear the Lord first.  We all need to use their wisdom and our experiential wisdom each day so we can enjoy our life especially in times of trouble.  Let’s start by placing God as our most Holy Rabbi front and center. 

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Enjoying the “Enough” Life Part Two

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Did you miss part one of Enjoying the Enough Life? Click here!

Enjoyment without God is merely entertainment.  

Warren Wiersbe

No one on this great blue planet is without sin.  Without sinful desires and thoughts.  Without sinful emotions.  So, if we seek contentment, or unconditional wholeness solely from within what do we find?  Our sinful selves just like I did when I embarked on my happiness journey a few years ago.  And we turn back to the unfulfilling emotion of fleeting happiness.

What guides a person to being truly joy-filled or content in every situation? How do we achieve that “unconditional wholeness” researcher Daniel Cordaro mentioned after visiting that Himalayan tribe?  It requires something outside us to guide us through the ups and downs, the trials and tribulations of life.  It’s easy to enjoy a new car.  But what about when it breaks down?  It takes no effort to enjoy the birthday party at the park you so expertly planned but what happens when it rains?  Does your happiness bucket completely empty and you turn into Attila the Hun, raging at others?  Or you weep and sulk feeling the cosmos hates you?

"Not that I am speaking of being in need, for I have learned in whatever situation I am to be content. 12I know how to be brought low, and I know how to abound. In any and every circumstance, I have learned the secret of facing plenty and hunger, abundance and need. 13I can do all things through him who strengthens me."  Philippians 4: 11-13

That strength to endure a peasant life that Tolstoy witnessed, a life of labor and toil, a life of disappointments and tragedy, and yes, even a life full of wealth comes only from God.  (Ecc 5:19 & 6:2) Through the Holy Spirit who comes to dwell in us when we say, “Yes!” to Jesus as our Lord and Savior.  It’s the fountain from which we draw on every single moment of every day to guide us and strengthen us.  Because my friends, you cannot find wholeness without Him.

Deep-seated in the American mind, for example, is the disastrous idea that we should pursue happiness. But what is happiness? And what are the realities through which one could achieve it? And how, practically speaking, does one pursue happiness? One might pursue happiness on the carpe diem principle. But that can be understood in many ways. It could endorse a sensuality of the present moment or endorse devoting the present moment to improvement of one’s character, to serving others, or to serving God. Usually in our times, however, it is some form of sensuality. Our choice between these options will have profound implications for our efforts to become a genuinely good person and to live harmoniously with reality, with how things really are.

Dallas Willard

My Bible study ladies are currently studying Jesus’ Sermon on the Mount by Jen Wilkins.  In the first week we read and discovered the messages behind the first 12 verses, also known as the Beatitudes.  Jesus’ goal in this sermon was to re-define for the disciples what not only the Kingdom of Heaven looks like but what its citizens look like.  The first four beatitudes describe the character of its citizens:

  1. We Are Poor in Spirit: accepting we are weak and sinful in need of a strength outside ourselves
  2. We Are Mourners: we recognize our sinfulness and weep over it daily.  Asking God for forgiveness for each time we act, speak or think (even feel) in opposition to God’s will for us.
  3. We Are Meek: in modeling Jesus’ submission to the Father in going to the cross for humanity’s sins and therefore suffering a terrible death, we too seek humility and submission to God. 
  4. We Are Hungry and Thirsty: not for earthly glory, praise and wealth but for our hearts and minds to be daily cleansed.  We constantly seek His will for our life so that we can glorify Him.  We cast off our old selves and thirst for the new bodies and New Eden to come.

These citizens of the Kingdom of Heaven?  They will be abundant with fruit and content in all situations.  The fruits of love, joy, peace, goodness, kindness, patience, self-control and faithfulness can be seen by all around them.  They spread that fruit and His Word throughout our families, communities and the world.  We achieve the ultimate peace in the face of persecution.  Peace with God.  Our friction between us is gone.  We are made whole because He breathes the Holy Spirit into us, making us one with Him.

