Tag: self-control

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Enjoying the “Enough” Life Part Two

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Did you miss part one of Enjoying the Enough Life? Click here!

Enjoyment without God is merely entertainment.  

Warren Wiersbe

No one on this great blue planet is without sin.  Without sinful desires and thoughts.  Without sinful emotions.  So, if we seek contentment, or unconditional wholeness solely from within what do we find?  Our sinful selves just like I did when I embarked on my happiness journey a few years ago.  And we turn back to the unfulfilling emotion of fleeting happiness.

What guides a person to being truly joy-filled or content in every situation? How do we achieve that “unconditional wholeness” researcher Daniel Cordaro mentioned after visiting that Himalayan tribe?  It requires something outside us to guide us through the ups and downs, the trials and tribulations of life.  It’s easy to enjoy a new car.  But what about when it breaks down?  It takes no effort to enjoy the birthday party at the park you so expertly planned but what happens when it rains?  Does your happiness bucket completely empty and you turn into Attila the Hun, raging at others?  Or you weep and sulk feeling the cosmos hates you?

"Not that I am speaking of being in need, for I have learned in whatever situation I am to be content. 12I know how to be brought low, and I know how to abound. In any and every circumstance, I have learned the secret of facing plenty and hunger, abundance and need. 13I can do all things through him who strengthens me."  Philippians 4: 11-13

That strength to endure a peasant life that Tolstoy witnessed, a life of labor and toil, a life of disappointments and tragedy, and yes, even a life full of wealth comes only from God.  (Ecc 5:19 & 6:2) Through the Holy Spirit who comes to dwell in us when we say, “Yes!” to Jesus as our Lord and Savior.  It’s the fountain from which we draw on every single moment of every day to guide us and strengthen us.  Because my friends, you cannot find wholeness without Him.

Deep-seated in the American mind, for example, is the disastrous idea that we should pursue happiness. But what is happiness? And what are the realities through which one could achieve it? And how, practically speaking, does one pursue happiness? One might pursue happiness on the carpe diem principle. But that can be understood in many ways. It could endorse a sensuality of the present moment or endorse devoting the present moment to improvement of one’s character, to serving others, or to serving God. Usually in our times, however, it is some form of sensuality. Our choice between these options will have profound implications for our efforts to become a genuinely good person and to live harmoniously with reality, with how things really are.

Dallas Willard

My Bible study ladies are currently studying Jesus’ Sermon on the Mount by Jen Wilkins.  In the first week we read and discovered the messages behind the first 12 verses, also known as the Beatitudes.  Jesus’ goal in this sermon was to re-define for the disciples what not only the Kingdom of Heaven looks like but what its citizens look like.  The first four beatitudes describe the character of its citizens:

  1. We Are Poor in Spirit: accepting we are weak and sinful in need of a strength outside ourselves
  2. We Are Mourners: we recognize our sinfulness and weep over it daily.  Asking God for forgiveness for each time we act, speak or think (even feel) in opposition to God’s will for us.
  3. We Are Meek: in modeling Jesus’ submission to the Father in going to the cross for humanity’s sins and therefore suffering a terrible death, we too seek humility and submission to God. 
  4. We Are Hungry and Thirsty: not for earthly glory, praise and wealth but for our hearts and minds to be daily cleansed.  We constantly seek His will for our life so that we can glorify Him.  We cast off our old selves and thirst for the new bodies and New Eden to come.

These citizens of the Kingdom of Heaven?  They will be abundant with fruit and content in all situations.  The fruits of love, joy, peace, goodness, kindness, patience, self-control and faithfulness can be seen by all around them.  They spread that fruit and His Word throughout our families, communities and the world.  We achieve the ultimate peace in the face of persecution.  Peace with God.  Our friction between us is gone.  We are made whole because He breathes the Holy Spirit into us, making us one with Him.

"And I am no longer in the world, but they are in the world, and I am coming to you. Holy Father, keep them in your name, which you have given me, that they may be one, even as we are one… 22 The glory that you have given me I have given to them, that they may be one even as we are one, 23I in them and you in me, that they may become perfectly one, so that the world may know that you sent me and loved them even as you loved me." John 17: 11 & 22-23

One with the Creator of all things seen and unseen – Elohim, Jehovah.  What more could a tiny, sinful human want for all eternity?  All other pales in comparison!  No self-help book without God can help you achieve such gloriously contented status. King Solomon discovered that our sinful toil without God is usually for our own gain and our appetite is never satisfied on our own (Ecc 6:7).

