Tag: soul

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Our Wise and Sanctified Souls

krisshetter 
"But you, dear friends, by building yourselves up in your most holy faith and praying in the Holy Spirit, keep yourselves in God’s love as you wait for the mercy of our Lord Jesus Christ to bring you to eternal life." Jude 1:20-21

You began your journey on the road of the sanctified life by professing your faith in Jesus Christ as your Savior.  You may not even have realized what that meant but, you took the step.  You began reading your Bible, going to church, seeking others of faith.  Your Knowledge Basket filled little by little.  Your soul became refreshed and watered at rest stops along the road by the Word.

The inevitable pothole leaps out at you suddenly.  You may even veer off the road a bit.  Your soul takes a beating with heartache and loss.  Your sins become a glaring, flashing red light.  But you look in your Trials Basket and remember God will never leave you or forsake you.  (Deut 31:68) You recall Him telling us to ask in His will and you shall receive.  (Matt 7:7-9)

The verses you so carefully plucked and memorized tell you the Holy Spirit is your strength and He has a plan for good.  We learn such jewels from Proverbs as, “Like a dog that returns to his vomit is a fool who repeats his folly.” (Prov 26:11)

You pick up and dust off your bruised soul and get back on the path, gathering experience after experience. Confirming over and over the truth of God’s Word.  The truth that He sees you and knows every hair on your head. (Luke 12:7) You remember each time a new pothole jumps at you to pray for His hand on your life.  You affirm to “Trust in the Lord with all your heart, and do not lean on your own understanding, and He will make straight your paths.” (Prov. 3:5) 

You come to a fork in the road.  To the left you see what appears to be an open, empty road.  It’s just you and the path.  It looks so easy to take.  To the right you see broken down souls trudging outside the path.  Ones who are weary and thirsty; ones who are lost.  Ones who are being deceived.  Souls who are in need.  But you also see the Holy Spirit ahead, like a busy traffic cop beckoning you forward.  

You must ask yourself, “Do I turn left, lock my doors and enjoy the blessing of salvation by myself?” Or, do I choose to submit myself to the entirety of God’s teaching?  Will you choose to fill your Stewardship Basket? To love your neighbor, to share the Gospel with your family and friends, to give your time, talents and treasure to those in need for the glory of God? (Matt 22:39)

God’s path calls for us to submit ourselves wholly to Him – not just part.  The “easy path” so often doesn’t turn out all that easy.  It’s a mirage, set up by the devil to deceive.  James tells us a partial faith is “double mindedness.” (James 1:8) And that person shouldn’t expect anything from God.  1 Corinthians 10:31 tells us “So, whether you eat or drink, or whatever you do, do all to the glory of God.”  It means we take all God has gifted us and we turn it back into glorifying Him to others in need.

As our soul matures along this road, we choose.  Yes, we choose which fork to take.  We choose to submit every sin, every action, every word, every need and every gift for His Kingdom.  When we do, God continues filling our Submission Basket with new experiences and new revelations.  We trust in Him and He gifts us the best road trip snacks – peace and the security of our eternal future.

"You will keep in perfect peace those whose minds are steadfast, because they trust in you. Trust in the Lord forever, for the Lord himself, is the Rock eternal." Isaiah 26:3-4

My friends, humans are the only created beings to which God has blessed this amazing opportunity of sanctification.  The animal kingdom obeys God’s plan instantly upon birth.  They do what they are made to do.  Yet, those actions are limited in scope.  We have so much more opportunity to glorify God with what He has given us!

God has placed us on this road to travel and gather.  Each mile marker brings us new insight into Him, the world, and the adversary.  Wisdom is not a far off mirage.  No, the jewels of wisdom sit firmly in our baskets which have been gathered along the way.

“Your commands are always with me and make me wiser than my enemies.

I have more insight than all my teachers, for I meditate on your statutes.  

I have more understanding than the elders, for I obey your precepts.  

I have kept my feet from every evil path so that I might obey your word.  

I have not departed from your laws, for you yourself have taught me.

How sweet are your words to my taste, sweeter than honey to my mouth!

I gain understanding from your precepts; therefore I hate every wrong path.