"And I am no longer in the world, but they are in the world, and I am coming to you. Holy Father, keep them in your name, which you have given me, that they may be one, even as we are one… 22 The glory that you have given me I have given to them, that they may be one even as we are one, 23I in them and you in me, that they may become perfectly one, so that the world may know that you sent me and loved them even as you loved me." John 17: 11 & 22-23

One with the Creator of all things seen and unseen – Elohim, Jehovah.  What more could a tiny, sinful human want for all eternity?  All other pales in comparison!  No self-help book without God can help you achieve such gloriously contented status. King Solomon discovered that our sinful toil without God is usually for our own gain and our appetite is never satisfied on our own (Ecc 6:7).

"The fool says in his heart, “There is no God.”
    They are corrupt, they do abominable deeds;
    there is none who does good." Psalm 14:1-2

I once saw an interaction with a non-believer and a street preacher.  The young, unbelieving woman stated, “How can you say I won’t go to heaven (which as a non-believer why would she care?) when I’m a good person.  I’m better than most Christians.  I don’t lie, cheat or steal.”  Yet, as Jesus reminds us further in the Sermon on the Mount if you even let your heart yearn to do any of those things you are guilty.  And I would bet all that I have she has, in fact, actually lied.  She has probably stolen something – maybe someone’s dignity by gossiping about them.  And cheating?  She might have thought that little deed or breaking some municipal law wasn’t that “big of a deal” but it’s still cheating.  She is at odds with God, broken and not whole.

It is only through the gift of reconciliation for our sins, no matter their size, of which Jesus Christ paid for, that we can come upright before the God of the Universe.  Where we receive mercy and forgiveness so we don’t have to live in shame and hurt, grasping for pleasures to dull our pain.  No, instead He brushes us off and clothes us in white garments.  He brings us into His family and calls us His sons and daughters.  He pours out His love and gives a piece of Him to live in us so we can have that “unconditional wholeness.” He gifts us with “enough” each day so that we may be satisfied.

"Count it all joy, my brothers, when you meet trials of various kinds, 3 for you know that the testing of your faith produces steadfastness.4 And let steadfastness have its full effect, that you may be perfect and complete, lacking in nothing."  James 1:2-4

We are made perfect and complete, meaning made whole, when we face life’s trials and rely on the God who gives us strength and hope.  We are honed and shaped into the image of the only being that walked this earth who was sinless and fully content — Jesus.

Friend, if you want to get off the roller coaster of seeking “happiness” and then being brought low by trials, look to our All Mighty God and His Son.  He is our provider, our protector, our armor, our joy, our hope.  He has never broken a promise and He never will.  He promises you a new life at the end of the rainbow – not a pot of gold.  And with that promise and hope we can live a contented, meaningful life of “enough” in a world of chaos.

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Enjoying The “Enough” Life

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In 2014, researcher and founder of the Contentment Foundation Daniel Cordaro, took a team of researchers to the remote area of the Himalayas in Eastern Bhutan.  Their research subjects were a group of 200 nomad families with which no outsider had previously contacted.  It was to be the final look into a 5-year, cross-cultural study of how people identify and react to a long list of emotions.  Upon showing the villagers dozens of facial and vocal expressions, even having been cut off from the rest of the world, they recognized the vast majority of emotions with accuracy.  However, it was one emotion that elicited a different response to the norm.  That emotion was contentment.  Their guide, Dr. Dorji Wangchuk, stopped for a moment when they reached that word.

“In our culture, this emotion is very special. It is the highest achievement of human well-being, and it is what the greatest enlightened masters have been writing about for thousands for years. It’s hard to translate it exactly, but the closest word is chokkshay, which is a very deep and spiritual word that means ‘the knowledge of enough.’ It basically means that right here, right now, everything is perfect as it is, regardless of what you are experiencing outside.”

This explanation by Dr. Wangchuk brought chills to Cordaro who goes on to say in his story of this experience, “No matter where I went on planet earth, all of the cultures I interacted with revered contentment as one of the highest states to cultivate in life. Yet in the West, we were obsessing about happiness—and feeling more anxious, depressed, and stressed.”*

While Mr. Cardaro may have decided through his research that “happiness” rather than contentment is a relatively new goal which rears its head mainly in western society, I would argue it’s actually been around for a very long time.  You only need to turn to Ecclesiastes 6, indeed much of Ecclesiastes itself, to see pleasure seeking or happiness sits atop many people’s motivation in life.

