Tag: cancer

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Loving Enough

krisshetter 
Trust in the Lord with all your heart, and do not lean on your own understanding. Proverbs 3:5

Hello Friends!  I haven’t written for the blog in over a year and have missed hearing from you with your comments and insights!  Many of you know that this year has been one of many highs and lows.  In April, I commenced being a full time caregiver to my father, diagnosed the July previous with advanced bladder cancer.  It was a blessing filled with trials, sadness and laughter.  In September, my eldest daughter and I sat by his bedside watching him take his last breath.

As many of you have experienced yourself, being a caregiver not only takes up your physical time but also your mental and emotional time.  The thought of researching and writing was a dim, distant light this year.  Recently, that light has burned brighter with each passing day.  My prayers have included this burning desire.  I just today began gathering materials for a possible study in Romans.  I don’t know where it will lead but I know being in His Word is always fruitful.

Holy Spirit Nudges

As always happens when I start pondering writing with more fervor, the Holy Spirit nudges me and reveals truths to me.  Today, in fact just a few moments ago, was no different.

In my Truth for Life devotional (Alistair Begg), I was challenged like King David, to repent and humble myself.  To stop covering lies and let God cover them for me.  I wrote that I don’t love God as I should, nearly enough.  It was a hard truth to write but one that has weighed on my mind for some time.

And because God loves a great illustration to bring His point home, as I was sitting indisposed in my bathroom, both my dogs came up to check on my progress.  I say “both” because my dad’s dog now lives with us.  A dog whose fur is the exact color of my now deceased mother’s hair.  A dog who has lived most of his life in an unhappy home, full of strife and anger.  

As both came to nuzzle against my knees, I begrudgingly petted Ben – my dad’s dog.  Yet when my dog Tucker put his cold, wet nose on my skin I leaned in to snuggle with the big lump.  Tucker wandered off and little Ben laid close to my feet.  And I felt that Holy Spirit nudge on my heart.

You see, my allergies have gotten terrible with a second dog.  And after just one day of my new carpet Ben peed on it in two places.  He’s kind of neurotic and yelps at the slightest movement.  He follows me around breathing heavily and anxiously wherever I go.  He wanders off when we are at the beach as though he’s forgotten what I look and sound like.  His bark is sharp and annoying.  He’s underfoot and over needy.  

And I don’t love him like I should.  Like he needs.

Loving At Arms-Length

Ben is cute as a button.  But I don’t want to love him.  I don’t want to give myself fully over to him.  He represents a terrible past that I just want left behind.

In that moment in the bathroom, I realized what it means that I don’t love God the way I should.  I stand at arms-length from Him.  Because if I were to truly love Him, I would have to give all of myself to Him.  I would have to accept the good things and the bad things that come my way through His hands.  I would have to give up my fears, my prejudices, my preferences.  I would have to go “all in.”

While God may not sneak over to a corner and pee on my new carpet, He might bring people (or dogs) into my life that will.  People who need mercy, forgiveness and love.  I know this because He put me, a broken, sinful person, into other believers’ lives.  And I pray for their mercy, love and forgiveness towards me.

More Jesus

Ben, sweet goofy Ben, needs a lot of love and patience.  I need a lot more Zyrtec.  More than that, I need a lot more Jesus.  I need to love Jesus a lot more than I do.  So, I prayed for forgiveness today that I don’t love enough the God who sacrificed His Son for me.  Who has forgiven my yelping and my anxiety.  For making a mess on beautiful things.  

While I know the coming year will be full of unbelievers doing terrible things, I also know that God will be at work.  He will be in the tears and the laughter.  His glory will be available for anyone to see.  And I want to be sure to see and love Him at all times, in all places and in all circumstances.

Merry Christmas and Happy New Year!

Ben and Tucker

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Our Wise and Sanctified Souls

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"But you, dear friends, by building yourselves up in your most holy faith and praying in the Holy Spirit, keep yourselves in God’s love as you wait for the mercy of our Lord Jesus Christ to bring you to eternal life." Jude 1:20-21

You began your journey on the road of the sanctified life by professing your faith in Jesus Christ as your Savior.  You may not even have realized what that meant but, you took the step.  You began reading your Bible, going to church, seeking others of faith.  Your Knowledge Basket filled little by little.  Your soul became refreshed and watered at rest stops along the road by the Word.

The inevitable pothole leaps out at you suddenly.  You may even veer off the road a bit.  Your soul takes a beating with heartache and loss.  Your sins become a glaring, flashing red light.  But you look in your Trials Basket and remember God will never leave you or forsake you.  (Deut 31:68) You recall Him telling us to ask in His will and you shall receive.  (Matt 7:7-9)

The verses you so carefully plucked and memorized tell you the Holy Spirit is your strength and He has a plan for good.  We learn such jewels from Proverbs as, “Like a dog that returns to his vomit is a fool who repeats his folly.” (Prov 26:11)

You pick up and dust off your bruised soul and get back on the path, gathering experience after experience. Confirming over and over the truth of God’s Word.  The truth that He sees you and knows every hair on your head. (Luke 12:7) You remember each time a new pothole jumps at you to pray for His hand on your life.  You affirm to “Trust in the Lord with all your heart, and do not lean on your own understanding, and He will make straight your paths.” (Prov. 3:5) 

You come to a fork in the road.  To the left you see what appears to be an open, empty road.  It’s just you and the path.  It looks so easy to take.  To the right you see broken down souls trudging outside the path.  Ones who are weary and thirsty; ones who are lost.  Ones who are being deceived.  Souls who are in need.  But you also see the Holy Spirit ahead, like a busy traffic cop beckoning you forward.  