Your word is a lamp for my feet, a light on my path.”  Psalm 119:98-106

One day I will be an “old soul.”  Right now, however, I’m working my way down the road of life.  Making mistakes and re-submitting my life to Christ each day.  Forgetting to pray and rely on God’s sovereignty then having a friend ask me, “Have you prayed about that?”

I can feel my soul growing wiser, growing more at peace.  I want my roots to run deep in His Word so I bear good fruit for others to enjoy along the path. (Matt 7:17-18) But most of all I want to be ever thankful that Jesus took it upon Himself to build this path toward the heavenlies.  

A Path Freely Given

He didn’t have to.  We need to remember that fact when others abuse what Jesus did for us.  When they complain when we re-affirm Jesus is the only Way.  God didn’t have to make a way at all.  Not only did He build it, He gave us the full recipe, He gave us a guide.  All so we can make it safely home.

As I write this my 86 year old, cancer riddled, atheist dad has come to live with us before he travels his final path.  I’ve had many friends concerned for how hard this will be.  It is hard at times. Especially at 2:00 am when bed clothes and sheets need changing. Or when I must choose to forgo activities dear to me. But I am at peace.  

I realized this the other day.  It’s a peace I’ve prayed for a lot in my life.  I never expected during a trial such as this that peace would be what God gifted me on this road.  

The other day, I took my dad for his first ever mani/pedi experience to fix his old crusty toenails.  He loved it.  When I sent my Bible study sisters a photo of him in the salon, one commented: “I love that you are loving on your dad this way!  A foot washing like Jesus would do today!” 

It struck me that I have been sanctified for a time such as this. (Esther 4:14) Blessed with the opportunity to take the fork to the right and share the love, mercy and salvation message of Jesus Christ with my father.

My friends, I pray that you too will have many opportunities to do the same.

"May God himself, the God of peace, sanctify you through and through. May your whole spirit, soul and body be kept blameless at the coming of our Lord Jesus Christ." 1 Thessalonians 5:23

Our final question: What’s the best lesson you have learned so far on your sanctification journey?

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The Well-Travelled Soul

krisshetter 
“That the God of our Lord Jesus Christ, the Father of glory, may give you the Spirit of wisdom and of revelation in the knowledge of him, having the eyes of your hearts enlightened, that you may know what is the hope to which he has called you, what are the riches of his glorious inheritance in the saints, and what is the immeasurable greatness of his power toward us who believe, according to the working of his great might.”  Ephesians 1: 17-19

Have you ever heard someone young described as having an “old soul?”  It usually describes a young person who seems to think and act much older than their actual years.  Or someone who enjoys music, art, crafting, etc. from years past.  I’ll be honest, I cringe when I hear this phrase.  Because usually the person they describe just seems naturally more introverted.  Not shy, just one who enjoys quiet.  Quiet time and quiet activities.

In reality, all Christians must travel the highway of sanctification to attain true and deep wisdom.  We gather it along the road in our baskets little by little with each trial and tribulation and heartbreak.  Each time we act in God’s will, not the way of the world, we find another fruit in that basket.  When we get to the end of our sanctification road, our dents, scratches, repairs and maybe even a little duct tape, will be our trophies of gathered wisdom. 

I bring the “old soul” view up because it flies in the face of what the sanctification road means for a Christian.  Worldly wisdom can only get us so far on this journey.  We, however, seek the wisdom gifted by Christ Jesus.  The wisdom that comes from the different steps we have discussed thus far: knowledge of our LORD, submission to the LORD, the experiences of trials, and the stewardship of all He has given us.

King Solomon wrote in Ecclesiastes 7:3-4, “Sorrow is better than laughter, for by sadness of face the heart is made glad.  The heart of the wise is in the house of mourning, but the heart of fools is in the house of mirth.“

In other words, we learn a lot more about life, ourselves, others, and God when we face sadness and hardship.  So that supposed 10 year old “old soul,” if raised in a modern society, has yet to gather much in their basket of life.  