"If a man fathers a hundred children and lives many years, so that the days of his years are many, but his soul is not satisfied with life's good things, and he also has no burial, I say that a stillborn child is better off than he…even if he lives a thousand years twice over but fails to enjoy his prosperity.  Do not all go to the same place?"  Ecclesiastes 6:3 & 6

King Solomon would relate to this prosperous man; it might even be a reflection of the King himself.  A man who gathered riches, property, wives, children, slaves, food and wine with abandon.  Yet was drawn to study the meaningless life.  A life much the opposite of those Himalayan nomads.  

A 2016 survey by YouGov asked Americans whether they would rather achieve great things or be happy.  81% said they would rather be happy.   Despite the universalness of happiness as a goal, it was hard to know how to define it or how to achieve it.**  And I ask you, on a daily basis are you seeking happiness or contentment?  Are you seeking to feel the emotion that pleasure provides or resting in the peace of enjoying “enough?”  

"Better what the eye sees than the roving of the appetite. This too is meaningless, a chasing after the wind."  Ecclesiastes 6:9

The “I need to do and seek out what makes me happy” hasn’t really worked out that well for us humans.  It’s a life led by self-fulfillment and fleeting emotions.  Back a few years when I decided to seek happiness, I went about it working hard at changing myself.  I needed to be less, I suppose, like me and more like people who appeared happy with loads of friends.  The problem was I was still me.  I was still filled with sinful thoughts and behaviors, most of which I couldn’t see or didn’t want to.

"You desire but do not have, so you kill. You covet but you cannot get what you want, so you quarrel and fight. You do not have because you do not ask God. 3When you ask, you do not receive, because you ask with wrong motives, that you may spend what you get on your pleasures."  James 4:2-3

Through study of God’s Holy Word, I finally had my “ah ha moment.”  I was seeking with the wrong motive.  What I needed to seek was joy and contentment, not how to be happy.  Why? Because desiring happiness didn’t mean to love others, rather just myself.  It meant getting what I wanted, not what God wanted of me.  It led me to covet and be jealous of those who seemed “happier.”  

In the late 1800s, Russian author Leo Tolstoy experienced his own profound revelation when seeking the meaningful life.  Born to aristocrats, he had all that wealth could provide.  He ran in highly intellectual circles debating the politics and issues of the day.  And for all that upper-class privilege he once stated, 

My life came to a standstill.  I could breathe, eat, drink, and sleep, and I could not help doing these things; but there was no life, for there were no wishes the fulfillment of which I could consider reasonable… had a fairy come and offered to fulfill my desires I should not have known what to ask.”

In the course of events Tolstoy became involved with a group of Russian peasants.  What he witnessed was a hard life.  One with heavy, daily labor.  And they were content.  They, he said, knew the meaning of life and death and labored quietly.  They endured deprivations and suffering.  They lived and died seeing the good.

So how do we achieve this state of contentment?  Must we cast off all our hard earned wealth?  Sell our homes and become Himalayan nomads?  Become like John the Baptist and wear rough clothing and eat bugs?  

Enjoying life is a matter of character, not circumstance.

Booker T. Washington

Like so many lessons gifted by God, the hard won path to contentment is not about our outward appearance.  If it were, the successful business person would be doomed.  Yet success, from a wealth perspective, is not seen in the Bible as something to be disabused.  It is only seen as causing potential difficulty for the believer.  It wasn’t the prince’s wealth that caused him not to be able to follow Jesus.  But rather his clinging to it for his happiness. (Matt 19:21-22).  His character was filled with greed and pride.

In the completed study by Cordaro he found there were two views of what people think makes for a contented life.  The first he called the “More Strategy.”  It’s that view of the western happiness mindset.  More money, more stuff.  The problem, he found, was once you got more, that feeling of happiness drifted away like the mist.

The second approach is the “Enough Strategy.”  It’s when people look inward to find the happiness.  He poured through thousands of years of ancient wisdom traditions and found that the ancients almost never used the word happiness.  More than 90 percent of the time, they used the word contentment, and described it as a state of “unconditional wholeness,” regardless of what is happening externally.

The unfortunate diagnosis by Cordaro however, is that somehow we can become whole all by ourselves.  It’s the same mindset of modern, secular psychology and 1,000s of self-help books,  He didn’t research which ancient wisdom traditions were successful at this goal and how.  If he had, he might have discovered Jesus.   

Enjoying The Enough Life Part Two now available! Click here.