You must ask yourself, “Do I turn left, lock my doors and enjoy the blessing of salvation by myself?” Or, do I choose to submit myself to the entirety of God’s teaching?  Will you choose to fill your Stewardship Basket? To love your neighbor, to share the Gospel with your family and friends, to give your time, talents and treasure to those in need for the glory of God? (Matt 22:39)

God’s path calls for us to submit ourselves wholly to Him – not just part.  The “easy path” so often doesn’t turn out all that easy.  It’s a mirage, set up by the devil to deceive.  James tells us a partial faith is “double mindedness.” (James 1:8) And that person shouldn’t expect anything from God.  1 Corinthians 10:31 tells us “So, whether you eat or drink, or whatever you do, do all to the glory of God.”  It means we take all God has gifted us and we turn it back into glorifying Him to others in need.

As our soul matures along this road, we choose.  Yes, we choose which fork to take.  We choose to submit every sin, every action, every word, every need and every gift for His Kingdom.  When we do, God continues filling our Submission Basket with new experiences and new revelations.  We trust in Him and He gifts us the best road trip snacks – peace and the security of our eternal future.

"You will keep in perfect peace those whose minds are steadfast, because they trust in you. Trust in the Lord forever, for the Lord himself, is the Rock eternal." Isaiah 26:3-4

My friends, humans are the only created beings to which God has blessed this amazing opportunity of sanctification.  The animal kingdom obeys God’s plan instantly upon birth.  They do what they are made to do.  Yet, those actions are limited in scope.  We have so much more opportunity to glorify God with what He has given us!

God has placed us on this road to travel and gather.  Each mile marker brings us new insight into Him, the world, and the adversary.  Wisdom is not a far off mirage.  No, the jewels of wisdom sit firmly in our baskets which have been gathered along the way.

“Your commands are always with me and make me wiser than my enemies.

I have more insight than all my teachers, for I meditate on your statutes.  

I have more understanding than the elders, for I obey your precepts.  

I have kept my feet from every evil path so that I might obey your word.  

I have not departed from your laws, for you yourself have taught me.

How sweet are your words to my taste, sweeter than honey to my mouth!

I gain understanding from your precepts; therefore I hate every wrong path.

Your word is a lamp for my feet, a light on my path.”  Psalm 119:98-106

One day I will be an “old soul.”  Right now, however, I’m working my way down the road of life.  Making mistakes and re-submitting my life to Christ each day.  Forgetting to pray and rely on God’s sovereignty then having a friend ask me, “Have you prayed about that?”

I can feel my soul growing wiser, growing more at peace.  I want my roots to run deep in His Word so I bear good fruit for others to enjoy along the path. (Matt 7:17-18) But most of all I want to be ever thankful that Jesus took it upon Himself to build this path toward the heavenlies.  

A Path Freely Given

He didn’t have to.  We need to remember that fact when others abuse what Jesus did for us.  When they complain when we re-affirm Jesus is the only Way.  God didn’t have to make a way at all.  Not only did He build it, He gave us the full recipe, He gave us a guide.  All so we can make it safely home.

As I write this my 86 year old, cancer riddled, atheist dad has come to live with us before he travels his final path.  I’ve had many friends concerned for how hard this will be.  It is hard at times. Especially at 2:00 am when bed clothes and sheets need changing. Or when I must choose to forgo activities dear to me. But I am at peace.  

I realized this the other day.  It’s a peace I’ve prayed for a lot in my life.  I never expected during a trial such as this that peace would be what God gifted me on this road.  

The other day, I took my dad for his first ever mani/pedi experience to fix his old crusty toenails.  He loved it.  When I sent my Bible study sisters a photo of him in the salon, one commented: “I love that you are loving on your dad this way!  A foot washing like Jesus would do today!” 

It struck me that I have been sanctified for a time such as this. (Esther 4:14) Blessed with the opportunity to take the fork to the right and share the love, mercy and salvation message of Jesus Christ with my father.

My friends, I pray that you too will have many opportunities to do the same.

"May God himself, the God of peace, sanctify you through and through. May your whole spirit, soul and body be kept blameless at the coming of our Lord Jesus Christ." 1 Thessalonians 5:23

Our final question: What’s the best lesson you have learned so far on your sanctification journey?

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Enjoying the Cycle of Life & Death

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I had a dream the other day that I had died.  I didn’t die in the dream; I was already dead.  In the dream, I was aware of my death and now “living” in an idyllic New England-style bay village.  The whole situation seemed a bit quirky and yet normal.  There was the typical mom and pop breakfast and lunch café, an ice cream shop on the corner, and even a small inn with a welcoming lobby bar featuring wine nights.  My death-fellows walked about in full acceptance that this was their final destination.  They were friendly and colorful.  It all was so normal yet I kept saying, “surely this can’t be it?”

"There is a time for everything, and a season for every activity under the heavens: a time to be born and a time to die,” Ecclesiates 3:1-2

Ecclesiastes 3 might be one of the most well-known chapters in the Bible simply because in 1959 singer-songwriter Pete Seeger wrote the song, “Turn Turn” or “To Everything There Is a Season.” Made famous by the 60s band, The Byrds, throughout its lyrics the song repeats eight verses found in chapter 3.  