Worldly Wisdom vs. Godly Wisdom

What’s the difference between worldly wisdom and God’s wisdom?  If you study Proverbs, you’ll see the best worldly wisdom has to offer actually comes directly from that book!  The worst is highlighted throughout the Bible with names such as greed, lust, selfishness, pride, and vengeance.  Worldly wisdom so often focuses on the “me” and not the “thee.”

The world tells us it is wise to go along with our loved ones’ sins.  “Go along to get along.”  “Don’t judge.”  God’s Word flies in the face of this when He tells us: “My dear friends, if you know people who have wandered off from God’s truth, don’t write them off. Go after them. Get them back and you will have rescued precious lives from destruction and prevented an epidemic of wandering away from God.” (James 5:19-20 the Message)

We are likewise reminded when we share the freedom message of Christ Jesus it may separate us from those same friends and family—a worldly unwise move.  In light of this, we hold on to the truth that this is yet another act of submitting; which brings us closer to God’s wise plan for our lives.

The world tells you it’s wise to have sex outside marriage.  Why?  Apparently so you know more about sex and can pick a good sex partner in marriage.  And besides they say, it’s your “right” to have a little fun.  The Bible tells us “There’s more to sex than mere skin on skin. Sex is as much spiritual mystery as physical fact. As written in Scripture, “The two become one.” Since we want to become spiritually one with the Master, we must not pursue the kind of sex that avoids commitment and intimacy, leaving us lonelier than ever—the kind of sex that can never “become one.” (1 Cor 16:19-20 the Message)  The promoters of sexually immoral behavior call abstinence before marriage unwise.  Yet God’s wisdom tells us to value this gift as precious.

My friends, besides standing with Jesus at the end of my life, my end-goal on this journey is wisdom.  When to keep my mouth shut and when to speak.  When to help others and when to be wary of fools.  Recognizing good character and keeping far afield of pigs who want to steal my pearls.  Remaining calm when the world says to panic.  A knowing that forgiving those the world says I should hate actually heals my own soul.

This week’s question: What’s something you have become wiser about in your journey of life?

Next week we’ll take one last look at our sanctification journey as we wisely travel the road home.

For more study on wisdom check out these series: “31 Days of God’s Wisdom” and “Enjoy Life: From Meaningless to Meaningful (a study of Ecclesiastes)

30daysofpraise, Bible, bible study, Christian, Christian Church, christian encouragement, christian men, christian parenting, Christian women, Faith, Jesus, Jesus Follower, prayer, religion, Transformation Prayer, Uncategorized, wisdom

Not Our Own

krisshetter 
"Don’t you know that your body is a temple of the Holy Spirit who is in you, whom you have from God? You are not your own, for you were bought at a price. So glorify God with your body." 1 Corinthians 6:19-20

If you live in the United States you know all about the importance of Fall and Winter Sundays. Sure we go to church and worship and praise the Lord. But today so many Americans also attend a second service. It’s held in giant stadiums or enjoyed from the comfort of our homes or restaurants. Yes, my friends, fall Sundays are, for so many, a chance to scream and yell and whoop it up over American football. Their favorite teams and players take to the gridiron in a clashing of bodies for the ultimate victory — helping a small, brown, weirdly shaped ball find its way to what is called the end zone. It’s a physical game played by tough men. It’s a game where season ending injuries are a regular occurrence and minor mistakes can lead to embarrassing failures.

The fans, like so many sports fans, can be adoring when you are very good. And they can be terrifyingly brutal when you aren’t playing your best. If you are not tethered to something else more important than the game you can be in danger of losing your very self.

“When you have a ‘why,’ you can endure everything and I think when your faith is strong, when you understand what’s going on in your life… you just turn to God and surrender. For me, that was the biggest weight off my back was that word — surrender. You’re not in control as much as you think you are and that’s a gift.”

Christian McCaffrey, running back for the San Francisco 49ers football team

McCaffrey is just one of many professional athletes who, when they stand in front of a microphone with hoards of media types staring at them, they give all honor and glory to God. Not just for their physical success but for their failures. While most of us will never be professional athletes we all can find ways we place our body’s successes and failures too high in importance in our lives. “I’m too fat, I’m too weak, I’m not tall enough” are some of the ways we beat ourselves to death. Then there’s the need to make ourselves sexy or brawny or literally into someone else via plastic surgery.

