psychology today

Bible, bible study, Christian, Christian Church, christian encouragement, christian men, christian parenting, Christian women, Faith, Jesus, Jesus Follower, prayer, proverbs, religion, Transformation Prayer, Uncategorized, wisdom

The Great Destructive Force

January 27, 2023January 13, 2023 krisshetter

Anger is cruel and fury overwhelming,
    but who can stand before jealousy?  Proverbs 27:4

When I delved into research about envy vs. jealousy I came across this interesting view from Psychology Today:

“Although jealousy is a painful emotional experience, evolutionary psychologists regard it not as an emotion to be suppressed but as one to heed—as a signal or a wake-up call that a valued relationship is in danger and that steps need to be taken to regain the affection of a mate or friend. As a result, jealousy is seen as a necessary emotion, because it preserves social bonds and motivates people to engage in behaviors that maintain important relationships.”

Jealousy, unlike envy, is about emotional needs within relationships. Be it between spouses, children and parents, or even between co-workers and a boss. “My mother loves my sister more than me.” “My wife pays too much attention to our neighbor.” “He’s always playing up to the boss for compliments.” These are all situations where a person is seeking to fulfill emotional needs through the wrong outlet. When we feel jealousy arise in our hearts it should be a warning to evaluate where our prideful hearts are seeking to fulfill all its needs.

In the books of Mark and Luke a scene unfolds wherein the disciples argue amongst themselves who is the greatest of them. They all want to be seen as the “top dog” alongside Jesus. Who does Jesus love more? Who does He rely on the most? All signs of a strain of jealousy woven among them. And true to Jesus’ ability to cut through the sin of man He reminds them all that they are to be the “least” among men. To accept His love as little children, with innocence and grace. James later reminds us of jealousy’s dangerous results: “You desire and do not have so you murder. You covet and cannot obtain, so you fight and quarrel.”

Friend, as Samuel Rutherford once wrote, “There is so much in our Lord’s pantry that will satisfy His children, and much wine in His cellar that will quench all their thirst.” He admonishes us to live on Christ’s love alone. When we place all our emotional needs in one human relationship we are sure to be disappointed. And disappointment can lead to jealousy. As Rutherford goes on to say, “Let those who love this present world have it; Christ is the more worthy and noble portion; blessed are those who choose Him.”

Loving Lord, thank you for being a fountain of love that never runs dry. A place I can return to over and over to refresh me. Help me to seek your love above all so I can place my earthly relationships in the right place in my heart. Amen

Stop Pretending

January 13, 2023January 1, 2023 krisshetter

One person pretends to be rich, yet has nothing;
    another pretends to be poor, yet has great wealth. Proverbs 13:7

According to an article in Psychology Today the advent of social media brought about a terrible case of lying. Lying about our weight, our age, our financial status, social standing, looks, and well, just about everything about ourselves. In a study that reviewed 80 online daters, researchers found that two thirds of participants lied about their weight by five pounds or more. In a large sample of over 2,000 people in England 43 percent of men admitted to making up facts about themselves and their lives that were not true. Most commonly, participants said that they only shared “non-boring” aspects of their lives (32 percent) and were not as “active” as their social media accounts appeared (14 percent).

Some might say, eh, what’s the big deal? While we humans like to think we are individually responsible for our own health and well-being we actually are in a giant social contract with each other. When a young teen looks at people online having the time of their lives 24/7 they may think, “why is my life so boring?” Unhappiness, dissatisfaction, loneliness, or worse, thoughts of harming themselves are paths many may take when evaluating their own “normal” lives.

I remember having this very conversation with my youngest daughter her first year of college. “Everyone else that went off to school seems to be so happy. Why am I struggling?” she once said. I reminded her that very, very few people post the other 12 or 18 hours of their day when they are studying for a test, sitting alone having lunch, or crying from homesickness.

Our wise words today speak to how we show our wealth or lack thereof. But in the larger scheme of things, it’s about pretending to be something we are not. I can’t help but think this comes from a place of looking for love and affirmation in the wrong places. God loves you when you have money and when you don’t. He loves you when you are doing boring things like taking out the trash. He loves you when you are on a fabulous vacation or quietly reading a book on the couch.

