Therefore, since we have these promises, dear friends, let us purify ourselves from everything that contaminates body and spirit, perfecting holiness out of reverence for God.2 Corinthians 7:1
Like everyone else on this blue planet I’ve had my share of relationship problems. From friends to family and love relationships to work ones I’ve had my share of angry words and uncomfortable silences. In the past, I would rush in to trying to solve whatever problem had arisen. I couldn’t allow a quiet, cooling down period. I needed to work out the disagreement right now. I tried using my own solutions –whether it meant apologizing, arguing my point, denigrating myself, or even pretending nothing happened.
When I finally started taking my most important relationship seriously all that changed. When I placed God above everything in my life it helped to prioritize all my other relationships. It also meant I turned to God in seeking solutions to interpersonal interactions.
I recently have been turning to God about a friendship that has had its ups and downs. Instead of fretting over it and attacking it with my old gusto, I’ve given it over to the Almighty. I’m asking Him to let me know when to speak and when to stay silent. When to apologize and when to stand firm. And I have found His solutions to be so different than ones I would’ve dreamed up. His solutions have love for others first and foremost.
Today I praise God for being a change maker. For taking us broken, imperfect beings and turning our lives upside down. When I started taking Him seriously, He started making some serious changes in me.
Submit yourselves, then, to God. Resist the devil, and he will flee from you. 8 Come near to God and he will come near to you. Wash your hands, you sinners, and purify your hearts, you double-minded.9 Grieve, mourn and wail. Change your laughter to mourning and your joy to gloom. 10 Humble yourselves before the Lord, and he will lift you up.James 4:7-10
Besides the amazing gift of salvation, the promise that we are changed is quite possibly one of the greatest “selling points” of believing in Jesus Christ. My old way of doing things? It caused me a lot of heartache, despair, worry, and loneliness. And when we truly accept that Jesus Christ is our Lord and Savior we can’t help but be changed. We need to embrace it, ask for more of it, and look in anticipation for it!
Recently, after an interaction with a difficult person, I drove home praising God and giving Him all the glory. I said, “Thank God you have changed me Lord! Thank God I’m not the person I used to be!” Instead of angry, unattractive thoughts, I could only think of how good God is and how much He loves me.
I’m still working on my relationship with our amazing Triune God. But I know that when I get that right I can look forward to getting a lot of other things right. There’s so much that still needs to be changed in me and I know Jesus is the just the man for the job.
On hearing this, Jesus said to them, “It is not the healthy who need a doctor, but the sick. I have not come to call the righteous, but sinners.” Mark 2:17
“We are pretty much the only hope that God has for reaching people who need him.”
Joyce Meyer
On a recent visit with my daughter back in St. Louis, Missouri, she invited me to her friend’s 50th birthday gathering. It was to be just a small group as her larger party had already taken place. My daughter, who is 23, is blessed to have a number of women in her life who are not only mature in their marriages and in life in general, but in their faith. As I sat listening to them, I said a silent prayer of thanks to God. He, once again, put me right where I needed to be.
I listened as these Christian women of varied ages shared memories of shared events and the joy of being disciples to younger women. You see, their church encourages all ages to seek being discipled by more experienced Christians – something I haven’t experienced in the 20 years I’ve been an active Christian.
The birthday girl’s good friend suddenly announced we were to all take turns expressing what we loved about the newly christened 50 year old. She turned to me and said, “You don’t know Renee well so you don’t need to say anything.” I disagreed. I definitely had much to love about this woman that I had just met.
As each woman spoke, I felt the love flow throughout the group. It was sweet and brave and authentic. And at my turn I’m sure they all wondered what I would have to say.
“As a mother I miss my daughter terribly. She’s so far away. She has no family for hundreds of miles. And now with a baby on the way it grieves me that she is alone out here. But I realize she isn’t. I am so thankful she has Renee as her friend and godly counsel. A mother couldn’t ask for anything better besides being here herself,” I said.
You see my daughter’s friend, Renee, has taken her under her beautiful wings. She provides wise counsel about marriage, faith, motherhood and more. I could be jealous when I hear my daughter talk about her relationship with Renee. But my faith progression has brought me instead to a place of thankfulness. My daughter is incredibly blessed to be surrounded by Christian women who are prepared and ready to offer Biblical counsel.
“The Spirit of the Lord is on me, because he has anointed me to proclaim good news to the poor. He has sent me to proclaim freedom for the prisoners and recovery of sight for the blind, to set the oppressed free" Luke 4:18
That’s Jesus in the above verse. Jesus our wise counselor setting us free from our prisons. And He trained up His disciples to spread His message of salvation and freedom. Like the old shampoo commercial goes, “and they told two friends and so on and so on.” Which brings us thousands of years later to this little group at a café in Missouri.
Here’s what I noticed about those six women I sat with that night. 1) They didn’t gossip 2) They lifted each other up with genuine compliments 3) They showed love and concern for each other 4) They were confident in expressing their faith and 5) They were eager and willing to take up being disciples.
"Therefore, go and make disciples of all nations, baptizing them in the name of the Father and of the Son and of the Holy Spirit,20 and teaching them to obey everything I have commanded you. And surely I am with you always, to the very end of the age.” Matthew 28:19-20
These women are living the Great Commission. Teaching and guiding and loving Jesus’ flock. I sat there like a fan-girl marveling at being in the midst of ordinary women who were so extraordinary. Yes, ordinary women. They aren’t pastors or scholars although one is in fact a trained Christian counselor. They are students of Jesus. It gave me hope of what I could achieve with faith and the blessings of God.