"To every thing there is a season, and a time to every purpose under the heaven:
A time to be born, and a time to die; a time to plant, a time to reap that which is planted;
A time to kill, and a time to heal; a time to break down, and a time to build up;
A time to weep, and a time to laugh; a time to mourn, and a time to dance;
A time to cast away stones, and a time to gather stones together;
A time to embrace, and a time to refrain from embracing;
A time to gain that which is to get, and a time to lose; a time to keep, and a time to cast away;
A time to rend, and a time to sew; a time to keep silence, and a time to speak;
A time of love, and a time of hate; a time of war, and a time of peace."

Seeger’s motivation was to emphasize the last line in King Solomon’s list of cyclical life – peace.  But Solomon’s goal was to remind us again that the world keeps spinning round and round and at times may seem so meaningless.  He reflected on wickedness and judgment – a judgment that would be sought out at each of our deaths.

Death, my friends, comes to us all.  We may want to dance around that truth with familiar colloquialisms such as, “If I die….”  But the truth of death stares us in the face each year when we reflect on the people we have “lost.”  “Lost” as though we don’t know what happened to them or where they went.  Maybe they’re wandering around in some idyllic New England town.  Maybe they are in a fiery furnace.  Or maybe they are “with the Lord.”  

As a Christian, I know there’s two roads to take toward death: 1) the way of the world and sin which leads to terrible judgement and hell or 2) the way of Jesus, leading to the glorious New Eden in which love abounds.  For the non-believer they may have chaos in their mind when they ponder death. If they’re atheists, like my father, they might believe that when we die we just disappear into nothingness. Others might hope for something better — like free ice cream for life, surrounded by Golden Retrievers. Many might imagine a walk up to the “pearly gates,” standing before an angel with a book of “infractions and do-goods” hoping the balance sheet is in their favor. For the atheist or confused, none of what they believe has as solid a foundational truth like the Bible.

For the Christian, we can look at Solomon’s list of “this and that” with comfort.  By trusting in God and His promises, we can seek Him in every circumstance, both the seemingly good and bad.  Because each of the times he lists have an element of both.  

“Rather, you are filled with grief because I have said these things. But very truly I tell you, it is for your good that I am going away. Unless I go away, the Advocate will not come to you; but if I go, I will send him to you.” John 16:6-7

The disciples were facing the truth about life.  We will die.  Jesus was the only one to ever know the exact day and hour.  In that death notice, however, Jesus gave them the preview of the blessing to come – the gift of the Holy Spirit. They still grieved mightily, but when the Holy Spirit descended upon them, they remembered His words and were healed.

Join me this Wednesday for Part Two of Enjoying the Cycle of Life & Death where we discover there are no “ordinary people.” Click here for part two.

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Power of Prayer

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"Yet he did not waver through unbelief regarding the promise of God, but was strengthened in his faith and gave glory to God, being fully persuaded that God had power to do what he had promised." Romans 4:20

My friend Andrea’s last day of breast cancer treatment is today! First, I want to shout out to God a hallelujah for bringing her successfully through to this point in her journey. For the skill He gave the doctors and for the compassion He gifted to nurses that cared for her over this last year.  Secondly, to the Holy Spirit who has done a mighty and glorious work in her. A work that has become obvious to others around her. So many of her prayers were answered during this difficult time. 

Just a couple weeks ago she received news that a fellow cancer patient would not be completing this journey in the same way. This acquaintance she connected with through Facebook, succumbed to this terrible disease. Andrea then shared with her Christian friends about her ”survivor guilt.” 

“Why were my prayers answered but not hers?” she asked.

Our verse today is in reference to the story of Abraham who was promised the gift of child at a very old age.  Because of Abraham’s faith, God credited him with righteousness, and a child. The waiting period for that child was 25 years. Almost a lifetime in most of our views. A few times in between that promise and the fulfillment of it Abraham and Sarah tried to take matters into their own hands causing a few problems. They never lost faith, they just thought they’d help God along.

We sit on the cusp of celebrating the birth of another child. A few thousand years ago, two other people were promised children.  Another old man with an old wife and a young woman who was yet to finalize her marriage. 

"But the angel said to him: “Do not be afraid, Zechariah; your prayer has been heard. Your wife Elizabeth will bear you a son, and you are to call him John. He will be a joy and delight to you, and many will rejoice because of his birth, for he will be great in the sight of the Lord. " Luke 1: 13-14
"But the angel said to her, “Do not be afraid, Mary; you have found favor with God. You will conceive and give birth to a son, and you are to call him Jesus. He will be great and will be called the Son of the Most High." Luke 1:30-32

Zechariah was afraid of the angel and a bit untrusting of this promise. He asked for proof. And proof he got — cursed into silence until after his child was born. As for Mary, she just wanted to know how it was going to happen since she was a virgin. The Holy Spirit explained the power of God and used Zechariah’s elderly wife to show her God could do all things.  Her words after? “I am the Lord’s servant. May your word to me be fulfilled.” In other words, Mary prayed that God’s promise would come to fruition.

Abraham, Zechariah and Mary all had their prayers answered. While others, I’m sure did not. Abraham’s wife, Sarai, and Zechariah’s wife, Elizabeth, weren’t the only old world women who prayed for children. There were probably others whose prayers were answered while others’ were not. Just like today. While my friend Andrea’s prayer of the cancer treatments successfully killing the cancer in her were fulfilled other prayers along the way weren’t. 