Friend, God loves you when you are being true to your situation. You don’t need to pretend to be something you aren’t. So stop trying to keep up with the influencers who stood in line for three hours to get that perfect shot in Malta. If all you can do for a vacation is take a hike in your nearby woods, enjoy every single minute of it. God is with you and loves you right where you are.

Lord, help me shine for the person you made me to be right now. I want to be thankful for the blessings you have given me. I know you love me whether rich or poor. Whatever you have blessed me with help me to bless others by being genuine and true. Amen

Take His Advice

January 1, 2023December 22, 2022 krisshetter

“Since they would not accept my advice and spurned my rebuke, they will eat the fruit of their ways and be filled with the fruit of their schemes… but whoever listens to me will live in safety and be at ease, without fear of harm.”  Proverb 1:30-33

Are you the kind of person who likes to dole out advice? According to an article in Psychology Today, research tells us that whenever a person tells us what to do and how to do it, we respond with defensive defiance because we want to maximize our personal freedom and decision-making. And in another study about giving advice, it indicates that, even if you’re not actively out to take the reins over others, giving advice can make you feel like you have some sway, which helps you feel more powerful.

So here you have two polarizing human actions. The need to have some, a little or maybe even a lot of power over people’s decision making coupled with a defiant audience wanting to, as toddlers so often say, “do it myself!” Is it any wonder that the entire first chapter in God’s book of wisdom, Proverbs, focuses on the challenges and pitfalls of ignoring God’s advice? We humans want so often to go it alone. We buck and itch at someone telling us how to do it better or different – even when we can see they are correct. Our sinful nature seeks immediacy, comfort and pleasure. Yet, God’s Word can sometimes ask us to do the exact opposite.

Here’s a secret about God. He doesn’t need to feel more powerful. He is all-powerful already. He doesn’t need you to listen to Him. He can do just fine without you or me. You will eventually experience any consequences of ignoring Him all on your own. He doesn’t have any other motivation in giving advice than this one thing: He loves you immensely. He won’t be a “stage mom.” He’s not pushy and obnoxious. He simply lays out a very clear path to make living this temporary life in this broken world as best possible.

So friend, while you may spurn the advice of others because you are unsure of their motivations I encourage you to embrace His wisdom. We can be assured of His motivation. He loves you so much that He wants you to live a good life with eyes toward His eternal kingdom.

Lord, help me not to turn my ears from your Words. I want to soak up your advice and live out a life full of your wisdom. Amen

30daysofpraise, Bible, bible study, Christian, Christian Church, christian encouragement, christian men, christian parenting, christian podcast, Christian women, Faith, Jesus, Jesus Follower, prayer, religion, Uncategorized

Our Outward Reverence

August 12, 2022August 24, 2022 krisshetter

“And we all, who with unveiled faces contemplate the Lord’s glory, are being transformed into his image with ever-increasing glory, which comes from the Lord, who is the Spirit.” 1 Corinthians 3:18

“Holy Spirit, today as I stand looking into my closet in deciding what to wear today help me to not only have an inward Christ-like life but also an outward one so that I may completely glorify God in all I show the world. Amen”

I know it’s not fashionable or even politically correct these days to say things like, “the clothes make the man (or woman) but in the not too distant past this was understood as fact. This well documented human behavior actually acknowledges a role in what our outward appearance says to the world. You may think things have changed because of culture or “at home work” but human psychology is a pretty stubborn thing. Don’t take my word for it.

“Through our clothing, we can send each other silent cues that signal to others how we expect them to treat us. This works because we tend to make very quick assessments of situations and people and put them into categories that we already understand. This cognitive shortcut, known as representative bias, saves us precious computational energy.”
Sarah C. Newcomb Ph.D., Psychology Today

And in a 2012 study done through Northwestern University, researchers found that wearing certain clothes exerts influence through symbolic meaning. So, when, as Christians, we leave the house each day do we ever consider what message we are sending out to our neighbors, the folks at the grocery store, at church or at the beach by our clothing choices? That’s not to say we should be covered head to toe in some sort of hijab – the Bible doesn’t ask that of us women.