*Excerpt from Greater Good Magazine, May  27, 2020 What If You Pursue Contentment Rather Than Happiness?

** BBC’s Nat Rutherford

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The Great Destructive Force

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Anger is cruel and fury overwhelming,
    but who can stand before jealousy?  Proverbs 27:4

When I delved into research about envy vs. jealousy I came across this interesting view from Psychology Today: 

“Although jealousy is a painful emotional experience, evolutionary psychologists regard it not as an emotion to be suppressed but as one to heed—as a signal or a wake-up call that a valued relationship is in danger and that steps need to be taken to regain the affection of a mate or friend. As a result, jealousy is seen as a necessary emotion, because it preserves social bonds and motivates people to engage in behaviors that maintain important relationships.”

Jealousy, unlike envy, is about emotional needs within relationships.  Be it between spouses, children and parents, or even between co-workers and a boss.  “My mother loves my sister more than me.”  “My wife pays too much attention to our neighbor.”  “He’s always playing up to the boss for compliments.”  These are all situations where a person is seeking to fulfill emotional needs through the wrong outlet.  When we feel jealousy arise in our hearts it should be a warning to evaluate where our prideful hearts are seeking to fulfill all its needs.

In the books of Mark and Luke a scene unfolds wherein the disciples argue amongst themselves who is the greatest of them.  They all want to be seen as the “top dog” alongside Jesus.  Who does Jesus love more?  Who does He rely on the most?  All signs of a strain of jealousy woven among them.  And true to Jesus’ ability to cut through the sin of man He reminds them all that they are to be the “least” among men.  To accept His love as little children, with innocence and grace.  James later reminds us of jealousy’s dangerous results: “You desire and do not have so you murder.  You covet and cannot obtain, so you fight and quarrel.”

Friend, as Samuel Rutherford once wrote, “There is so much in our Lord’s pantry that will satisfy His children, and much wine in His cellar that will quench all their thirst.”  He admonishes us to live on Christ’s love alone.  When we place all our emotional needs in one human relationship we are sure to be disappointed. And disappointment can lead to jealousy.  As Rutherford goes on to say, “Let those who love this present world have it; Christ is the more worthy and noble portion; blessed are those who choose Him.”

Loving Lord, thank you for being a fountain of love that never runs dry.  A place I can return to over and over to refresh me.  Help me to seek your love above all so I can place my earthly relationships in the right place in my heart.  Amen

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Taking Offense

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Fools show their annoyance at once,
    but the prudent overlook an insult. Proverbs 12:16

This is the second rendition of today’s post.  When I started this blog over two years ago, I asked the Holy Spirit to speak through me.  If writing a particular post felt like I was pulling teeth I knew it wasn’t coming from the right source.  As a result, the post I wrote earlier went into the “delete” pile.  Each sentence I wrote was interrupted either by texts, my husband, timers going off, etc.  I now realize every time my mind wandered to one of those interruptions it was a tap on my shoulder to re-focus and re-write.

You see what was happening in the background of my original text was this very proverb.  I was getting annoyed and offended by problems surrounding an event I am hosting.  It only took me about a half a day to finally figure it out.  The Holy Spirit giving me a real life example of practicing what I preach!  

Being offended has risen to an artform these days. We are offended by other drivers, cashiers, politicians, neighbors, strangers, businesses, faceless people in our social media threads, our friends, our family, our spouses and on and on.  If “they” don’t conform to our wants and needs, it might ruin our day.  If “they” don’t act how we think they should we are hurt and insulted.  No grace and definitely no mercy.  

We take for granted that God won’t do the same to us.  Thank goodness because we all probably offend Him multiple times a day.  While He may allow our sinful actions to suffer the corresponding consequences, He isn’t sending down bolts of lightning to smote us each time we mess up.  He hasn’t washed His hands of us because He’s had it for the last time.

Friends, it’s time to step back and control our emotions.  We have in Jesus the perfect example for us today.  He was whipped, beaten, stabbed, spit on, forsaken by friends, and hung on a cross yet He still loved.  He still asked God to grant mercy.  Today, can’t we do the same with the brothers and sisters around us who are probably doing their best to make it through this day just like you?  I, for one, got this message loud and clear today.