Isn’t one of the great questions posed by believers and unbelievers “why does God answer some prayers and not others?” Even when the prayers seem to be good and selfless. Saints who lived close to God, like the disciples, have been tortured and killed. Does that prove God doesn’t exist? No, for one, it shows how evil’s reign is still holding on by the tip of its nails. How so many people live sinful lives and hurt others. It shows how this world is still broken and is not our final, perfect home. Most of all, it proves that we still are unable to see all of God’s glorious plan.

As if we said, “In my ignorance I have asked for A, B, and C. But don’t give me them if you foresee that they would in reality be to me either snares or sorrows.”… If God had granted all the silly prayers I’ve made in my life, where should I be now?

 C.S. Lewis, Letters to Malcolm: Chiefly on Prayer

We may only know years and years after a prayer was answered or even unanswered as to why God acted in the way He did. As Mary and Elizabeth did when they saw their sons become the announcer of the Messiah and the Messiah Himself some 30 years later. Or we may realize in short time like a job we don’t receive and find out later the company was going bankrupt. It’s always important to remember each time we pray we acknowledge God’s sovereignty over all. We pray for His will be done. 

Friends, we shouldn’t feel guilty when we have been blessed with answered prayers. He always wants us to use that gift of time, money, talent, healing, love, etc. to reflect His glory back to the world. For blessings to multiply. And when our prayers seem to go unanswered it’s ok to bring your sadness or even confusion to the Lord. He is our wonderful counselor. Most of all, He wants your trust that He lives in the timeline of eternity. One day, all His children will be healed, loved and satisfied. We will bask in His everlasting glory.

Praise be to the God of all glory and honor and power who knows all and makes all things work for those who love Him. Amen.

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The Hope That Will Come

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www.emboldened.net

He said to her, “Daughter, your faith has healed you. Go in peace and be freed from your suffering.” Mark 5:34

How many of you need to not just hear these words but soak them deep into your heart right now?  For the last few years, we humans have been through a lot of turmoil.  I won’t say it was the most difficult time ever because I realize the world has been around a lot longer than my 58 years.  In the two world wars alone, it’s estimated 120,000,000 people died.  That doesn’t include the folks who passed from ordinary daily illness, accidents, and old age.  

This year, as so many of us tried to go back to our lives post shutdowns and lockdowns, we found ourselves back in the ordinariness of trials, tragedy, human depravity, illness, lost dreams, violence, and political infighting.  And so, we cry out to God for peace, for healing, for freedom from suffering.

I’ve been pretty quiet this year with my writing as I also deal with the world coming at me from all sides.  With the sudden loss of my beautiful “other mother” I have felt so alone at times.  I scroll back over her last text messages to me and I can hear her voice so clearly.  Since that time, we have celebrated graduations, milestone birthdays, anniversaries, and now the holidays.  In addition, my husband’s business has yet to recover from the financial destruction the last few years have wrought.  We have seen future goals dissolve into mist.  And still we find joy.  We find peace and we find hope.

I listened as my neighbor recently listed all the tragedies that have befallen his family over the past year and I heard the pain in his voice.  What I didn’t hear was how Jesus is helping them cope.  They are going it alone.  On the flip side I sit with my friend who was recently diagnosed with breast cancer.  And she is hope-filled.  She is finding joy and goodness in the face of something so scary.  She sees God working in every corner of her life, bringing the right people to her and watching her diagnosis heal broken relationships.  While her earthly doctors will work to heal her body, her faith is also healing her.  Healing her soul and heart.  Comforting and bringing peace to her mind.

I was recently asked in an Advent study to write what I hope for next year.  More importantly it asked how I would react if none of those hopes came to fruition.  It then asked this: list the things you can find hope in that you KNOW will come to pass because of Jesus Christ.  And here’s my answer.  I know that Jesus will never leave me or forsake me.  I know that Jesus has a better, more beautiful place waiting for all of those who believe.  I know that whatever I go through next year God loves me and he loves you.

So I’m starting next year closely tethered to the hope I know will come to pass.  Beginning January 1, I invite you to join me on a 31 day journey through God’s words of wisdom.  His playbook for a life lived as best we humans can.  He is not a god who keeps secret how to more smoothly navigate through the trials and tribulations of life.  No, besides the Book of Proverbs He has given us so much wisdom and insight into the Christian life.  A life that may at times look very different to the rest of the world but a life that is intended to bring about goodness, grace, mercy, and love.

Please join me for 31 Days of God’s Wisdom and invite your friends, families and neighbors.  Be sure to have them sign up at www.emboldened.net to receive their daily email.  In this way you can be a part of spreading His message around the world!

God bless you and Merry Christmas.

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Miracle Worker

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23 The city does not need the sun or the moon to shine on it, for the glory of God gives it light, and the Lamb is its lamp. Revelation 21:23

Father in Heaven, you are a God of miracles.  You bring light when I am in darkness through your healing powers and in ways I can never fully understand.  Help me to see even the tiniest miracles that you perform throughout my day so I can lift up my voice in glory to You. Amen

If you were asked if you believe in miracles, what would you say?  Your answer would probably depend upon how you define a miracle.  Some might call it a rare event.  What if instead, you changed your perspective and recognized that God works miracles in our lives every single day?