“For good or for evil, the body lies right at the center of the spiritual life….It is a fact that the body usually hinders people in doing what they know to be good and right.”

Dallas Willard in his bestselling Christian book, Renovation of the Heart.

The use of our bodies becomes not just a physical thing but as it matures it increasingly takes on the quality of our inner life. Paul, himself in Romans 7 says he finds himself doing things he “hates.” 

"So now I am no longer the one doing it, but it is sin living in me. For I know that nothing good lives in me, that is, in my flesh. For the desire to do what is good is with me, but there is no ability to do it. For I do not do the good that I want to do, but I practice the evil that I do not want to do." Romans 7:17-19

You see he makes a point to say, “in my flesh.” That’s his body, our bodies. We use our bodies to achieve sensual pleasures beyond God’s desire for us. We use our tongues to destroy others. We even use our facial features and our posture to make it clear how we really feel about a situation. Some of us physically lash out in anger. While others find ways to manipulate with tears or a quivering lip. An increasing number of young people believe if their body doesn’t make them feel complete then something must be wrong with it — causing them to undergo painful, life altering surgeries.

"Therefore, brothers and sisters, in view of the mercies of God, I urge you to present your bodies as a living sacrifice, holy and pleasing to God; this is your true worship. Do not be conformed to this age, but be transformed by the renewing of your mind, so that you may discern what is the good, pleasing, and perfect will of God." Romans 12:1-2

My friends, while we have been led to believe that “my body, myself” is the truth by society it couldn’t be farther from it. It’s why there’s such a great divide in the abortion issue. One side says, “It’s my body to do with it how I please. Having sex outside marriage is pleasing to me. Suffering the consequences, is not.” Whereas, Christians must see our bodies as that living sacrifice — giving all honor and glory to God. As Willard reminds us, none of us have created our own bodies. None of us could care for our bodies for many years. And no matter how much we want to believe it, our bodies are not self-sufficient still.

We are stewards of our bodies. But that doesn’t mean we alone have the right to say what is to be done with them. We don’t own our bodies, God does. Every single body, believer or not. He decided the day and time our entrance to the world. And He alone will decide our exit from this earth. He created our bodies for His plan, not ours.

So, whether we are professional athletes playing a sport, or we wake up each morning for work, or play, in times of illness or strength, we must seek to glorify Him by surrendering our bodies to Him wholly in worship. When we succeed in our physical tasks, say out loud that it is all for His glory. When we seemingly fail, say out loud that you trust in Him, trust His plan. And remember, you are living this life for an audience of One.

Here’s a few tips from Dallas Willard on the spiritual formation of our bodies:

  1. You must actually release your body to God. It won’t happen by accident. Be intentional remembering it is scriptural teaching.
  2. Take a day in silent and solitary retreat. Quiet your mind and soul.
  3. Ask God to take charge of your body. Pray on each actual part of your body.
  4. No longer idolize your body. You care for it only as it serves God’s purposes in your life and the lives of others.
  5. Do not misuse your body. Bodily pleasure is one thing but when it is exalted to a necessity and we become dependent upon it, then we are slaves.
  6. The body is to be properly honored and cared for. Honor a sabbath by practicing solitude and silence. Get plenty of sleep.

May all honor and glory be to God alone. Amen

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Repair My Soul, Oh Lord

krisshetter 
The Lord is my shepherd, I lack nothing.  He makes me lie down in green pastures, he leads me beside quiet waters, he refreshes my soul.  Psalm 23:1-3

A couple of ladies in one of my Bible study groups have had workmen at their houses this year.  If you’ve ever had people working on your house you probably have already conjured up the trials and delays you experienced.  It seems inevitable.  So often promises are made and quickly broken from timeframes to costs.  One of these ladies missed Bible study to be at home for a painter, who had not completed the work the day prior.  The next day the painter arrived only to tell her he was going to another job instead and just needed to pick up his ladder.  After multiple delays the painter fired my friend.  Yes, you read that correctly.  After asking him to give her a better idea of the actual timeframe the painter called her up and said he couldn’t work with her!