I took the opportunity to ask a few of them a Christian counseling question.
“If I find myself in a situation with a fellow Christian who is struggling with an issue, what’s your best advice?” I inquired.
Without hesitation three of the women, including my daughter who herself disciples young women, said: “You need to really get to know the person. There needs to be a sense of trust that you come from a place of love.” And the birthday girl? She emphasized my old favorite, truth plus love. Not being afraid to speak God’s truth into someone from a loving perspective. Remember that Jesus trait of having a warrior spirit? Renee takes it to heart. She knows the end game – saving a soul.
“As you being the process of bringing correction into someone’s life, put yourself in his shoes. If you were the one sitting there, would it be easy or difficult for you to hear what is about to be said? If the person you are correcting acts closed at first it may be that he’s just embarrassed or reacting out of insecurity. Therefore don’t stop the conversation unless you can see that he’s just being combative. You need to be patient and slow in judging their reaction to your correction.”
Rick Renner, Sparkling Gems from the Greek
Isn’t this the reaction we worry about the most when we need to speak truth to our Christian friends or family members? A fear of making someone angry or embarrassed? But here lies the reason why “Wise Counselor” sits at the end of our faith progression. Without love, without a sense of serving God, without courage, without knowledge of the Lord’s will, we will probably fail at being what our friend, child, sibling, co-worker, or sister in Christ truly needs.
So, when Jesus asks us to “follow” He isn’t just offering Himself up to save us from eternal damnation which by itself is a pretty amazing gift. He’s saying “join me in a journey.” He’s saying, “we’ve got work to do together.” And if we stop partway on the journey and decide we are “fine” where we are at, we miss the opportunities He wants to put in front of us to free more captives.
I don’t know about you but I need wise Christian counselors in my life. And if I could be like Renee and be a blessing in other’s lives, I know it’d make Jesus smile. My imperfect progress, as my friend Betsy likes to say, is still progress. I want to know and live out having the mind of Christ. I’m not where I was when I started and I still have a ways to go. Thankfully, I can trust that Jesus and the Holy Spirit are my guides and cheerleaders.
When we started this journey, I invited you to say a prayer of confession I found in Sparkling Gems from the Greek. And true to God’s ways He put another in front of me to close out this series. Please join me in this prayer and confession. I pray that you seek love, humbleness, courage, and wisdom on your journey.
“Lord, I ask you to help be kind and patient when it is essential for me to bring correction. Help me to not be offended if the person I’m trying to help doesn’t respond at first the way I wished he would have. Help me put myself in that person’s shoes and to sympathize with how he might feel. I ask You to give me wisdom to know what to say, when to say it, and how to say it. I also ask that You give the other person the grace to hear what I am telling him so he might see that I have his best interest at heart and that I am only trying to help him. I pray this in Jesus’ name!”
“I confess that I have the mind of Jesus Christ! When it is needful to me to speak correction to someone else I do it with love, kindness and patience. I refrain from allowing anger to rise up inside me. I am careful about the words that come out of my mouth, and I refuse to participate in vain arguing. I remain in control of myself as the Holy Spirit works mightily inside me. My words bring life to all who hear and receive them! I declare this by faith in Jesus’ name!”
"Cast all your anxiety on Him because He cares for you." 1 Peter 5:7
“I believe Jesus died to deliver ourselves from ourselves. How many of us are just fed up being ourselves all the time?”
Joyce Meyer
The darkness, fury and despair of the young woman sitting next to me grew with each passing minute. We were so close I could feel her shoulder touching mine. Sitting on the airplane we found ourselves in that strange world of invading each other’s personal space while pretending neither existed. Her billowing cloud seem to want to seep over the dividing line of the armrest to pull me in.
This seemingly quiet, unassuming young woman opened her computer and began pounding on her keyboard like the devil itself was trying to escape her fingertips. My eyes drifted to her brightly lit screen. I couldn’t help but notice the many words in all caps. And I was drawn to know what was causing her so much angst. It appeared she was writing a complaint letter about a work environment. As her fingers marched like Roman soldiers across the keyboard, pounding and erasing and pounding some more I couldn’t seem to tear my eyes away from the battle. She was hurt and outraged. She felt betrayed and abused. Her past hurts served as the basis of why her employer should’ve known better. And then those pounding fingers suddenly slammed the lid of the smoking computer closed. Her fury still burned. You could almost see the sparks coming from her.
Over the course of three and half hours I watched this woman join the battle numerous times, editing, adding and pounding. And then she started in on an email to her family. I kept praying that she, once there was internet service, would have a change of heart and not send off the bombs she composed. But alas, before deplaning, she picked up her phone and started, with the same fervor, sending off salvos via text messages. I have never seen a person’s finger move with such speed and aggressiveness. Like driving pass a car accident I couldn’t seem to look away.
I’ve come to realize that God puts me in all types of situations to test and teach me. I was learning a valuable lesson. You see, my tendency to get outrage over “unfair” situations is something I’ve battled with forever. As I watched this young woman blow up at probably everyone in her life, I realized how much I need God to lead me out of my sin. How much I need God to provide me with a different perspective. How much I need to rely on God for peace. What I wanted to do was turn to her and ask if she knew about Jesus. I wanted to wrap Jesus’ love around her. To somehow snap her mind off her problems and look up to God. I could turn and look at this woman and see my own face looking back at me. And I didn’t want to be “that girl.”