A standard definition of a miracle is  “an extraordinary event manifesting divine intervention in human affairs.”  And again, how would you define “extraordinary?”  As I’ve grown closer to God and understanding His ways, my view of the world has certainly changed.  When seen through the lens of creation being the work of God, we can find any number of impossible things made possible.

37 For nothing will be impossible with God.” Luke 1:37

I’ve been blessed with being pregnant and giving birth twice.  Each time I marvelled at what was occurring in my body.  A tiny human being built from microscopic pieces of the universe in a body that itself is the perfect factory for human creation.  The parts all fit perfectly, just about every single time for thousands of years, millions upon millions of instances.  You don’t need to know statistics to grasp how impossible that should be.

Many say “that’s just science.”  Of course it is!  Science is the study of God’s amazing work – where the impossible happens all the time.  But let’s set human biology aside.  I can state for a fact that miracles happen regularly because I have experienced them.  Oh, if you had only known me 30, 20 or even just 10 years ago. You wouldn’t have seen Christ in my life.  You would have seen a woman desperate for peace.  Longing for joy.  Fearful of not being loved or appreciated.  A couple of years ago, a friend who has known me for some time commented how she could now see the work of Jesus in me.  Truly a miracle.  I’ve seen the same work in a few friends.  Ones I thought would never change.  And the change that has occurred is one that only the hand of God could’ve accomplished.

When you think “miracle” do you only think of cancer being healed?  A death avoided?  A financial windfall?  If so, you need to rub the scales from your eyes.  Just the fact that the sun rose again today was God’s miracle of creation.   His glory is revealed in so many ways.  Some include our continuous acts of human creation.  While other times through the medicines He has placed here for us to “discover.”  His miracle work is revealed each time a sinner recognizes their sin and asks God to change her and He does.  And yes, whenever we are blessed financially when we need it most. 

Friend, God’s glorious miracles are at work right now in your life.  Like our future Eden, He doesn’t need any outside source to cause the light to shine because He makes impossible possible.

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The Healing Power of Forgiveness

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Lessons from Cherith

21 Then Peter came to Jesus and asked, “Lord, how many times shall I forgive my brother or sister who sins against me? Up to seven times?” Matthew 18:21

He’d been a drug addict and alcoholic for at least the 35 years I knew him.  In fact, this lost uncle was my husband’s main reason for why he never touched drugs in his college days.  My husband saw the path of destruction his uncle created throughout their family.  This uncle, my mother-in-law’s youngest sibling, took the road so many addicts follow.  They demand help, make others feel guilty for not rescuing them, promise to do better then start the cycle over and over again.

In my visits to my husband’s hometown, we’d have infrequent contact with his uncle.  But we would hear of his begging his own mother for money and complaining of how “lucky” and “privileged” everyone else in the family were because they weren’t always so down on their luck.  To be fair, this man bore the brunt of being the youngest child of an alcoholic philanderer.  As for my in-laws, they gave money, moral support, food, and more for much of his life.  But after a number of run-ins with the law and intolerable behavior toward my husband’s grandmother, the uncle found himself eventually with backs turned.  Enough was enough.

22 Jesus answered, “I tell you, not seven times, but seventy-seven times.” Matthew 18:22

Let’s face it, we are only human.  We get our feelings hurt.  We often seek to protect ourselves from harmful relationships.  We don’t want to be taken advantage of and have our kindness thrown back at us with vitriol.  Like many of Jesus’ expectations of us the concept of forgiveness is not so easy for us sinful humans.  We get to the end of our rope.  We have no more tears to shed.  

I remember when my loving, caring mother-in-law said to me one day a few years ago, “I’m done.  I’m tired of being blamed for his problems.  I’m tired of being taken for granted that we will always help.  I’m angry how he treats our mother.”  And really, could anyone fault her?  But the thing is, I knew deep down she didn’t mean any of it.  I knew if her brother came again with hat in hand she would help.  Because she knew that Jesus would do the same for her.

25 And when you stand praying, if you hold anything against anyone, forgive them, so that your Father in heaven may forgive you your sins.” Mark 11:28

We can be thankful we haven’t been assigned the task of God’s prophets to administer final judgements like Elijah had to (although one day two of us will be called to do just that). In the Old Testament, we see time after time the people turning their backs on God after so many warnings. And he sent his prophets to speak truth and judgement. His final truth-speaker was His Son, Jesus. But this prophet came to tell us when we seek forgiveness and to forgive we receive eternal forgiveness from God, even when we mess up over and over. You see, Jesus doesn’t just want the one who needs forgiveness healed, he wants us, the forgiver to be healed.  Because when we place our own lives under God’s microscope, we each have a heck of a lot that needs forgiving.  We each are blessed with the incredible gift of coming with our own hat in hand to the Lord and asking, “One more time, please Lord.  Forgive me.” And He does.  

I’ve been fortunate to witness the healing power of forgiveness in a few people’s lives.  My friend Andrea will forever be changed simply by forgiving a family member for past hurts and asking for forgiveness for how she has hurt others.  My own relationship with my parents has required me to forgive them.  And although the situation can still be painful, I now have the healing strength which forgiveness affords to help me pray for them each day.