Thank goodness when we need work done on our hearts and minds God is a much more trustworthy repairman!  Today I praise God for refreshing us, for fixing our missteps, for repairing our souls.

I was recently talking with a friend about forgiveness.  And what came out of that was the need not only to forgive but to ask God to help repair our hearts and minds of all the negative associated emotions.  Forgiveness is not an easy task when we’ve been hurt, abused, taken advantage of, or even when things or people are taken from us.  And so, we give it to God to help us forgive.  I wonder however, how often when we forgive others do we have a residual bitterness or pain or guilt left in us?  I find this is often the case for me when it comes to having to forgive myself.  When something triggers a bad memory I cringe a bit and that demon called “guilt” or “shame” wants to raise it’s ugly head. 

God doesn’t want us to just forgive but to live a life of forgiveness – a life free from that guilt and shame and bitterness.  All of it. Not one single tiny pocket of it left in our hearts.

Psalm 51 has so many great prayers to God for restoration and healing.  Here’s a couple:

Verse 2:  Wash away all my iniquity and cleanse me from my sin.

Verse 7: Cleanse me with hyssop, and I will be clean; wash me, and I will be whiter than snow.

Verse 12 — Restore to me the joy of your salvation and grant me a willing spirit, to sustain me.

God has a 1-800-Repairman hotline.  He not only answers 24/7 He jumps into action when needed.  It’s time to ask God to completely remove those the negative emotions from our past.  To be completely renewed.  To be completely healed.

A Christian is not a man who never goes wrong, but a man who is enabled to repent and pick himself up and begin again after each stumble – because the Christ-life is inside him, repairing him all the time.

C.S. Lewis Mere Christianity

Isn’t God so loving, so unique in this trait?  He lives as our own mini-repairman right in our souls.  We don’t need to wait for the next appointment (in 3 weeks) or be disappointed when he doesn’t show up.  All we need to do is ask God to fix us.  And even if we aren’t sure exactly what the problem is, if we ask him to make a diagnosis He will – free of charge.  

I know that I will mess up and break some things in my life.  I also know that when I gave my life over to Christ I got a lifetime warranty.  All repairs covered upon asking.

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Wonderfully Made

krisshetter 
For we are God’s masterpiece. 
He has created us anew in 
Christ Jesus, so we can do 
the good things he planned 
for us long ago. 
Ephesians 2:10

A prayer to love myself

Heavenly Father, so many of my perceived short falls come from my poor sense of self-worth.  I look in the mirror sometimes and to be honest I don’t always see what you see – a beautifully, wonderfully made daughter of God.  And I confess that my lack of love for your creation can spill over to my inability to openly love others without judgment.  But I don’t want to grieve the Holy Spirit any longer.  My heart, body, mind and soul were created by and belong to you, LORD.  With the reminders found in your Holy Word to love my neighbor as myself I will look into that mirror with newfound love and admiration for your creation.  Thank you for my life, thank you for making me uniquely me.  I lift this up in Jesus’ name, Amen

I sat and listened to her tell me how she feels unworthy, unlovable, lacking talent and more.  It made me so sad because she was none of these.  What made me even sadder was I realized I’ve frequently thought the same about myself.  I look in the mirror and think, “You look old, unattractive, chubby, wrinkly – very non cover of Vogue-like.”  And then I turn to my closet and evaluate which clothes will fit me that day.  Tearing myself down for gaining those few extra pounds.  And the piece d’ resistance?  Wondering if what I’m going to accomplish that day will be of any value.

I was listening to a pastor the other day who was in the middle of a series on committing our whole bodies – heart, mind and soul – to God.  She went on to talk about how when we struggle with self-worth it affects everything about our lives.  If we get into a mild argument with our spouse, we might believe they obviously think we are stupid or worthless simply because they disagree with our opinion.  We grasp for people outside ourselves to build us up but when they do, we don’t always trust their motives.