In 2019 there were more than 18 million self-help type books sold in the United States. The number of unique titles rose nearly three-fold from 30,897 in 2013 to 85,253 in 2019. That’s a lot of people trying to fix themselves! Isn’t that, so often, what we turn to our friends, co-workers and professionals for – advice on fixing our problems?
Aren’t we exhausted yet trying to fix ourselves? As the world drifts farther from God it shouldn’t be surprising that so many people are working so hard to fix their own problems. Jesus came to save our souls but I believe He also came to save us from ourselves.
“The only way we are ever ready for a change in our life is when we are tired of “me.” When we say we cannot continue to do the work of trying to make ourself happy. We are fed up.”
Joyce Meyer
When we stop striving, stop trying to control what other people think of us, stop trying to please everyone, stop shaming ourselves for our past, stop playing victim, and start putting God as our King, our Creator, our Lord we can release the yoke of our fleshly life.
"Then Jesus declared, “I am the bread of life. Whoever comes to me will never go hungry, and whoever believes in me will never be thirsty." John 6:35
And follow Him. Retire from our self-care routines. Self-care as in trying to fix ourselves. Certainly we take care of ourselves, our minds and bodies. But God always calls us to take a new perspective in every aspect of our lives. When we take time to mediate, what do we mediate on? When we decide what best to eat or how to stay in shape, who do we do it for? Why do we word vomit all over our family or friends trying to get them to see “our side?” For ourselves? Or for our Heavenly Father?
I’ve heard the evangelist teacher Joyce Meyer make this statement many times: “I was always on my mind. I was so selfish.” To change that she created these three steps:
Live to please God, not yourself. You are making a Kingdom investment. And you will always get a great return on your investment.
Refuse to have “me” on my mind all the time. I’m not thinking about what’s wrong with me all the time or how I can get people to do things for me.
Always use money and things to bless people. Don’t use people to get money and things.
Jesus frequently took the focus off Himself and placed it on God. He prayed for help in times of pain and trouble. He told the disciples to look to the Father. He guided new believers to putting away their shame and accepting forgiveness from God. The times He had to solidify His place as the Savior He seemed almost reluctant. The focus for Jesus the man was always God and how to best please Him.
In my study on Revelation, I was asked the question, “How does the fact that Jesus is King of Kings and Lord of Lords affect our everyday choices and decisions?” In other words, getting ourselves, off our own minds and onto the Creator. I’m finally leaning more on Him as my wise counselor. He is my exercise coach, my nutritional advisor, my mental wellness guru. When I see my mind and body as belonging to Him, I realize the responsibility I have to keeping myself focused on what He wants for me. I fail frequently. And when I do I come to Him seeking and receiving forgiveness.
I encountered the young, angry, hurt woman at the end of my trip. Before it had even started however, I failed to grab on to God’s promised peace by my favorite method of failure –outrage. The TSA officer and I had a bit of a confrontation. I blustered and was rude. As I walked away, I realized I was wearing my silver cross around my neck. I may have flushed in embarrassment. I failed to show grace and patience and forgiveness. I took the situation personally. It was all about “me.”
The difference for me at that moment was instead of adding it to my Vault of Shame I lifted it up to God. I had a counseling moment with Him. I felt His disappointment and His love. It set me on course to be more aware of my behavior choices while in the crowded airport.
“We are in the middle between hating sin and sinning. When we aren’t accustomed to making good choices it’s hard. The devil is working against us. The more often we make those good choices it becomes easier.”
Joyce Meyer
And so, on my return flight, as I sat next to the woman with fire bursting from her fingertips, and like lava flowing out on her family, friends, co-workers burning bridges left and right I wanted to be like Jesus. To be able to look her in the eye and know her hurts, her overwhelming pain and say, “follow me.”
And he died for all, that those who live should no longer live for themselves but for him who died for them and was raised again. 2 Cor 5:15
It wasn’t a counseling moment for her. Although I prayed for her. It was a reminder message to me. To live for Jesus. To place my thoughts on Jesus. To release my pain and hurts to Him. To stop trying to defend and take care of myself. To trust that He wants the best for me and will guide me to whatever that looks like. To take my mind off me and have the mind of Christ.
“So do not be afraid of them, for there is nothing concealed that will not be disclosed, or hidden that will not be made known. 27 What I tell you in the dark, speak in the daylight; what is whispered in your ear, proclaim from the roofs. 28 Do not be afraid of those who kill the body but cannot kill the soul. Rather, be afraid of the One who can destroy both soul and body in hell.” Matthew 10:26-28
One of my friends has found herself in an unexpected teaching opportunity. She and her husband were active participants in a Bible study held at my house for about 5 years. My observation was that he wasn’t progressing in his faith journey. He seemed a bit stuck. He was definitely a man of faith and attended church regularly. But he kept listening to the world’s half truths about Jesus.
A year passed after that study group disbanded and my friend came to me asking about doing another study group. She was particularly concerned about her husband. They were no longer attending the same church and with the study group having disbanded her husband was without the counsel of other Christians. We decided to start a new group but it would be just women this time around and it left her concerns about her husband unanswered.
Over the course of last year my friend has made amazing strides in her faith progression. Just last week I listened to her as she was able to answer a difficult Bible study question with a great analogy – making it all clear to the rest of us! Like the glee I had while watching one of my Girl Scouts successfully learn to build a fire I jumped for joy at my friend’s insight! I loved it!