"The fool says in his heart, “There is no God.”
    They are corrupt, they do abominable deeds;
    there is none who does good." Psalm 14:1-2

I once saw an interaction with a non-believer and a street preacher.  The young, unbelieving woman stated, “How can you say I won’t go to heaven (which as a non-believer why would she care?) when I’m a good person.  I’m better than most Christians.  I don’t lie, cheat or steal.”  Yet, as Jesus reminds us further in the Sermon on the Mount if you even let your heart yearn to do any of those things you are guilty.  And I would bet all that I have she has, in fact, actually lied.  She has probably stolen something – maybe someone’s dignity by gossiping about them.  And cheating?  She might have thought that little deed or breaking some municipal law wasn’t that “big of a deal” but it’s still cheating.  She is at odds with God, broken and not whole.

It is only through the gift of reconciliation for our sins, no matter their size, of which Jesus Christ paid for, that we can come upright before the God of the Universe.  Where we receive mercy and forgiveness so we don’t have to live in shame and hurt, grasping for pleasures to dull our pain.  No, instead He brushes us off and clothes us in white garments.  He brings us into His family and calls us His sons and daughters.  He pours out His love and gives a piece of Him to live in us so we can have that “unconditional wholeness.” He gifts us with “enough” each day so that we may be satisfied.

"Count it all joy, my brothers, when you meet trials of various kinds, 3 for you know that the testing of your faith produces steadfastness.4 And let steadfastness have its full effect, that you may be perfect and complete, lacking in nothing."  James 1:2-4

We are made perfect and complete, meaning made whole, when we face life’s trials and rely on the God who gives us strength and hope.  We are honed and shaped into the image of the only being that walked this earth who was sinless and fully content — Jesus.

Friend, if you want to get off the roller coaster of seeking “happiness” and then being brought low by trials, look to our All Mighty God and His Son.  He is our provider, our protector, our armor, our joy, our hope.  He has never broken a promise and He never will.  He promises you a new life at the end of the rainbow – not a pot of gold.  And with that promise and hope we can live a contented, meaningful life of “enough” in a world of chaos.

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A Guiding Word

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Let your eyes look directly forward,
    and your gaze be straight before you.
Ponder the path of your feet;
    then all your ways will be sure. Proverbs 4:25-26

Hello Friends and Happy New Year! This weekend my husband and I sat down and did a review of 2023. Boy did we have a lot of fun! In the midst of vacations, concerts, family visits, the birth of a new grand baby I know there were also difficulties. My husband’s business is still recovering from the COVID lockdowns, as is the restaurant we invested in back in 2018. My sinus issues and pain reared its ugly head over and over. But I made a point last year to seek the Lord in every circumstance. 

When things were good I prayed for the blessings bestowed. When times were hard I prayed to see Him at work pruning me and sharpening me. My bad days were more like bad hours or minutes. All because I made the conscious choice to trust in the Lord and release the work of the Holy Spirit in me. I cried during those hard times and the Lord comforted me. I celebrated during the good times and the Lord danced with me.

This morning as I headed out for a walk, I pondered over the varied goal lists my husband and I created yesterday. I realized I needed an umbrella plan to guide me again this year. A word to focus on as each day comes at us with force. Some of you may already partake in this annual “word selection.”  Two Christmases ago while attending a women’s brunch at my church the topic came up and our tables discussed which words they had chosen that year and how successful they were at focusing on them. Being a results oriented person myself I was surprised I had never taken this on as a challenge. While this last year didn’t include a single word, I did make it a point to seek Him everywhere.

This year, I have decided to pick a word to guide me. I’d like to issue you the same challenge. Think about it, ponder, pray, ruminate, chew on it and then write it down.  Put it on your bathroom mirror, in your car, on your Bible, on your refrigerator, or even on your wrist. It should be a word that can focus you on God’s Word in every situation.  Once you’ve found your word, find a corresponding scripture to anchor it. 