31 Get rid of all bitterness, rage and anger, brawling and slander, along with every form of malice. 32 Be kind and compassionate to one another, forgiving each other, just as in Christ God forgave you. Ephesians 4:31-32

I started this message about a man so broken from addiction.  A man who most would say was without hope, without the peace from God.  But God is a miracle worker as we all know.  So, after another stint in prison about a year ago, my husband’s uncle finally said, “Enough is enough.”  He turned to God for forgiveness and healing.  When he got the news that his oldest sister was now riddled with cancer he came immediately to be by her side.

I don’t know if I’ll ever have the same opportunity to watch such a beautiful miracle unfold before my eyes.  To see God’s hands work like no other.  To experience the full promise of God’s grace and love descend upon a room.  We met in the lobby of the hospital, just the uncle and I.  His mind and eyes were clear. He looked so healthy!  His demeanor was clearly different.  I took him up to his sister’s room and we sat and chatted.  I felt like I should leave the room and give them some alone time when suddenly he took her by the hand and with tears streaming down his face he asked for forgiveness.  He asked to be forgiven for the destruction he caused, the pain, and for all the lost years that could’ve been different.

My mother-in-law thanked him immediately.  She said, “I needed to hear this.  It hurt so much when you blamed me for your troubles.”  And they wept.  For the next two weeks I witnessed this man stand guard outside her room, praying and participating in her last days.  I listened as he asked the rest of the family for forgiveness.  And saw them weep from the healing love of God.  I watched as he helped lift his sister’s lifeless body onto the gurney for her final road toward home.  He was in pain but was healed.  He was washed in sorrow but cleansed from forgiveness.  And he knew he was loved.

Who do you need to forgive right now?

Who do you need to ask for forgiveness?  

It’s time for healing.

PS: Happy Birthday to my amazing, handsome, loving, forgiving husband 🙂

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A Time for Everything

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There is a time for everything and a season for every activity under the heavens.  A time to be born and a time to die.  Ecclesiastes 3:1-2

As a kid living in southern California, I had the opportunity to go to Disneyland a number of times.  Before each visit my brother and I would plan out how to strategically use our tickets – yes, back then we had ticket books for rides.  That’s where the saying, “It’s an E ticket ride” comes from, meaning the best ones.  In the ticket book there’d be loads of A tickets for the kiddie rides and shows.  But only a few, valuable E tickets.  I imagined how much fun I was going to have spinning around the tea cups and travelling through the Haunted Mansion.  But when I got to Disneyland all I could think of was the next ride.  And the next.  When we would leave, I felt a sense of disappointment.  Like I hadn’t really been there at all.  So, I looked forward to the day we could go back and begin the process of yearning for something better around the next bend all over again.

Do not boast about tomorrow, for you do not know what a day may bring. Proverb 27:1

That has been a lifelong problem for me – always looking for tomorrow to bring me joy and peace.  It’s also brought me a lot of worry.  And although God wants us to be good stewards of our life, planning and preparing, He doesn’t want our hearts and minds to be absent from today.  Or worse, trapped in the past.  During difficult seasons we can so easily project our life to what we hope it to be or catastrophize our life to what we are worried it will be.  We often also wish we could just go back to the way things were.  Back home, back to a perceived better or safer time.  

On my rides home from the Magic Kingdom, I would wish I could go back.  Go back and relish each ride, each experience to its fullest.   And while I was doing that, I was probably missing out again on what was happening right then and there.  I can only imagine Elijah, a quiet, rugged mountain shepherd on day 50 or 100 or even 200 in Cherith Ravine letting his mind wander back home to Gilead.  Being just a man, he probably once or twice longed for his old way of life where kings and queens weren’t threatening his life.  Where he could pick berries and drink fresh goat milk each day instead of relying on ravens for food.  But God needed him right there, right at that time paying attention.

Now listen, you who say, “Today or tomorrow we will go to this or that city, spend a year there, carry on business and make money.”14 Why, you do not even know what will happen tomorrow. What is your life? You are a mist that appears for a little while and then vanishes.15 Instead, you ought to say, “If it is the Lord’s will, we will live and do this or that.” James 4:13-15

It’s a hard lesson when we are in pain, suffering through bad news, or being persecuted.  We are admonished to trust in God for tomorrow and not yearn to go backwards to home.  And yet, in the midst of my Cherith I found myself doing just that.

Both my children had returned to their own homes after saying their final goodbyes to their beloved grandmother.  My husband too had returned back to a job that needed his presence.  That next day, after a particularly hard few moments and, to be honest, watching my brother-in-law’s little family gather closely together, I needed to escape.  I felt so alone and incapable of the task of helping shepherd my mother-in-law through her final days.  I took my eyes off the Lord and placed them back on myself.  A phone call home had me crying out to my husband, “I can’t do this.  I’m not strong enough.  I want to come home right now.”

I wanted to go back to before the cancer.  I wanted to envelope myself in my comfortable routine back home.  Fear and loneliness wrapped around me like a heavy blanket.  And then I remembered Elijah.  I looked toward the majesty of the Colorado Rockies and remembered God can do all things.  And He needed me right there, right now.  Not longing for home or better times.  Not worrying about the future. Instead, paying attention to the beautiful moments and lessons He had placed before me for today.

22 So with you: Now is your time of grief, but I will see you again and you will rejoice, and no one will take away your joy. John 16:22

I still will battle looking for the next “better thing” around the corner.  But the time between that search and remembering to enjoy this day has reduced to mere moments as I pull my thoughts back to looking for Jesus right now.  There is a time for everything. To prepare and to sow, to cry and to laugh. To keep and throw away. To mourn and to dance. When we step outside God’s timing we find ourselves at odds with His plan. But when we live in His moments, His seasons, we find ourselves in harmony. That is God’s promised peace.  And that my friends, is exactly where the joy is.