And God has answered her prayers about her husband. It wasn’t the answer she was expecting. You see, the teacher he needed was her. Her husband has watched her transformation with awe. She is living out the Word. And he started asking her questions about Jesus. After church (their new one) they go for breakfast and sit and discuss the sermon. He relies on her for further insight and instruction.
“But in your hearts revere Christ as Lord. Always be prepared to give an answer to everyone who asks you to give the reason for the hope that you have. But do this with gentleness and respect, 16 keeping a clear conscience, so that those who speak maliciously against your good behavior in Christ may be ashamed of their slander.” 1 Peter 3:15-16
My friend’s teaching opportunity was close at home. And at the start of Jesus’ ministry, He too started close to home. The first recorded teaching by Jesus was to His cousin, John the Baptist. Jesus asks John to baptize him but John recognizes Him as the Messiah and tries to convince Jesus it should be the other way around.
Jesus replied, “Let it be so now; it is proper for us to do this to fulfill all righteousness.” Then John consented. Matthew 3:15
Jesus knew His audience. As a devoted man of God, John was well practiced in what it meant to achieve holy righteousness. And so he accepted Jesus’ reasoning.
When you follow along Jesus’ teaching path, you’ll find it to be not only slow and patient but tailored for each person or group of people He encounters. And that’s the joy in teaching. No matter what we teach it’s important to know the delivery method. At first, Jesus reached out to His cousin, then His cousin’s followers and their friends. And the tipping point, after performing quiet acts of healing and word of them spread, was the Sermon on the Mount.
But even after He preached to large crowds, He would encounter individuals and specifically set aside time to teach them. To tell them about the glory of God and the forgiveness of sins.
To the learned He spoke with confident knowledge of Moses and Isaiah. To the poor and lame, He taught through love and compassion. To the average man and woman, He used parables containing everyday elements like farming and relationships. And to the disciples He opened their eyes to the mysteries of the Kingdom. Each time He sought the “ah ha” moment for which every teacher longs. The moment when the light comes on inside.
“You are the light of the world. A town built on a hill cannot be hidden. 15 Neither do people light a lamp and put it under a bowl. Instead they put it on its stand, and it gives light to everyone in the house. 16 In the same way, let your light shine before others, that they may see your good deeds and glorify your Father in heaven. Matthew 5:14-16
I once was leading a small Bible study and the topic of “evangelizing” came up. It usually makes people squirm. One participant said she just didn’t feel ready to talk to people about God. And yet she’s been a Christian for about 50 years. What if we erase the word “evangelize” and replace it with sharing or teaching? What if instead of picturing ourselves standing before the Pharisees or Sanhedrin we picture ourselves sitting with our children or a friend? And sharing how Jesus has brought us peace and joy in times of trouble. That should at a minimum be expected of us.
My friend I mentioned at the beginning has come a long way. About a year ago, her adult son started asking her questions about God and Jesus and she felt unprepared. She had prayed for many years that her son would turn to Jesus. And now he was asking her questions. So, what did she do? She sought instruction, she prayed, and she was bold. And at her next opportunity to teach a family member, her husband, she was ready.
“Our lives should reflect the love and goodness of Jesus but we should pray that the Lord would give us opportunities to share the gospel with people who come into our lives.”
Pastor Adriel Sanchez, Core Christianity Podcast
Jesus didn’t want to keep His life offering amongst a small group of people. So yes, He lived a good and faithful life but He didn’t stop there. He reached out to people. He shared through teaching the most important lessons we will ever learn. He prepared for this task. And when His time came, He was ready.
The question is, are you ready?
Your role as teacher may be needed right now. For your children, your spouse, your neighbor, a struggling believer or searching non-believer.
Have you worked on the other steps so you can teach, like Peter says, with gentleness and respect? Have you put yourself in positions to be a humble servant and therefore interacting with non-believers in positive ways? Are you studying His Word so when confronted with half-truths or outright lies about God you can stand firm like a warrior? God has already tested you in all these areas. He’s tested me. What is your report card? In what areas do you need to ask for God’s help today so you can be ready?
“I am Jesus, whom you are persecuting,” He replied. “Now get up and go into the city and you will be told what to do.” Acts 9:5-6
I did not grow up in a strong, male-led home. My father was a sweet man who worked a lot. When he got home from work we ate dinner, he showered, and then fixed himself dessert and watched TV. On the weekends we didn’t do family activities and outings. He was just, well, there. Not bad and not great. He is an atheist who believes he can work through any problem in life in his own head.
So, when I met my father-in-law, I expected the same. But I couldn’t have been more wrong. One of my first encounters with John Shetter lives on in infamy. And yet shows his commitment to humbly serving others. You see, I was out visiting my then boyfriend and his parents and we took a short drive from their hometown into nearby Boulder, Colorado. After a nice morning we had lunch, walked around a bit then headed back for the 20 minute drive home. Suddenly, my lunch decided it wasn’t agreeing with me. I whispered to my boyfriend that trouble was brewing. He then turned to John, who was driving, and said I needed a bathroom – pronto.
The car seemed to have entered hyper speed and we may have turned into the driveway on two wheels. The first out of the car was John. He ran to the front door with keys ready and flew the door open for me. I’m not sure if I have ever been more grateful in my life!
A funny tale for sure but John’s desire to make sure my needs were met as quickly as possible is his calling card throughout his life.
Dad is dedicated to Jesus’ teachings – he approaches all people with consideration, thoughtfulness and patience. He has given himself in service to so many entities: church, senior center, hospital, YMCA, underprivileged children. To serve others, therefore serving God is in his DNA.