I found this great, short article by Steve Kyle, in the Mount Paran Christian School newsletter encouraging students, staff and parents on why you should select a biblical word of the year:

  1. Focus – Once you have prayed about and discerned your word for the year, you’ll begin to notice that you hear it everywhere. Not only that, but your word will flow through your thoughts at seemingly random moments, when God knows we need the reminder. These moments may occur when we see a book title and read it because it relates to our word. Other times a sermon or even a social media post will catch our attention with a correlation. In every case, we are drawn toward the Lord with a fresh perspective. 
  2. Motivation – Our word will pop up at the most uncomfortable times. It’s easy for us to lose sight of long-term goals, becoming bogged down in the daily stuff. But, small emergencies rob us of our greater purpose, the “tyranny of the urgent.” When we feel overwhelmed, it’s easy to shut down. Big or long-haul goals seem impossible to attain. But, our word of the year grabs our attention again.God never gives up on us. Neither does He fail to remind us when we’ve made a commitment. Whatever your circumstances, a single word as a theme can and will motivate you. You’ll gain a longer-range spiritual goal and a desire to implement concrete actions to solidify it.
  3. Accountability – The natural progression from focus through motivation leads straight to accountability. Our chosen word hangs like a store sign over our life. Part of the attraction of prayerfully choosing a word for the year is sharing it with friends. As soon as it’s uttered, the deal is sealed. We should not change our word or make excuses. Even if we never share our word with another living soul, God knows, and who can hold us more accountable than God?

Each day before rising ask the Holy Spirit to guide you with your word. At lunch time do a mini check-in with your word. During your evening prayers, review how you did with your word and ask the Lord to bolster you again tomorrow.

I’ll reveal my word in the coming days. I’m still pondering. It may become a blog series! Once you have your word drop me a note so I can pray for you because sharing your word will only help lead you to success this year!

Your friend in Christ, Kris

There are so many words to choose from but if you’ve never done this before, here’s a short list to jumpstart you!

  • peace
  • kindness
  • service
  • love
  • patience
  • self-control
  • gentleness
  • joy
  • courage
  • silence
  • yes
  • surrender
  • strength
  • humility
  • decisive
  • balance
  • build
  • faithfulness
  • stillness
  • rest
  • trust
  • seek
  • grateful
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The Wobbly Rock

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It always seems to start with just one bite, one taste, one look, one try.  We soon find ourselves groaning in disbelief that we ate it all again.  Did the one thing we were working so hard to avoid, again.  Disappointed someone again.  Backslid, again.  The world wants to blame Adam for this problem but it was Eve who started us down this ugly path of weakness, self-gratification and indulgence.

To be fair, it was who she decided to put her trust in that caused the Great Fall.  Two parties working in concert– Satan and Eve’s pridefulness– to disobey God’s command that fateful day led us to where we are today.  Adam, that poor soul, had a two-against-one situation convincing him all was well.  Of course, it was really two-on-two if Adam had simply spoke God’s name and asked for help.  God’s omnipotence would have been the finger pressed heavily on the scale for Adam and Eve to turn from the fruit in question.

But because they both placed their trust in what pastor John Ortberg calls, “a wobbly rock,” we find ourselves repeating a version of the world’s first story each day.  Pastor Ortberg, describes this wobbly rock like the one he decided to put his trust in one day while crossing a stream.  It looked secure and rooted in the soil.  As he leapt on it the rock gave way and into the water he went. Resulting in numerous injuries.  And the question today is, “what wobbly rock are you placing your trust in?”

“But mark this: There will be terrible times in the last days. People will be lovers of themselves, lovers of money, boastful, proud, abusive, disobedient to their parents, ungrateful, unholy, without love, unforgiving, slanderous, without self-control, brutal, not lovers of the good, treacherous, rash, conceited, lovers of pleasure rather than lovers of God— having a form of godliness but denying its power. Have nothing to do with such people.  2 Timothy 3:1-5

I suppose we should ask, are we such people Paul is warning against?  In C.S. Lewis’ essay on the three kinds of men he describes the first type of man as one who lives totally for themselves without any acknowledgement of a higher being who will pass judgment on them or have any expectations of them.  For this person, the idea of self-control is based on the whim of the day.  “I should” or “I shouldn’t” enter their vocabulary based on family, social group or society’s expectations.  This person places their trust in a shifting set of rules based on new emotions, facts, and desires.  Today’s “well done” is tomorrow’s regret not because of eternal judgment but because the rules have changed.