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From Why? to What?

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Lessons from Cherith

He said to them, “Why are you troubled, and why do doubts rise in your minds? Luke 24:38

During the time in my own land of Cherith, a place where I was separated from my home, my regular way of life and exposed to great sadness, I so needed to rely on the vast promises of God.  Yet each day I battled the “why” of it all.  Why didn’t the cancer doctors see and recognize the increased cancer markers in my beloved mother-in-law’s blood tests?  Why did each visit to the emergency room end without answers?  But more importantly, why would this woman, a shining light for God, an inspiring gift to everyone around her, a woman, as her pastor reflected at her funeral with a beautiful aura surrounding her, be stricken with cancer and taken so soon? Why God, oh why?

How often have we lamented that why question in our lives?  Why are we suffering financially?  Why is my child rebelling?  Why is my marriage on the rocks?  Why did I suffer that abuse?  It seems as Christians we are expected to answer those questions.  I believe many of us avoid speaking the Gospel to our friends, family and neighbors out of fear of being asked those why’s of life.  In fact, as a young college student who was approached one day on my campus by two religious folks, I too asked the big why – why is there suffering?  You see I believed in God but didn’t really know anything about Him.  Unfortunately, neither did these two young proselytizers.

I recently heard the statement: “If we view the world as a Christian, it all makes sense.”  On the surface that’s a real head scratcher since this world seems so upside down especially now.  Broken families, broken lives, so much pain and death abound.  But take a step back, way back to Genesis 3.

To Adam he said, “Because you listened to your wife and ate fruit from the tree about which I commanded you, ‘You must not eat from it,’ “Cursed is the ground because of you; through painful toil you will eat food from it all the days of your life. 18 It will produce thorns and thistles for you, and you will eat the plants of the field. Genesis 3:17-18

And that’s just a taste of what man’s rebellion wrought.  Creation is currently at odds with God.  And just as cells divide and life moves without our intervention, our world around us is no longer under our full dominion.  So yes, there’s floods and fire and famine and cancer.  And it has absolutely nothing to do with whether we are a good person or not.  In addition to this result of The Fall, we became separated from God, always seemingly looking for ways to buck His system.  And we face the consequences for our actions, both individually and collectively.

Afterward Moses and Aaron went to Pharaoh and said, “This is what the Lord, the God of Israel, says: ‘Let my people go, so that they may hold a festival to me in the wilderness.’” 2 Pharaoh said, “Who is the Lord, that I should obey him and let Israel go? I do not know the Lord and I will not let Israel go.”  Exodus 5:1-2

And we know how well that went for Pharoah.  But what was Moses’ first reaction after Pharoah knuckled down and made the Israelites work harder?  “Why?”  He asked God why did He have to make things worse and why did Moses have to be the brunt of everything?  From a Christian point of view, we should say, “There’s consequences in this world when anyone chooses to not submit – whether you choose to believe in God or not.”  This is not “Karma,” it’s simply a cause and effect of acting outside God’s desires for us.  

And while we may cry out, “why?!” in the moment whether in situations of our own making or of those in which we have no power, we need to remember the “what.”  What is God doing in me or even in the world?  What is God expecting of me as a believer? What is the promise I can hold on to?  The early Israelites had a decent excuse.  They didn’t know God as well as we do now.  They didn’t have all the stories of how He has rescued and protected His people.  They didn’t have Jesus’ brother James telling them there will be trials and in them they need to seek the lessons of God.  They didn’t have Jesus come to earth and die for their sins.  They didn’t have the Book of Revelation.  But we do.

Therefore we do not lose heart. Though outwardly we are wasting away, yet inwardly we are being renewed day by day. 17 For our light and momentary troubles are achieving for us an eternal glory that far outweighs them all.18 So we fix our eyes not on what is seen, but on what is unseen, since what is seen is temporary, but what is unseen is eternal. 2 Corinthians 4:16-18

So, each day as I sat beside Bev’s bed as her body succumbed not to cancer but to an infection, I battled the “why” demon. I wanted someone punished.  I wanted someone to suffer like I was now suffering.  Then I heard a whisper, “She gets to come home to me.  And you need to see what I am teaching you.”

You see even in her suffering, on her death bed, this Christian called Bev was a conduit for Jesus.  A teacher and a comforter.  I finally realized it didn’t matter the “why.”  For one, there really were no answers that fully satisfied.  At times like that we just need to submit to God’s sovereignty and say, “I don’t know but He does.”  The only real answers that I continued to come back to were the “what.”

What did I truly believe about God?  And what was He trying to teach me?

Christian Friend, if you earnestly believe the Bible, believe that God is the Creator of the Heavens and the Earth and all it’s inhabitants, if you believe He is sovereign and He sent His Son to die for our sins, if you believe that there is a place greater than Eden awaiting us then you could understand why Bev wasn’t worried.  Why she could make us all laugh at her darkest hour.  Why, in the middle of a conversation she looked over my shoulder, waved and with a child-like voice exclaimed in joy, “Hi Jesus!”