Dan Shetter, youngest son
I didn’t grow up around any devoted Christian men in my life. In fact, most of the men I’d been around, either through work or school, were not the “humble servant” types. To see a strong, head of household with a job in the corporate world balance those roles with the character of Jesus is truly a great lesson for us all.
And he wasn’t alone. I found, as I married John’s son and met so many of their family friends, that he was surrounded by men of humble servanthood. Men who attended church regularly, went to Bible study, volunteered throughout the community, loved on their families, and talked comfortably about praying for others. They are bankers and realtors, teachers and business owners.
John’s service to the community is something he prefers to “keep behind the scenes.” His commitment to our church is exceptional as he has served in leadership, providing children’s messages, and many other tasks too numerous to mention!
Longtime friend, Chuck Allen
My younger daughter recently told me that one of her company’s core values was that everyone be willing to make the office coffee. I love that. It makes it clear that no task is too small for anyone throughout the organization. During a particularly busy season they asked the corporate staff to give one hour a week to the production floor because they were behind on orders. No job is too big or too small for even the CEO.
That’s how John sees his life. A few years ago, he helped set up a warming shelter at his church. On particularly cold nights they open their doors for the homeless to spend the night. But he didn’t just help set it up. I have been at their home when he headed off to his shift in the dead of night. No bells or whistles. In fact, I wasn’t sure where he was going at first. Just off to serve the Lord’s flock.
“You see that his faith and his actions were working together, and his faith was made complete by what he did.” James 2:22
He has even turned his favorite pastime into an act of service. He loves historical stories, especially related to the old West. He trained to become an official storyteller, a “Spellbinder,” just so he could go into schools and share his tales. This imposing 6’ man sits in a tiny school chair and regularly spins yarns about Indian folklore and pioneer heroes. All because he loves to see smiling little faces.
John doesn’t wait for someone else to fix a problem. He turns to the Lord for direction and takes a step forward. He may not always get it right but he knows he is always working from the right heart.
There’s a lot of “Johns” out there in the world. Men carrying the weight of their family. Men on their knees praying for God’s guidance. Men serving their communities and answering the call to, “feed my sheep.” So many serve quietly and humbly and we might overlook them. The noise today is that men are evil, men are self-serving, men need to be less like, well, “men.” But it is on men, like Saul in our first verse, to whom Jesus placed the weight of the world to spread the Good News.
A humble servant. A man of strength. Those aren’t mutually exclusive. They are an opportunity to achieve God’s holy balance.
I have a good friend who has been a Christian for much of her life. She’s now in her 60’s. It’s been fascinating watching her in her faith progression. For years she sat solidly in the knowledge that Jesus died for her sins. She knew that God loved her. She can quote many Bible verses, she taught Sunday school, and has an active Bible study life. But it was only in the last year that she has firmly grasped the lesson of being a loving and faithful friend to the unlovable. She was led to finally forgive a family member. To show that person love and kindness. And what she discovered was the other places in her heart that were holding out on God’s love for others. Jesus has put out His hand to her and said, “It’s time to move forward.”
“We love because he first loved us.” 1 John 4:19
When I listen in to a Pastor Max Lucado podcast I find myself in the presence of a man who exudes God’s love. His voice alone invites us to sit with him by the fire. He then gently walks us through the Words of Jesus expressing God’s immense, unwavering love for us. It is truly a gift God has given him.
You and I long for Someone who will meet us in the midst of life’s messes. We long to believe in a living, loving, miracle-working God who won’t think twice about stepping into the thorny thickets of our world and lifting us out. I have an encouraging word: you are not alone.
This message of God’s love for us and His faithfulness is not a small thing to accept. And Jesus’ command – yes command – for us to open those gifts and use them cannot be leapfrogged. Without honing and living out being a loving and faithful friend to God’s people the rest of the message is rarely listened to and accepted. When the Truth of God is wrapped tightly in love we will find ourselves ready to be God’s hands and feet.
“During our first birth we relied on our mother and the doctors to do the work. We were loved and carefully cared for. In our second birth we rely on the loving God to care for us — to help create a new heart and mind for us.”
Max Lucado
Have you practiced and perfected the Loving and Faithful Friend mindset? Or are you still stuck in the unbelief that Jesus fully loves you – not realizing your chains are broken? Are you trapped in a world of unforgiveness, judgment, or anger towards people around you or the circumstances in the world? Ask God to reveal to you any hidden places in your heart that keep you from fully living like the loving Jesus.
I’ll be perfectly honest and say that at the ripe age of 56 I still struggle with anger and resentment. I once told a group of Bible study friends I wanted to be more “sparkly.” You know, that woman that seems like she’s living her best life — seemingly floating above life’s strife. Everything not only rolls off the “sparkly” woman’s shoulders but she also dives deep into joyous moments. When my prayer life finally included this plea to God He showed me how my lack of Jesus-type love for others was the chain holding me back.
For some of us that “sparkly” life is easier to achieve. For others our well-honed training from our past and the perils of our everyday environment make it more difficult. And that’s when Jesus fills the gap between what we are able to accomplish and what we cannot. When we encounter difficult people or circumstances, it’s Jesus’ love — for us and others — that is the bridge.
"By this everyone will know that you are my disciples, if you love one another." John 13:35
I’m glad I’ve had the opportunity to re-visit Pastor Lucado’s teachings about love. He reminded me not only that I am deeply loved but God expects me to love the “unlovable” in my life. I encourage you to pick up any of his books or tune into his podcast, Encouraging Word. We all can use the reminders of God’s love for us and how to gift that to others. For most of us we need to be in constant training. Practicing, failing, and practicing again. When we fail we need to make note of how to do it better next time, pray for forgiveness, and ask God to tap us on the shoulder when the time comes to do it again.