For you created my inmost being; 
you knit me together in my 
mother’s womb. I praise you 
because I am fearfully and 
wonderfully made;your works are 
wonderful,I know that full well. 
Psalm 139:13-14

How many of us can truly say, “I know that full well?”  We easily quote scripture proclaiming that God loves us.  But do we really believe it?  

Some of us were fortunate to grow up in loving homes which shot us out into the world with a great sense of belonging and love.  That sense gets attacked regularly by the world.  And those of those who didn’t start out that way also experience those attacks of the world. It’s no wonder, starting from a lack of a filled bucket, that so many of us plunge into self-destruction and self-loathing.

When, during a particularly difficult time of false self-evaluation, I looked in the mirror and realized how dishonoring I was being to God.  And that if I could just start with the acknowledgement that God made me and knows me then maybe, just maybe I could grow to love me just as He does. 

We must rest in the glory and amazing work of God in order to fully be His warriors.  That starts with us.  No matter your thick or thin hair, your smooth skin or wrinkles, your short or tall stature, your past, the job you have (or don’t), your ability to arrange flowers or pick the perfect wall color, your knowledge about science or the humanities, God loves you.  He loves me.  I am wonderfully and beautifully made.  I just need to keep telling that to the girl in the mirror.

If you want this too, add the prayer to your daily prayer list and watch and see how God works in your life!

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Imma Soul Saver

krisshetter 
To the weak I became weak, 
to win the weak. I have become 
all things to all people so that 
by all possible means I might 
save some. I do all this for the 
sake of the gospel, that I may 
share in its blessings. 
1 Corinthians 9:22-23 

A prayer that I would share the Gospel with others

Merciful God, your Word has healing power for the sick and your Word gives hope to the downtrodden.  Your promise of eternity is a promise for all who believe.  But I allow my worries and my fears about worldly judgement guide my discipleship.  I keep your holy and powerful gifts to myself, not sharing them with those who need them.  LORD, our one true purpose here on earth is to serve you and by doing so we are asked, even required, to speak of you to all who will hear.  Help me to succumb to your strength and guidance rather than that of the world.  I know you will put the right words in my mouth at the right time.  I just need to be willing to speak them.  Each day place someone who needs to hear from you in front of me.  With the strength of the Holy Spirit urging me on I will be faithful in spreading your gospel of Good News.  In Jesus name, Amen

A few years ago, my husband and I led a Bible study of about ten Christians.  Inevitably the topic of sharing the gospel arose.  All but two people felt uncomfortable with this subject.  Those two people had their own techniques or gifts when discussing their faith with others.  One was able to employ a lot of clean humor while the other was comforting and sincere.  The other members of the group, just like other Christians I’ve encountered, didn’t see sharing the gospel as a requirement of being a Jesus follower.  And yet, isn’t that what the entirety of the New Testament is really about?

Then the disciples went out and 
preached everywhere, and the Lord 
worked with them and confirmed his 
word by the signs that accompanied it.
Mark 16:20 

One of the group, whose husband loved sharing the gospel, went so far as saying that sharing the gospel was too pushy.  Like being a used car salesman.  It wasn’t her “right” or “place” to share the message of God’s love and salvation.  And while you may scoff at her, she’s not alone.  

I had us do an unusual activity that night to try and get people more comfortable about what sharing the gospel really looks like.  Hint: it’s not standing on a street corner screaming “the end is near!”  I paired everyone up and gave them a scenario to act out with each other – a role play.  For example, one pair were to be a couple of longtime friends.  Friend A, the non-Christian, was to share a problem that she kept having over and over and over.  Nothing she did seemed to work to fix it.  And the other, Christian friend B was to share the way her faith had helped in a similar situation.   Sounds simple enough.  But boy did that make people uncomfortable.

If we cannot figure out how to infuse our everyday conversations with our faith, why do you think God will give us the responsibility of helping Him save a soul?   

As we found out in 2020 being a Christian cannot be limited to a Sunday church service.  Because that church might be taken away from you at any time.  Our friends need to know we turn to prayer when we are in distress.  They need to hear us talk about God’s promises.  They should see us acting in Christ-like ways.  And when we fail to obey God, they must hear us ask for forgiveness.  That, my friends, is sharing the gospel.  At home, with our neighbors, at work, while we volunteer, at school and wherever we live our lives. 