2 My Father’s house has many rooms; if that were not so, would I have told you that I am going there to prepare a place for you? John 14:2

You see I didn’t need to know the answers to my worldly questions and I definitely didn’t need retribution.  I needed to remember that Jesus hates death because it’s a sign of our broken world.  And He is right now preparing a room more beautiful than I can imagine for even me.  When He comes back we will all be raised up to live forever in a beautiful place that has no suffering, no death, no pain, no war, no hate, no fear.  And that is just what I needed to learn.

Are you asking “why” in your difficult time when you should be asking “what?”

What is the Lord teaching or asking you right now?  

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He Will Provide

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Lessons from Cherith

The Lord upholds all who fall, and raises up all who are bowed down.  Psalm 145:14

We had come to Colorado after receiving the news – my mother-in-law’s constant bowel pain was the result of peritoneal cancer, a rare and deadly disease.  She had never fully recovered from her bout with uterine cancer diagnosed just 18 months prior.  Her markers were clear but this painful and never-ending pain in her stomach kept her sidelined.  We will never know why it wasn’t discovered sooner but there are blessings even in that.

And so, after setting her up on hospice and determining that additional in-home care wouldn’t be sufficient and was well beyond what my father-in-law could afford, I offered to stay longer.  As I said goodbye to my husband who needed to get back to San Diego for work, I was faced with my usual self-doubt.  “I’m not good at this kind of thing” I said to myself.  “I’m not a sweet, kind, compassionate person” I lamented.  “I never know what to say in difficult times” I fretted.  

I was scared to face day-to-day the woman I love as my own mother as she lay living out her last days.  I was worried about how to be around my quiet father-in-law.  I definitely was concerned how to handle all her friends who wanted to visit and needed a shoulder to cry on. And then I finally remembered God.

He has caused his wonders to be remembered;
    the Lord is gracious and compassionate.
5 He provides food for those who fear him;
    he remembers his covenant forever. Psalm 111: 4-5

I went for a walk and soaked in the beauty of the Colorado mountains and realized I didn’t need to have all those gifts.  He has blessed me with so many other gifts that were needed – organizing, communication, and more.  And what I now needed was to lean on Him for the rest of what was required.  

My BSGs had just finished Shirley Giles Davis’ study book, God. Gifts. You. Which takes a deep dive into the list of the gifts given by the Holy Spirit.  Coincidently she lives and works in Boulder, Colorado, just a few miles from where I now found myself needing the strength of God’s gifts.  She reminded us that our gifts can be used for good and have their own pitfalls if used incorrectly.  She showed us how God’s beautiful world can only function properly when we appreciate and honor the intricate ways all people’s gifts are used in harmony.  

As for me, I call to God, and the Lord saves me.  Psalms 55:16

And so, I called on God in humility.  I thanked Him for the blessings of financial security that helped me be there.  I listed in thankfulness the gifts of the Holy Spirit which have been endowed to me.  And I prayerfully spoke the following:

“Lord, I cannot do this without you.  I don’t have the right words for the right moments so I need the Holy Spirit to speak for me.  I don’t have the strength for this gracious Father.  I need you to keep me strong and lifted or I will fail.  Only through your loving grace, using my gifts that I have been blessed with and you filling in the rest will I be able to glorify you and help Bev and all those around her. Please Lord speak in place of my words and be my strength.” Amen

His intervention was immediate as He surrounded me with His love and peace.  All those worries and fears dissipated.  And for the next three weeks the Holy Spirit held me up and spoke for me.  He spoke to the friends who left Bev’s room crying in despair.  He spoke to family members who handle grief differently than me.  He spoke to Bev while I read her Psalms each day to comfort her.  And He kept me from being tired and weak.  I could wake at any hour with ease to administer medication, keep the house clean, and make meals for the ever changing number of people at the house.  He provided, just as He promises, just as He always has.

You are my strength, I sing praises to you; you, God are my fortress, my God on whom I can rely.  Psalms 59:17

My BSGs recently completed Priscilla Shirer’s study on Elijah.  In her week 6 video she mentions the definition of faith as aligning our entire life with God’s 8,000 promises found in His Word.  Our faith doesn’t need to be some mysterious feeling that is undefinable.  It’s simple, when we believe God’s promises and live like we do then that is faith.  That’s what Elijah did when he went, as directed by God, to Cherith — a lonely, dry, desolate place. God provided in ways only He can with food delivered by ravens and just enough water to get by for about two years. Elijah knew he couldn’t make it on his own. He needed God to survive. All his knowledge and gifts weren’t going to help him. God would need to fill in where he was lacking.

Friends, God promises over and over to provide for us.  The Bible is filled with endless stories of His provision.  Our own lives are testimonies to those provisions.  Sometimes we just need to remember to humbly ask for Him to provide where we are weak and not gifted.

The morning my beloved Bev went to our Father I was blessed again to have God show me how much He had answered my prayer.  I needed some alone time so I decided to take a shower.  As I stood in the bathroom waiting for the water to warm up, I suddenly felt a huge weight press on me – like an anvil was placed on each shoulder.  I cried out in surprise and then it was gone.  I knew He was showing me what He had sheltered me from for the last few weeks.  And although I am still experiencing the grief of Bev being gone from this earth, that heavy weight has never returned.  I can thank God and the Holy Spirit for being my weight bearers.  And I can thank God that He will provide in our weakest moments.

Where in your life to do you need to ask for God’s provision?  
Where do you feel insufficient and weak?  Ask Him today He will provide!