Gracious God, thank you for your mercy.  Help me to deliver that same mercy and grace to those around me who might insult me or cause offense.  I thank you for teaching me how to seek peace throughout my days.  Amen

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Tears

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But while he was still a long way off his father saw him and was filled with compassion for him; he ran to his son, threw his arms around him and kissed him.  Luke 15:20

I know the text doesn’t say it but I can only imagine the tears flowing from the father and mother in the story of the prodigal son.  In fact, the King James version says “he fell on his son’s neck” in a dramatic display of joy and love.  Awhile ago, my family brought me to tears of joy with a surprise visit from my daughter, whom I hadn’t seen in months.  I heard the front door open and thinking it was my older daughter I made my way toward the front of the house to tell her hello.  When I realized it was my younger daughter I was overcome with tears and unable to speak.  I stood there sobbing in her arms.

It may seem strange to be thankful to God for tears but without them our world would be so vanilla.  I’ve laughed until I have cried with friends and family.  I’ve cried out to God, thankful for His grace and salvation.  I’ve wept at the birth of my daughters.  And yes, I’ve cried those tears of sorrow, of loss, of anger, of desperation.

Those who sow with tears will reap with songs of joy. Psalm 126:5

So often we must weep, live in hard times before we can experience the full glory and blessing of God.  It’s why James tells us we should consider it joy to experience trials.  Because those trials produce good fruit in us.  And that fruit becomes something for us to share.

I have a friend whose 90 year old mother confesses to not remembering the last time, if ever, that she has cried.  What that means is she hasn’t participated fully in the gifts of life.  With each winter season in our lives we are so often rewarded with the spring, a time to bring  us great joys.  I want to go from this life knowing I have cried many tears from laughter, thankfulness, joyous surprise, beautiful surroundings and more.  I heard a Christian teacher say, “If you want the joy of Sunday’s resurrection you must first have the tears of Friday’s crucifixion.”

I’m so very grateful to God for giving us the outward ability to show our emotions.  To show those we love how much we love them, even after they are gone.  I’m looking forward to the day I can cry tears of joy when I see Jesus’ face watching for me from a long way off.  I know that when I get close enough, I will fall into His arms weeping, filled with joy.

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The Midol Woman

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We demolish arguments and every pretension that sets itself up against the knowledge of God, and we take captive every thought to make it obedient to Christ.  2 Corinthians 10:5

I love watching the British tv show Midsommer Murders.  I’m a detective fan since my young girl days of hiding my Nancy Drew books inside my school desk and sneaking it out when the teacher wasn’t looking.  I pay extra on my Amazon Prime account to get these shows.  Recently however, they’ve added commercials – dropped in at odd places in the show.  One such commercial keeps popping up, show after show, day after day.   It’s for Midol, the pain reducer typically suggested to relieve cramping and pains due to menstruation.  

The commercials themselves are a testament to where we are at in society.  You see, each of the women are portrayed as victims.  Not necessarily of having a period but of having to deal with the pain and therefore their related behavior.  I call them the Midol Women.   One actress states, “If I don’t stop apologizing for my period behavior (apparently she’s quite a bear during this time) then it’ll never stop for future generations.”  Another states, “I’m not going to keep apologizing for being a ‘mad black woman’ just because I’m on my period.”  Period.

The message conveyed is “whatever I’m feeling today the world had better watch out!” And, “don’t make me apologize for what I’m about to unleash!”

Isn’t that the loud and clear message we hear so much today?  I’m not required to keep my mouth in check because (fill in the blank – my truth, my pain, my socioeconomic status, my race, my sexuality, my whatever) but YOU had better keep your mouth in check.  It all creates a bit of a neck whiplash.  And the result? Pain, hurt feelings, swelling pridefulness, torn relationships, violence and more.

James 3:10-11 says, “Out of the same mouth come praise and cursing.  My brothers and sisters, this should not be.  Can both fresh water and salt water flow from the same spring? 

When it’s a Christian acting in this way we get the giant stamp of “hypocrite” placed on, not only us as individuals, but the faith as a whole.  It’d be better to live by the wisdom of the Proverbs.

Fools give full vent to their rage, but the wise bring calm in the end.  Proverbs 29:11

This concept has really hit home for me these past few months as I’ve battled constant pain in my ears and head.   I want to lash out at my husband at the end of the day when he’s being, well, just a man.  Normally I could laugh and tease him.   But it takes all the strength and patience out of me each day to not give in to the pain.  So when someone close to me does something annoying, my strength needs to come from somewhere else.   Because my tank is empty.