Our personal testimony of God’s grace, love, and forgiveness of sins is the gospel.  It’s not a bunch of fancy words.  And if the fear of being asked a tough question about God holds you back, just remember we can say the magic words: “I don’t know.  I just have faith.”

I for one, am asking God to place people in my life that He can trust that I will speak the words He wants me to speak.  We should wake up every day asking Him to give us the opportunity to speak in His name.  

If you want this too, add the prayer to your daily prayer list and watch and see how God works in your life!

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A Promise of Triumph

krisshetter 
The Lord will march out like 
a champion,like a warrior he 
will stir up his zeal;with a shout 
he will raise the battle cry 
and will triumph over his enemies.
Isaiah 42:13

Like you, I’ve dealt with a lot of difficult people throughout my life.  Whether it was at work, my children’s school, youth sports, or even my church, I encountered people who just wanted to be adversarial.  And I am certain I was someone’s “difficult person” at one time or another.  But I think the most painful experiences surrounding adversaries are when they are part of our family.

I was talking with a good friend of mine the other day about our two families.  We both struggle with difficult parent situations.  One day she and her sister had a heart to heart about a disagreement from a few weeks prior.  With my Christian friend’s kind and gentle approach she spurred the revelation that they had become their parents.  Each sister taking on the personality and fighting style of one of their parents.  That revelation started a healing process in both of them.  Truly a small victory.

In my own life I have transitioned through the stages of grief when it comes to my relationship with my parents.  I denied there was a real problem in my family.  When I finally recognized the problems, I became angry and fought constantly with my mother – trying to change her.  I even had my own way of bargaining to try and create a Hallmark-style mother-daughter relationship.  I would do things for her to help her see what a good person I really was.  But my expectations and hopes were always dashed.  I became depressed for awhile when I realized we would never be a family that loved being together. I just wanted to untie myself from my parents and let them go adrift.  All of this was before I finally surrendered.  I raised my white flag.  But not to any human.  To God.

But thanks be to God, who in 
Christ always leads us in 
triumphal procession, and 
through us spreads the fragrance 
of the knowledge of him everywhere.
2 Corinthians 2:14

Paul wrote this to the church of Corinth during a very difficult time for him and his relationship with this church.  They were angry with him for changing his plans about visiting.  Some had started false preaching about him behind his back.  And, as Warren Wiersbe states, “When Christians misunderstand each other the wounds can be very deep.”  Isn’t that true of our families as well?

During the last few years, I have experienced that Christ-given “fragrance of knowledge of Him.”  And as I have done so, I finally had to experience that last stage of grief – acceptance.  For us Christians that acceptance comes, more importantly, with forgiveness.  I stopped trying to change the situation by myself.  And I started to rely on God to handle the situation with my parents.  I hold on to the truth of who loves me for all eternity. And I’m learning how to stay tied to my parents without feelings of hurt and anger. As I spoke of this with my friend she announced very boldly, “And now you have VICTORY!”  

..so you should rather turn 
to forgive and comfort him, 
or he may be overwhelmed by 
excessive sorrow. 8 So I beg 
you to reaffirm your love for him. 
9 For this is why I wrote, 
that I might test you and know 
whether you are obedient in 
everything. 10 Anyone whom you 
forgive, I also forgive. Indeed, 
what I have forgiven, if I have 
forgiven anything, has been for 
your sake in the presence of Christ, 
11 so that we would not be 
outwitted by Satan; for we are 
not ignorant of his designs.
2 Corinthians 2:7-11

I forgave my parents for not being able to provide me with what I was looking for in a relationship.  I realized they had never been the recipients of overwhelming love.  I stopped being angry and instead became thankful for the life which God has blessed me – a loving family of my own.  Had I given up at any of the other 4 steps of grief surely Satan would have won.  But like Paul, I am no longer ignorant of the devil’s designs.  

Thanks be to God for the triumph He has promised us. We can hold fast knowing that, not only will He have victory over those who would do us harm, but also over our own souls which get injured and hurt by the world.  We can have victory because the Spirit of God rests in us.