The second person is one which Mr. Lewis says most of society reflects.  They know they should live a certain way and sincerely try to do so but only after they have first ensured their own security and happiness.  They believe in that higher power.  Maybe even call him God or Jesus.  These are Adams and Eves.  They’ve experienced God in some way.  But are divided in where they put their full trust.   They give to their church or charities but only as leftovers.  They stand up for the higher power as long as it doesn’t cost them much.  They are drawn to wanting to fit in with the latest views on sexuality and morality while at the same time knowing the Truth of God’s Word. They call their faith “personal” and wouldn’t dream of sharing it.  They “do the right thing” because they think they have to or else God might be angry.  Or to gain favor with God.  Their self-control still stems from their own will, but gets a nice dose of god-guilt on top when they fail to meet what they think God wants from them.   A wobbly rock to be sure.

Many times, however we take it on ourselves to define what’s good for us, and we can be tempted to doubt God for disagreeing with us.”  

Charles Stanley

Doesn’t that sound exactly like Adam and Eve?  Their self-control lasted only as long as something sounded a bit better or reasonable.  Satan didn’t erase God from their minds.  No, he took God’s words and twisted them in such a way that fed their gift of self-will.  I can only imagine the guilt and shame they must have felt as they packed up their fig leaves, a few bags of grain and fruit, and passed from the Garden gates.  From that day forth they probably tried really hard to do the right thing yet knew they were weak and could easily backslide into self-gratification. It sounds like them, but does it also sound like you?

Before we look at the third man in Mr. Lewis’ essay, I have a task for you.  Pastor Ortberg recommends taking this personal inventory to find out, with honesty, where we sit with God.  Are we relying on a wobbly rock which either leads us to temporary self-control or a self-control done with a “I have to” attitude?  This isn’t a confession to God, just inventory-taking.  No guilt, no correction, just a self-examination.  Be fearless and searching, remembering God loves you.

  1. Pride: Is ego ever on the throne in my life? Self-promotion, selfishness, sense of entitlement?  Lack of being a servant?
  2. Anger: Where is there resentment in me?  Where are the obsessive thoughts that want to strike out all the time?  Have I gotten physically violent or just withdrawn   
  3. Sexuality: Are there decisions I have made around my sexual behavior where I feel regret or guilt?  Have I been unfaithful?  Are there patterns of addiction, sexual pornography?  Have I crossed lines in relationships?  Have I been the victim of sexual assault or molestation?
  4. Envy: Do I ever compare myself to other people – appearance, career, family, bank account?  
  5. Gluttony: Do I use food as a way to escape or isn’t good for my body?  Or are there other appetites that would lead my body down the wrong path?
  6. Sloth: Not just a lack of activity but is there a failure to do what needs to be done?  Do I ever procrastinate with things that have high value?
  7. Greed: Do I ever hoard?  Am I gripped by a false sense of financial insecurity?  Do I not manage finances well?  Do I give the way God would want me to?

Remember, after you have completed this searching about where you lack in self-control or have placed your trust, if you are a follower of Jesus, God will lead you out of any guilt or shame.  Turn to Him, for He is the God who restores.

Coming Up: To Be The 3rd Man

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Fruit of the Spirit: Self-Control

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“As soon as Jesus was baptized, he went up out of the water. At that moment heaven was opened, and he saw the Spirit of God descending like a dove and alighting on him. And a voice from heaven said, “This is my Son, whom I love; with him I am well pleased.”  Matthew 3:16-17

It’s what happened after Jesus’ baptism by John that was an act for us all to reflect upon this week when we say to God or ourselves, “I can’t” or “I won’t.”  He left His seemingly ok, everyday life behind and entered the wilderness.  He went as a fully human man and fully God.  Don’t miss that first point.  For 40 days Jesus the man fasted.  And when He became hungry – which a human suffers from, not a god – that’s when the devil stepped forward.  I’m amazed He wasn’t tempted by the third or fourth day!  Imagine the self-control, the obedience to the directive of His Father! 

“The tempter came to him and said, ‘If you are the Son of God, tell these stones to become bread.’ Jesus answered, “It is written: ‘Man shall not live on bread alone, but on every word that comes from the mouth of God.’” Matthew 4:3-4

Jesus, the man, didn’t fall back on His strengths as God each time the devil tempted Him.  No, he grabbed hold of God the Father as we humans are urged to do.  He looked to the Father in His weakness and continued to obey Him.  You notice Jesus didn’t pray and ask God to give Him bread.  He was told to fast and He used amazing self-discipline in obeying.  I’m certain that during His 40 days and nights His human self prayed for strength and wisdom.