I don’t want to ruin a beautiful weekend by constantly gripping about how I feel.  I may always feel this way if my doctors can’t figure out what’s wrong.  So I have to ask myself, do I want to be the Midol Woman and demand that everyone around me accept my emotional bombs?  Or do I draw on the strength of God which the apostle Paul wrote when he spoke of his constant thorn in his side (2 Cor 12:7-10)?

Believe me, I want to be cured.  And I don’t like that women must suffer during their periods.  I hate that people, like my mother in law, have to deal with the effects of chemotherapy. Migraines, back pain, knee pain, the list goes on and on.  When we lose sight of who we belong to and what is expected of us we fall prey to being the Midol Woman.  We lose control of our tongue and its ability to “set great forests on fire by a small spark.” (James 3:5)

Dear Christian, we are held to a higher standard than the Midol Women of this world.  And yes, it is okay to be weak and cry.  It’s okay to lose our cool once in a while and have a bad day.  But to say we shouldn’t apologize for lashing out in those weak times is of the flesh and we are called to be better.  God expects us to be better, and most of all to be humble.  The world says it’s ok to rant, rave, slam doors, curse others – as long as it doesn’t happen to you.  God says, “Come to me all you who are weary and burdened and I will give you rest.” (Matt 11:28)

It’s at our weakest times that our decision to be resolute in our faith is tested.  Not on the good days, not on the days our pain is masked, not on the sun shining days.  No, throughout the Bible we see we are almost sure to be tested on the bad days, the days we want to stay in bed, the days it takes a full tank and we are living on just a quarter.  It’s those days that when people say to me, “God is just a crutch” that I say, “Great, give me two.”

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Our Quarrelsome World

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And the Lord’s servant must not be quarrelsome but must be kind to everyone, able to teach, not resentful. 25 Opponents must be gently instructed, in the hope that God will grant them repentance leading them to a knowledge of the truth, 26 and that they will come to their senses and escape from the trap of the devil, who has taken them captive to do his will. 2 Timothy 2:24-26

There’s certainly been a lot of “quarreling” the last 20 years in the United States and the world in general.  These last few years have seen a steady rise in conflicts.  Conflicts used to be among countries.  The most troublesome trend seems to be that now more than ever they are among neighbors.  

We live in a world where all bets are off when it comes to social niceties.  One article I read reminds us of some of the following “old fashioned etiquette rules”:

  1. Don’t point
  2. Don’t curse
  3. Dress to impress
  4. Stick to tasteful topics
  5. Cover your mouth when you cough
  6. Avoid private conversations in public

All of those, plus the others I haven’t listed, are to allow for a calm and peaceful and respectful social environment.  But a cell phone video I saw the other day is just one example of how we’ve thrown so many of these out the window.  

The video, taken by a woman shopping at Target, shows an older man following her and pointing at her.   He has a mask on and a sticker stating, “I’m vaccinated.”   His issue with her? She isn’t wearing a mask.  Now, this post is not about the pros and cons of mask wearing. And in this instance wearing a mask was not mandated in that store.  It’s about his approach and her response.  This man had many choices prior to harassing this woman.  If he was really worried about getting sick he could 1) stay home and order on line or 2) avoided being near the woman.  Interestingly enough he didn’t seem to be doing any of his own shopping.  It appeared he was there to “catch” people without a mask.  

What does this have to do with being a Christian?  What does it have to do with being resolute in Christ?  Our choices each and every minute of the day define what type of Christian we have chosen to be.

In our verse today we are reminded to be kind to everyone.  To teach gently without resentment.  We are all most likely familiar with the term being a “Karen.”  That’s someone who is a tattle tell, a modern day Pharisee.  This man was being a Karen.  And he certainly wasn’t succeeding in teaching anyone anything positive.  Yet the new social norms say this is ok.  We are to vilify those with whom we disagree.  We may not all be Westboro Baptist Church members standing outside the funerals of homosexuals with messages of hatred but how many of us in the last year have made disparaging remarks about people who 1) don’t wear a mask or do wear a mask, 2) aren’t vaccinated, 3) voted for a different candidate, 4) don’t like shutdowns or do like shutdowns, and on and on. I’m not talking about private conversations with friends or family members.  I’m talking about in public and social media.  I’ve clicked on people’s profiles who have written horrible things and they proudly state they are Christians.