I know the old “what would Jesus do” saying has gotten a bit worn out but the question still is powerful. There is no other, more powerful, more consistent touchstone for our lives than Jesus. When I pray for God’s strength, guidance, and wisdom I frequently ask for Him give me that shoulder tap when I’m about to go astray. To interrupt what is about to be my “typical” response to a person or situation and instead turn my head slightly toward Jesus as a reminder.
"And walk in the way of love, just as Christ loved us and gave Himself up for us as a fragrant offering and sacrifice to God." Ephesians 5:2
You’ll notice throughout Jesus’ words and the New Testament it’s not enough to have the absence of dislike, rudeness, unforgiveness, etc. He offered Himself up as a fragrant offering. He brought something to God. We are to bring something of ourselves into our relationships with the people of the world.
There are days that I have only been able to accomplish the “lack” of something bad. And when I do that, I feel incomplete. I lay my head down at night knowing I didn’t run the race well — I just made it around the track. And so I ask Jesus to help me do it as He would the next time. He always says, “I will.”
Jesus always loves us. And He is always with us ready to tap our shoulder. As Pastor Lucado says, “You are never alone.” He is our constant example to look toward. And in my next post you’ll meet an ordinary woman who lives out Jesus’ mindset of being a loving and faithful friend, making her extraordinary to all who meet her.
The Lord will march out like
a champion,like a warrior he
will stir up his zeal;with a shout
he will raise the battle cry
and will triumph over his enemies.Isaiah 42:13
Like you, I’ve dealt with a lot of difficult people throughout my life. Whether it was at work, my children’s school, youth sports, or even my church, I encountered people who just wanted to be adversarial. And I am certain I was someone’s “difficult person” at one time or another. But I think the most painful experiences surrounding adversaries are when they are part of our family.
I was talking with a good friend of mine the other day about our two families. We both struggle with difficult parent situations. One day she and her sister had a heart to heart about a disagreement from a few weeks prior. With my Christian friend’s kind and gentle approach she spurred the revelation that they had become their parents. Each sister taking on the personality and fighting style of one of their parents. That revelation started a healing process in both of them. Truly a small victory.
In my own life I have transitioned through the stages of grief when it comes to my relationship with my parents. I denied there was a real problem in my family. When I finally recognized the problems, I became angry and fought constantly with my mother – trying to change her. I even had my own way of bargaining to try and create a Hallmark-style mother-daughter relationship. I would do things for her to help her see what a good person I really was. But my expectations and hopes were always dashed. I became depressed for awhile when I realized we would never be a family that loved being together. I just wanted to untie myself from my parents and let them go adrift. All of this was before I finally surrendered. I raised my white flag. But not to any human. To God.
But thanks be to God, who in
Christ always leads us in
triumphal procession, and
through us spreads the fragrance
of the knowledge of him everywhere.2 Corinthians 2:14
Paul wrote this to the church of Corinth during a very difficult time for him and his relationship with this church. They were angry with him for changing his plans about visiting. Some had started false preaching about him behind his back. And, as Warren Wiersbe states, “When Christians misunderstand each other the wounds can be very deep.” Isn’t that true of our families as well?
During the last few years, I have experienced that Christ-given “fragrance of knowledge of Him.” And as I have done so, I finally had to experience that last stage of grief – acceptance. For us Christians that acceptance comes, more importantly, with forgiveness. I stopped trying to change the situation by myself. And I started to rely on God to handle the situation with my parents. I hold on to the truth of who loves me for all eternity. And I’m learning how to stay tied to my parents without feelings of hurt and anger. As I spoke of this with my friend she announced very boldly, “And now you have VICTORY!”
..so you should rather turn
to forgive and comfort him,
or he may be overwhelmed by
excessive sorrow. 8 So I beg
you to reaffirm your love for him.
9 For this is why I wrote,
that I might test you and know
whether you are obedient in
everything. 10 Anyone whom you
forgive, I also forgive. Indeed,
what I have forgiven, if I have
forgiven anything, has been for
your sake in the presence of Christ,
11 so that we would not be
outwitted by Satan; for we are
not ignorant of his designs.2 Corinthians 2:7-11
I forgave my parents for not being able to provide me with what I was looking for in a relationship. I realized they had never been the recipients of overwhelming love. I stopped being angry and instead became thankful for the life which God has blessed me – a loving family of my own. Had I given up at any of the other 4 steps of grief surely Satan would have won. But like Paul, I am no longer ignorant of the devil’s designs.
Thanks be to God for the triumph He has promised us. We can hold fast knowing that, not only will He have victory over those who would do us harm, but also over our own souls which get injured and hurt by the world. We can have victory because the Spirit of God rests in us.
Listen diligently to me, and eat
what is good, and delight yourselves
in rich food. Incline your ear,
and come to me;hear, that your soul
may live;and I will make with
you an everlasting covenant,
Isaiah 55:2-3
Jesus said to them, “I am the
bread of life; whoever comes to
me shall not hunger, and whoever
believes in me shall never thirst.
John 6:35
As so many of us prepare to enjoy delicious Christmas meals and beautifully wrapped gifts it’s easy to overlook that most of what we call “Christmas” isn’t necessary. Stripped down, Christmas is about one thing – God’s promise to deliver us the greatest gift, His son Jesus.