“Again, the devil took him to a very high mountain and showed him all the kingdoms of the world and their splendor.‘All this I will give you,’ he said, ‘if you will bow down and worship me.’ Jesus said to him, ‘Away from me, Satan! For it is written: ‘Worship the Lord your God, and serve him only. Then the devil left him, and angels came and attended him.’”   Matthew 4:8-11

My friends, this week, as we look at our last fruit of the Spirit: self-control, let’s remember that Jesus was a perfect picture of self-control and obedience to God while as a man.  I highlighted in our Gentleness week Jesus never once lost control of His fully God part.  He never caused pain and suffering among those who would destroy Him.  The one instance Jesus, as God, seemed to lash out in anger was to shrivel up a tree because it falsely appeared to have fruit.  And His fully human side cleared out sinners in anger from the temple because they were dishonoring God.  I for one, consider that a pretty good track record of self-control over 3 year’s time!

He had come to do His Father’s will and He would do it to the bitter end.”  

B.B. Warfield, On the Emotional Life of Our Lord

The Lord has called every one of us, who say we believe that Jesus is our Christ and Lord, to accomplish hard tasks.  To turn our old selves over to Him for cleansing and rebirth.  And while we are not saved by our outward work of loving others, being gentle and kind, serving those in need, eschewing all sinful ways, when we ask God to guide us in controlling our thoughts and behaviors the fruit proves to Him and the world that we are justified as righteous.

Coming up: The Wobbly Rock

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Self-Control for Success

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Like a city whose walls are broken through
    is a person who lacks self-control. Proverbs 25:28

Brazilian writer Paulo Coelho once wrote in one of his novels, “If you conquer yourself, then you will conquer the world.”  Sounds like a great plan, right?  But why do so many of us suffer from lack of self-control, either with our eating habits, exercise routines, emotions, studying, words and more?

According to a study revealed in Scientific American the act of self-control can be equated to using your muscles.  To be successful at it we need to practice and practice.  Our self-control muscles also get fatigued as we use them to keep our bad behavior at bay.  So it needs to be replenished.  Maybe that’s why the weight loss program, Noom, encourages its participants to indulge on occasion.  We need a break from our self-control workout which might come in the form of a spa day, special food treat, a day of binge watching, or in one of my daughter’s cases, a day free from talking to anyone.

Years ago, psychologists surmised we needed to work on self-esteem for success in life.  But they are now finding self-control to be the true factor.  Self-control leads us to higher self-esteem and success with relationships, careers, and more.

Friend, when we accepted Jesus as our savior, we were given a self-control workout coach – the Holy Spirit. He is there both through the Word of God and the Spirit’s nudging to remind us of the benefits of self-control. We keep our tongues.  Keep our emotions in check.  Treat our bodies as God’s temples.  Use our minds to better ourselves and those around us.  Self-control is not some Puritan dirty word.  It’s the secret word.  It’s the key to unlock all that God wants for us.  It’s the lesson Jesus taught the apostle Peter throughout the Gospels.

Gracious Father, so often I want to lean toward the desires of my flesh. Speak to me through your Word and the whispering of the Holy Spirit to refresh my self-control and keep me from falling off track.  Amen 

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Guard Your Heart

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Above all else, guard your heart, for everything you do flows from it. Proverbs 4:23

I’ll admit to you right here for the world to read that I have a serious problem with cursing.  Once upon a time I was innocent with my expletives.  I’d say, “Jimminy Crickets!” and “gosh darn.”  And then I started working in a restaurant.  By the time I’d graduated high school my responses to things that went awry or to not nice people weren’t so innocent any more.  Up until recently I figured I just needed to work harder at stopping.  But I was reminded that overcoming sin requires more than just “working harder.”

I read a devotional that convicted me of the root of my sin – the status of my heart.  It shone a light on what was flowing from my heart — anger, pride, unforgiveness, lack of compassion, lack of self-control.  Although James was spot on with his imagery of the tongue being like a fire, I realized that that fire is sparked by my heart.  