And the woman?  She wasn’t successful either.  She just kept arguing with the man.  She could’ve 1) smiled and moved on since he wasn’t physically threatening her 2) put a mask on to make him feel better 3) left the store and come back later 4) called security 5) invited him over to talk.   So many choices for both.  But they chose the least peaceful route.

I, myself, have gotten wrapped up in issues and have deleted comments I realized were not in keeping with my desire to walk well in my faith.   And so, I reflect back on that cell phone video taken in Target.  I ask myself which person in that video am I?  The Harasser?  The Victim?  The Bystander?  In fact, I’ve been all three.  But as a follower of Christ, I’m learning He wants something completely different of us.  He wants us to be the peacemaker.  He wants us to do things so different that it shocks people.  Our Jesus–directed actions in this quarrelsome world need to be set apart.

When we get annoyed, outraged, hurt, abused, Jesus tells us to respond differently.   He first wants us to be responsible for our own words and actions (James 3:6).  He then wants us to be gentle, not angry and resentful.  Truth doled out without love will never be received how we intended.  

I picture myself the subtle Karen, rolling my eyes at people wearing two masks as they walk outside at a park and I need to stop and have compassion for their fears.  I imagine myself in a store being spoken to harshly by a customer for not wearing a mask and instead of responding in kind, draw on the Holy Spirit asking for peace.  This isn’t just about these current large issues.  It’s how we respond in all life’s situations.  Do we lash out, with uncontrolled emotions, seeking to justify how we feel?  Or do we use wisdom and compassion to guide us?

My dear brothers and sisters, take note of this: Everyone should be quick to listen, slow to speak and slow to become angry, because human anger does not produce the righteousness that God desires.  James 1:19-20

The temptation is so great to join this new quarrelsome social environment.  It’s easy to blast a comment at someone.  The devil loves an angry Believer.  But if we remember that Jesus stands by our side, we can be resolute in living the Christian life He expects of us.

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Repair My Soul, Oh Lord

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The Lord is my shepherd, I lack nothing.  He makes me lie down in green pastures, he leads me beside quiet waters, he refreshes my soul.  Psalm 23:1-3

A couple of ladies in one of my Bible study groups have had workmen at their houses this year.  If you’ve ever had people working on your house you probably have already conjured up the trials and delays you experienced.  It seems inevitable.  So often promises are made and quickly broken from timeframes to costs.  One of these ladies missed Bible study to be at home for a painter, who had not completed the work the day prior.  The next day the painter arrived only to tell her he was going to another job instead and just needed to pick up his ladder.  After multiple delays the painter fired my friend.  Yes, you read that correctly.  After asking him to give her a better idea of the actual timeframe the painter called her up and said he couldn’t work with her!

Thank goodness when we need work done on our hearts and minds God is a much more trustworthy repairman!  Today I praise God for refreshing us, for fixing our missteps, for repairing our souls.

I was recently talking with a friend about forgiveness.  And what came out of that was the need not only to forgive but to ask God to help repair our hearts and minds of all the negative associated emotions.  Forgiveness is not an easy task when we’ve been hurt, abused, taken advantage of, or even when things or people are taken from us.  And so, we give it to God to help us forgive.  I wonder however, how often when we forgive others do we have a residual bitterness or pain or guilt left in us?  I find this is often the case for me when it comes to having to forgive myself.  When something triggers a bad memory I cringe a bit and that demon called “guilt” or “shame” wants to raise it’s ugly head. 

God doesn’t want us to just forgive but to live a life of forgiveness – a life free from that guilt and shame and bitterness.  All of it. Not one single tiny pocket of it left in our hearts.

Psalm 51 has so many great prayers to God for restoration and healing.  Here’s a couple:

Verse 2:  Wash away all my iniquity and cleanse me from my sin.

Verse 7: Cleanse me with hyssop, and I will be clean; wash me, and I will be whiter than snow.

Verse 12 — Restore to me the joy of your salvation and grant me a willing spirit, to sustain me.

God has a 1-800-Repairman hotline.  He not only answers 24/7 He jumps into action when needed.  It’s time to ask God to completely remove those the negative emotions from our past.  To be completely renewed.  To be completely healed.