This year our “Christmas” seems a bit different. We are missing family and friends. But the promise I wanted to share with you is this, he always provides for us. Even in times that seem bare, He provides. In fact, the opportunity to truly appreciate what we do have is when situations seem the most difficult. It’s lessons like that which Jesus passed along to us through His bloodline.
He will provide in the most God-like ways – a stranger lends a hand, a paycheck bonus comes at the right time, an offer of food from a neighbor when you need it most. And the covenant agreement we need to uphold and hold on to is to trust in that promise.
I pray every day that what I write in this blog is what someone, even just one person, needs to hear from God. And the other day I was thinking about which Isaiah verse to use for Christmas. That day, my friend Betsy shared a story written by her sister for her local church. As she read it, all I kept hearing was “He provides.” I asked if I could share her beautiful family story here. Betsy’s family bloodline has passed down some amazing lessons. I hope you enjoy it!
A Privileged Life Growing Up By Rachel Mueller
I’m the oldest daughter of an Episcopal priest. I found growing up totally immersed in the culture of the Episcopal Church something very special.
This photo was taken July 2, 1953 for the Glendale California News Press announcing that my father was to be the new rector of St. Luke’s of the Mountains, La Crescenta, California and it introduced our family to the community. One of five and the oldest, you will see me pictured to the right of my father and holding my favorite Madam Alexander doll. My younger two brothers and two sisters completed our family – yes, five children in six years, something my mother said raised eyebrows at our new church! We lived in the large rectory, which was next door to the church and suited our big family perfectly. Apparently while constructing this new house, there was some opposition on the vestry to its size. And supposedly the previous Rector said, “Well, who knows? The next Rector might have five children.” Perhaps the Search Committee went looking for a priest with five children to justify their new building.
Living next door to the church, we were very much aware of all the church activities on a daily basis. There was always something, be it the regular church services, a wedding, funeral or special events. My father believed his family was an extension of him, so we were taught to answer the telephone properly; in my case “St. Luke’s Rectory, Rachel speaking” and to take messages in detail and often answer questions such as the times of the church services, or dates of meetings. In a way our parents used us as extra employees — we gave out keys, opened doors, passed the cookies at vestry meetings, set up the tables and chairs for parish events, washed the coffee cups after church on Sunday, went with our father to visit people in the hospital, took food to orphanages, helped relocate refugees (first the Dutch Indonesians, then Cubans, and later Vietnamese), and helped load real sheep into our station wagon for the live Nativity outside the front of the church at Christmas. Anything going on at the church was dinner table conversation, including who was sick and in the hospital, or just died, or had a baby. The doorbell rang morning, noon and night with someone wanting something, or wondering “Where’s Fr. Sadler?” It was a constant in our life. The parish got to know us, and we quickly learned the names of all the parishioners.
In contrast to many clergy today, our father always wore a black shirt (not grey, or blue or some other color) and his clerical collar. I don’t remember ever seeing him not wearing this “uniform” until years after he retired. Even on his day off he was dressed in “the collar”. He was very active in our community which made him well known, which in turn brought great benefits to our family. He was usually the clergyman on stage at our school graduations, there to give the invocation or benediction, which made me very proud. Everywhere we went folks would stop him to say hello and show us special kindness. We were often invited to parishioners’ home to swim on hot afternoons. We were treated to Disneyland when it first opened. There were always special gifts of food and goodies at holidays – items that weren’t part of our regular family fare.
The most important lesson I learned from my father was “God will provide.” So many wonderful things happened to us, I thought we were very wealthy. It wasn’t until I went away to college that I learned what salary my father actually made. I couldn’t believe it. On paper we were poor. But our lives were rich and much more interesting than those of my friends. For example, we might suddenly have some homeless folks at the dinner table. My mother would just say “Rachel, please set the table for three more.” We often would never see those people again but the memory and lesson of hospitality remain.
I could fill a book with stories of wonderful things that happened to us as a result of living in a family grounded in love, trusting that “God will provide” and accepting life as it comes; but enough for now.
And he said to his disciples,
“Therefore I tell you, do not
be anxious about your life, what
you will eat, nor about your body,
what you will put on. For life is
more than food, and the body more
than clothing. Consider the ravens:
they neither sow nor reap, they
have neither storehouse nor barn,
and yet God feeds them. Of how much
more value are you than the birds!
Luke 12:22-24
Do not fear, for I have redeemed you;
I have summoned you by name; you are mine.
When you pass through the waters,
I will be with you;
and when you pass through the rivers,
they will not sweep over you.
When you walk through the fire,
you will not be burned;
the flames will not set you ablaze.Isaiah 43:1-3
Around the holidays we inevitably start seeing helpful news stories on how to deal with our families at social gatherings. How to handle the uncle who drinks too much. What topics not to bring up around your opposite political leaning parents. And yet we still attend these family events. Why? Because they are our family and we still love them. It’s amazing what we will put up with when it comes to family.
That idea of “blood being thicker than water” keeps us closely tethered to our loved ones. It reminds me of those pre-school ropes with little fabric rings the children hold on to so they don’t wander off and get lost. The teacher admonishes the children to grab hold of their ring tightly so the little family stays together. And if Jimmy gets distracted and starts to head in a different direction, the group pulls him back in.
Now imagine God as our head of household. He provided the roof over your head, the food for the feast and the gifts about to be received. He created that uncle, your parents, and even that really weird cousin. And He calls you His child. He calls us to grab hold of our place on His family rope so we don’t get lost.