^“20you were bought at a price. Therefore, honor God with your bodies.” 1 Corinthians 6:20

Jesus wants us to present ourselves with honor in front of God. That means we clean ourselves off and cover our private bits up. When my youngest was home from college her last summer she wanted to find a modest one piece bathing suit. Quite the change from her bikini days. When asked why, she said she wanted to be more modestly dressed around her Christian boyfriend. That’s the Holy Spirit work in a believer!

Friend, when we leave our homes and go out into the world, we are God’s representatives. And when we attend church, we should present our best as though receiving an audience in front of the king. We glorify Him through our modesty of outward appearance and exuberance of inward love.

Bible, bible study, Christian, Christian Church, christian encouragement, christian men, Christian women, Faith, Jesus Follower, Uncategorized

35,000 Decisions

April 26, 2021September 1, 2021 krisshetter

…yet I will rejoice in the Lord, I will be joyful in God my Savior. 
Habakkuk 3:18

According to Psychology Today we make an average of 35,000 decisions each day. That’s about 2,000 decisions per waking hour. I remember when I was working as a public relations and marketing executive at a mid-sized company. At the end of each day I felt exhausted. I couldn’t even think about what to make for dinner. I realized at some point I had decision-making fatigue.

So many of our decisions are ones we don’t really think much about – if we are going to get up and go to work, if we are going to brush our teeth before leaving the house, if we are going to get dressed. We just sort of do them out of habit or necessity.

But what about our faith lives? How many of us have, along our journey, made the decision to fade away from our faith? Not realizing we’ve made a decision to shut out God. For some people, because of issues at their church or maybe a difficult time in their life they actually made a conscious decision to completely turn away.

There are basically three types of people shown in the Bible. First there is the nonspiritual person who has not accepted God at all. Second there is the person who has accepted Jesus as their savior but still lives by the world’s expectations. And third is what is considered a “mature believer.” This person learns to do the will of God no matter how he/she feels or how difficult it is.

When I was a child, I talked like a child, I thought like a child, I reasoned like a child. When I became a man, I put the ways of childhood behind me.  
1 Corinthians 13:11

This is where the term “baby Christian” arises. It’s the second type person described. Picture how a baby lives its life. Crying and throwing a tantrum when things get uncomfortable. Babies are very self-focused people. They don’t care if you haven’t slept all night or exhausted from a long day at work. They want, they need, they demand. If they don’t get it, they aren’t happy. They live off feelings and wants and needs. It may sound harsh, but how many of us are living our Christian lives this way?

No matter what level we are on, we should want to grow , but if we find we are still in the baby stage of Christianity, we should certainly make a commitment to God to start working with His Holy Spirit toward maturity.
Joyce Meyer, Change Your Words, Change Your Life

That’s why I like the verse from Habakkuk today. Prior to verse 18 the prophet lists all the things that are going wrong – the fig tree isn’t budding, there’s no grapes, the olive crop is failing, and there’s no livestock. Yet he will rejoice.

Great faith is maturing faith. Great faith is growing faith. And great faith is becoming stronger and great faith is standing on the truth of the Word of God. Not feelings, not other people’s opinions, not the past, great faith stands on the truth of the Word of God. Here’s what God is saying. And the focus is on God. Great faith is always focused on God.
Charles Stanley

And growing faith means choosing to be faithful. We humans don’t tend to like to be the cause of our problems. We want our lack of commitment to God to be about something that happened to us, an absence of the right feelings, or because of the world’s demands. But it’s really about where we have placed so many of our 35,000 decisions. In how many of them did we even consider God’s desires for us?

When you feel like quitting or running away, remember that you can’t run away from your troubles and you can’t run away from yourself. The solution is not running away; it’s running to. It’s running to the throne of grace and finding grace to help in time of need.
Warren W. Wiersbe, Prayer, Praise & Promises: A Daily Walk Through the Psalms

Take the time today to consider your decision making and how it relates to your commitment to God. Sometimes we are tasked to just decide to run to Him – not waiting for a feeling or some grand emotion to well up inside us. If we can make the decision to get up and go to work today or the decision to do the laundry or get the kids off to school we can make the decision to open our Bible. We can make the decision to have a conversation with Jesus.

Most of the 35,000 decisions we make today will be for the world of the flesh. How many can we carve out to be the ones that matter for all of eternity?