A Christian is not a man who never goes wrong, but a man who is enabled to repent and pick himself up and begin again after each stumble – because the Christ-life is inside him, repairing him all the time.

C.S. Lewis Mere Christianity

Isn’t God so loving, so unique in this trait?  He lives as our own mini-repairman right in our souls.  We don’t need to wait for the next appointment (in 3 weeks) or be disappointed when he doesn’t show up.  All we need to do is ask God to fix us.  And even if we aren’t sure exactly what the problem is, if we ask him to make a diagnosis He will – free of charge.  

I know that I will mess up and break some things in my life.  I also know that when I gave my life over to Christ I got a lifetime warranty.  All repairs covered upon asking.

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35,000 Decisions

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…yet I will rejoice in the Lord, I will be joyful in God my Savior. 
Habakkuk 3:18

According to Psychology Today we make an average of 35,000 decisions each day.  That’s about 2,000 decisions per waking hour.  I remember when I was working as a public relations and marketing executive at a mid-sized company.  At the end of each day I felt exhausted.  I couldn’t even think about what to make for dinner.  I realized at some point I had decision-making fatigue.

So many of our decisions are ones we don’t really think much about – if we are going to get up and go to work, if we are going to brush our teeth before leaving the house, if we are going to get dressed.  We just sort of do them out of habit or necessity.  

But what about our faith lives?  How many of us have, along our journey, made the decision to fade away from our faith?  Not realizing we’ve made a decision to shut out God.  For some people, because of issues at their church or maybe a difficult time in their life they actually made a conscious decision to completely turn away.

There are basically three types of people shown in the Bible.  First there is the nonspiritual person who has not accepted God at all.  Second there is the person who has accepted Jesus as their savior but still lives by the world’s expectations. And third is what is considered a “mature believer.”  This person learns to do the will of God no matter how he/she feels or how difficult it is.

When I was a child, I talked like a child, I thought like a child, I reasoned like a child. When I became a man, I put the ways of childhood behind me.  
1 Corinthians 13:11

This is where the term “baby Christian” arises.  It’s the second type person described.  Picture how a baby lives its life.  Crying and throwing a tantrum when things get uncomfortable.  Babies are very self-focused people.  They don’t care if you haven’t slept all night or exhausted from a long day at work.  They want, they need, they demand.  If they don’t get it, they aren’t happy.  They live off feelings and wants and needs.  It may sound harsh, but how many of us are living our Christian lives this way?

No matter what level we are on, we should want to grow , but if we find we are still in the baby stage of Christianity, we should certainly make a commitment to God to start working with His Holy Spirit toward maturity.  

Joyce Meyer, Change Your Words, Change Your Life

That’s why I like the verse from Habakkuk today.  Prior to verse 18 the prophet lists all the things that are going wrong – the fig tree isn’t budding, there’s no grapes, the olive crop is failing, and there’s no livestock.  Yet he will rejoice.  

Great faith is maturing faith. Great faith is growing faith. And great faith is becoming stronger and great faith is standing on the truth of the Word of God. Not feelings, not other people’s opinions, not the past, great faith stands on the truth of the Word of God. Here’s what God is saying. And the focus is on God. Great faith is always focused on God. 

Charles Stanley

And growing faith means choosing to be faithful. We humans don’t tend to like to be the cause of our problems. We want our lack of commitment to God to be about something that happened to us, an absence of the right feelings, or because of the world’s demands. But it’s really about where we have placed so many of our 35,000 decisions. In how many of them did we even consider God’s desires for us?

When you feel like quitting or running away, remember that you can’t run away from your troubles and you can’t run away from yourself. The solution is not running away; it’s running to. It’s running to the throne of grace and finding grace to help in time of need.

Warren W. Wiersbe, Prayer, Praise & Promises: A Daily Walk Through the Psalms

Take the time today to consider your decision making and how it relates to your commitment to God.  Sometimes we are tasked to just decide to run to Him – not waiting for a feeling or some grand emotion to well up inside us.  If we can make the decision to get up and go to work today or the decision to do the laundry or get the kids off to school we can make the decision to open our Bible. We can make the decision to have a conversation with Jesus. 

Most of the 35,000 decisions we make today will be for the world of the flesh.  How many can we carve out to be the ones that matter for all of eternity?