My “ah ha” moment that day was how much anger I allow to swirl around in my head and in my heart when someone doesn’t act how I expect or when the world doesn’t stick to My Plan.  Instead of compassion, kindness, love there’s *@%!   A truly ugly use of my God-given heart and tongue.  And a heart change can only take place with the help of the Holy Spirit.  My gal pals know I’ve joined forces with the Holy Spirit to remind me of the fruits of the spirit whenever I leave my house (because I never seem to have a cussing problem in the quiet confines of my She Shed!).  I cannot produce this fruit; I can only bear it because I am closely attached to the vine of Jesus. 

Friend, the world doesn’t think cussing is any big deal these days.  In the past, you’d never hear cuss words on tv or on the radio.  If you’ve ever spent more than a few minutes at an elementary school – yes, elementary school – you’ll find our lax attitudes toward this sin have affected our children.  But we are called as Christians to be different.  To be transformed.  We are to guard our hearts from taking in and spewing darkness.   I, for one, take the pledge.  How about you?

Holy Spirit, guide my choices today in what I take into my mind and heart and help me to return to the world the fruits of your Spirit – kindness, compassion, patience and most of all love.  Amen

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We’re In Control…Aren’t we?

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“Be not angry that you cannot make others as you wish them to be, since you cannot make yourself as you wish to be.” 

Thomas à Kempis, The Imitation of Christ

As I read through the fourth chapter of James I hear one word over and over – control. Even the most passive among us desire control. Control over our decisions, over what jobs we want, over people around us, over people not even around us. Control over our thoughts, your thoughts, over our emotions and yes, over yours. I know a woman who is incredibly sweet and demure. She defers to everyone. She’s a chronic apologizer. You know those folks — they apologize when you are late. It’s seems to be a uniquely female quirk. She is discovering, with God, the woman she’s supposed to be. But what she also wants is to control the emotional outcome for every situation. By thinking we have that type of control over others frequently leads us to decisions resulting in the exact opposite outcomes.

“What causes fights and quarrels among you?  Don’t they come from your desires that battle within you?”

James 4:1

Ouch. Again.  There’s that “log in your eye” message.  You know, the one that says, before you worry about the speck in someone else’s eye, first remove the log out of your own.  In modern times it’s called “baggage.”  Why does the sweet, demure woman desire control over emotional outcomes of others?  We frequently make decisions to protect ourselves from negative situations.  Negative situations we probably experienced growing up.  We are either in protect mode or attack mode to keep us from getting harmed.  Our triggers call for us to “shields up” (for all you Star Trek nerds).  We start playing chess matches of one.  Trying to predict if we say or do something we can outmaneuver our adversary.  Our human desire to control and predict our lives is fertile ground for satan to work his wicked ways.

CONTROL

the (perceived) power to influence or direct people’s behavior or the course of events.

I added the “perceived” part because so often we think we have control when we don’t — causing the friction within ourselves. In the realm of God there’s only one type of “control” He wants us to seek – self-control.  For when we seek to control our minds, our tongues, our bodies, based on His desires, only then can we find true peace.  I love the expectation God has for us to build upon our faith.

“For this very reason make every effort to add to your faith goodness, and to goodness, knowledge, and to knowledge, self-control; and to self-control, perseverance; and to perseverance godliness; and to godliness, mutual affection; and to mutual affection, love.”

2 Peter 1:5-7

Self-control is smack dab in the middle.  With knowledge of what God expects of us we must then set our minds and behavior up against that knowledge and control them.  And without self-control we cannot persevere.  Pretty logical.  Without self-control with my diet I won’t make it to my goal.  Without self-control over my tongue my marriage might not survive.  Without self-control over my body I might put myself in physical harm.  

SELF-CONTROL

The ability to control oneself, in particular one’s emotions and desires or the expression of them in one’s behavior, especially in difficult situations.

Between trying to control others or self-control, only one of these are we guaranteed to be successful at on a regular basis.  The rest, shall we say, needs to be left to God.  Self-control is when we make a commitment to commune with God and study His Word each morning.  It’s when we are faced with a conflict we are slow to speak and quick to listen.  It’s when we are tempted by food, drink, anger, sex, (fill in the blank) and we turn our mind to God and His Truth – not the truth we are conjuring up in our minds to justify wrong-mindedness.

This chapter of James tells us to lose our grip.  Not on our minds but to lose our grips on our relationships, our big plans, our need to know “what’s next.”  It’s scary.  We are all control-freaks in one way or another.  But really, how well has that been working out for you thus far?