There is neither Jew nor Gentile, neither slave nor free, nor is there male and female, for you are all one in Christ Jesus. If you belong to Christ, then you are Abraham’s seed, and heirs according to the promise.Galatians 3:28-29
We drink too much. We gossip. We steal. We withhold forgiveness and mercy. We look to the world for guidance. We work so hard to let go of God’s tether and yet He sticks with us. He still shows up. He never leaves us. We are his. He is Immanuel — God is with us.
I was reading a prayer by Charles Spurgeon called “The Presence of the Word.” He describes God’s Holy Word as always being with us. The divine teachings through the Bible are at our fingertips, on our mind and at the ready whenever we need Him.
“Oh, let it (Your Word) be in us a living seed that will produce in us a life acceptable before God…..Lord, we ask that your Word may chasten us whenever we go astray. May it enlighten us whenever for a moment we get into darkness.”
Charles Spurgeon
If we make the mistake that the Bible was written long ago and has little or no connection to our life, we have attempted to untethered ourselves from God. He is always with us through His living Word. The Bible is meant for us right now — to be His constant voice and sense of being part of His family.
My son, keep your father’s command
and do not forsake your mother’s teaching.
Bind them always on your heart;
fasten them around your neck.
When you walk, they will guide you;
when you sleep, they will watch over you;
when you awake, they will speak to you.
For this command is a lamp,
this teaching is a light,
and correction and instruction
are the way to life.
Proverbs 6:20-23
When we keep the Word of God tethered to our heart and mind, He is sure to be always with us. You might say, “I’m not good about memorizing scripture.” But here’s a little secret: So much of our lives are already seeped in God’s Words and commandments. We can all probably list a few of the 10 commandments right here and now. And if we were to stick with those the rest of our lives and truly follow them, we’d be closely tethered through eternity.
But His Word has so much more wisdom and comfort available to us. The first verse I truly memorized was:
Be still and know that I am God.
Proverbs 46:10
And it’s funny. As soon as I decided to try and remember that verse it started popping up everywhere! God was with me, guiding me, encouraging me to remember. Like a parent cheering on a baby taking her first steps.
He promises to never leave us. We were called to Him by name. We are His. And when we feel the pull of that blood to bring us back home, we need to show up — be the other half of the covenant. Our family is not complete without you.
Therefore go and make disciples of all nations,baptizing them in the name of the Father and of the Son and of the Holy Spirit, and teaching them to obey everything I have commanded you. And surely I am with you always, to the very end of the age.Matthew 28:19-20
When I was a kid one of my most favorite shows was, “I Dream of Jeannie.” My friends and I would take turns playing the Barbara Eden character, Jeannie, and the Larry Hagman character, Tony. Major Anthony Nelson (Tony) crash landed his space capsule on a remote beach. He discovered a beautiful bottle and opened it. With a puff of pink smoke out popped a gorgeous, blonde genie. She, of course, offered him three wishes and the opportunity to be her “master.” Being a gentleman, he refused not only the wishes but to be called “Master.” She fell deeply in love with him. Jeannie and her bottle came to live with Tony in Cocoa Beach, Florida. As the tv seasons went on, Tony also fell in love with Jeannie and eventually, they married. The problem along the way was she kept calling him “Master.” He always insisted she call him “Tony.” It was a way of life she lived for 1,000s of years. In that time the rules stood – when someone opened your bottle, they were your master. It took a lot of training to break that habit and eventually call him “husband.”
It takes a lot of work to be called a “master” of something. Journalist and author Malcolm Gladwell wrote about the 10,000-hour rule in his 2008 bestseller, “Outliers.” The rule is simple: mastery comes after someone practices one skill for 10,000 hours. And new studies show even that may not make you great at something. In some areas you still need talent or clearly defined ways in which you practice. When you break down the 10,000-hour rule it’s overwhelming. It can take more than 20 years to accomplish this feat for one skill.
God has been at work as Master of our world much longer. And who knows how long he has been Master of the Universe! I’m thinking He has gotten pretty good at being in charge, not only of our lives, but the entirety of our world. And yet we still buck under His authority. He doesn’t ask for a “master-slave” relationship from us. In fact, in Hosea, God clarifies His role in our lives. He wants to lead us, speak with us tenderly, shower us with riches. And when we respond in loving obedience He says:
“In that day,” declares the Lord,
“you will call me ‘my husband’;
you will no longer call me ‘my master.’”
Hosea 2:16
I think as Christians we struggle in life between seeing God as our “master” as in “the boss” and as our “husband” because we constantly try to pull away and lead our own lives. The sin that is created from this brings feelings of condemnation and pain. Instead we should see God as “The Master of the Universe” – the being who has put in way more than 10,000 hours of practice. He’s who we can lean on, trust, look for guidance, find hope in, and gain strength from. And with that, He wants a personal relationship with us — as a loving “husband.”
A lot of feminists bristle at the Christian ideal of family structure. A husband as the leader of the family brings up hackles. And yet men and women who truly know and understand the Bible realize God created a loving hierarchy in our families based on our God-centered, world hierarchy. There are no slaves with brutal masters. There are masters who had responsibilities to slaves throughout the Bible. There are business people who must treat their workers appropriately, just as God has treated them. And it’s very clear that both a husband and wife have responsibilities for loving and caring about each other.
God, the All Knowing Master, is also our betrothed. I praise Him for being both – a powerful force that I can rely on and love with all my heart.
emboldened.net 