control freak

Be completely humble and gentle; 
be patient, bearing with one 
another in love.
Ephesians 4:2

A prayer to be a patient person

Faithful Father, I get so caught up in the busyness of life that I forget that my needs and desires are not the same as everyone else’s. When I’m running late, I want to yell at the drivers in front of me for not moving quickly enough. The slow grocery store bagger receives my glare when she doesn’t work at the same speed which I expect. Or when a friend doesn’t respond to my text as prompt as I need, I get frustrated. I’ve come to realize, LORD, through your holy Word that my impatience is an outgrowth of my lack of humility. Your admonishment to love one another needs to be on my lips when I feel that frustration and anger well up inside me. LORD, I know there is nothing more important to you than having your children express compassion and love for each other. Rest your loving hand on my shoulder as a reminder for when I forget this. Quell my impatient heart and mind and replace it with grace. In your Son’s name I pray, Amen.

When my children were younger, I found myself praying daily for patience. My youngest had the unique ability to press all my “hot buttons” at one time. But patience seemed to allude me. I heard a pastor during this time give the advice to stop beating our heads against the wall if something we prayed for wasn’t manifesting and to pray for something else. It made me realize that maybe God wasn’t answering my prayers because He had other work still to do in me.

Fast forward a few years and I’ve finally come to realize, through God’s nudging and conviction, that I first needed to figure out why I was always so impatient. And as the verse in Ephesians today tells us we need to be “completely humble and gentle.” It was a hard pill to swallow when I pulled back the curtain to see my inner Wizard of Oz working away trying to control everything. And when people aren’t acting as I want them to, I become angry and impatient.

Whoever is patient has great 
understanding, but one who is 
quick-tempered displays folly.
Proverbs 14:29

Great understanding. Understanding of our why’s – not just because we obviously have somewhere much more important to be than everyone else – but our “why” of why we think that. Why do we think our time and our talent or even treasure is so much higher on the scale of importance that we need to tap our feet in obvious disgust? Or we need to blare our horns and use our fingers in un-godly ways. If we are late, who’s fault really is it? If we are up against a deadline, who needs to truly take responsibility for that situation?

God’s Word is great at convicting, correcting and revealing our “why’s.” The next time you find that old foe called “impatience” welling up inside you stop and dig deeper. Pull back the curtain on your wizard and ask God to show you what’s causing so much distress. He will show you. And then He will test you, over and over.

If we all can learn, through a renewed humbleness, to be patient and bearing with one another in love just think how much kinder this world will feel. I’m asking God to start with me.

If you want this too, add the prayer to your daily prayer list and watch and see how God works in your life!

“Be not angry that you cannot make others as you wish them to be, since you cannot make yourself as you wish to be.”
Thomas à Kempis, The Imitation of Christ

As I read through the fourth chapter of James I hear one word over and over – control. Even the most passive among us desire control. Control over our decisions, over what jobs we want, over people around us, over people not even around us. Control over our thoughts, your thoughts, over our emotions and yes, over yours. I know a woman who is incredibly sweet and demure. She defers to everyone. She’s a chronic apologizer. You know those folks — they apologize when you are late. It’s seems to be a uniquely female quirk. She is discovering, with God, the woman she’s supposed to be. But what she also wants is to control the emotional outcome for every situation. By thinking we have that type of control over others frequently leads us to decisions resulting in the exact opposite outcomes.

“What causes fights and quarrels among you? Don’t they come from your desires that battle within you?”
James 4:1

Ouch. Again. There’s that “log in your eye” message. You know, the one that says, before you worry about the speck in someone else’s eye, first remove the log out of your own. In modern times it’s called “baggage.” Why does the sweet, demure woman desire control over emotional outcomes of others? We frequently make decisions to protect ourselves from negative situations. Negative situations we probably experienced growing up. We are either in protect mode or attack mode to keep us from getting harmed. Our triggers call for us to “shields up” (for all you Star Trek nerds). We start playing chess matches of one. Trying to predict if we say or do something we can outmaneuver our adversary. Our human desire to control and predict our lives is fertile ground for satan to work his wicked ways.

CONTROL
the (perceived) power to influence or direct people’s behavior or the course of events.

I added the “perceived” part because so often we think we have control when we don’t — causing the friction within ourselves. In the realm of God there’s only one type of “control” He wants us to seek – self-control. For when we seek to control our minds, our tongues, our bodies, based on His desires, only then can we find true peace. I love the expectation God has for us to build upon our faith.

“For this very reason make every effort to add to your faith goodness, and to goodness, knowledge, and to knowledge, self-control; and to self-control, perseverance; and to perseverance godliness; and to godliness, mutual affection; and to mutual affection, love.”
2 Peter 1:5-7

Self-control is smack dab in the middle. With knowledge of what God expects of us we must then set our minds and behavior up against that knowledge and control them. And without self-control we cannot persevere. Pretty logical. Without self-control with my diet I won’t make it to my goal. Without self-control over my tongue my marriage might not survive. Without self-control over my body I might put myself in physical harm.

SELF-CONTROL
The ability to control oneself, in particular one’s emotions and desires or the expression of them in one’s behavior, especially in difficult situations.

Between trying to control others or self-control, only one of these are we guaranteed to be successful at on a regular basis. The rest, shall we say, needs to be left to God. Self-control is when we make a commitment to commune with God and study His Word each morning. It’s when we are faced with a conflict we are slow to speak and quick to listen. It’s when we are tempted by food, drink, anger, sex, (fill in the blank) and we turn our mind to God and His Truth – not the truth we are conjuring up in our minds to justify wrong-mindedness.

This chapter of James tells us to lose our grip. Not on our minds but to lose our grips on our relationships, our big plans, our need to know “what’s next.” It’s scary. We are all control-freaks in one way or another. But really, how well has that been working out for you thus far?

Tag: control freak

Our Inner Wizard Of Oz

We’re In Control…Aren’t we?