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Enjoying Being Set Apart

Part One

If you had accidentally walked in on the meeting, the unfolding scene you’d have seen featured a young woman, early 20s, sitting face-to-face with an older man, probably in late 40s.  The thick tension had a life of its own.  The woman, looking disconcerted and slightly mystified, rambled on about goals and objectives trying to keep the conversation moving forward.  While the man, with the tapping of his pen, grew ever angrier.  Tap, tap transitioned to tap-tap-tap as the man’s face tensed.  Abruptly, the young woman ended the meeting with an excuse that her time was needed elsewhere.  The man bolted from the room with a loud explosion of frustrated air, “Harrumph!”

That young woman was me some 30 years ago.  The task before me at my new job was to create a new marketing and public relations department in a mid-sized company.  At just 22 and fresh out of college, I felt overwhelmed and underprepared for the obstacles laid before me.  Not one area manager had ever created, much less implemented, a sales and marketing plan.  And here I was teaching and guiding people at least twice my age.  I was the “fresh faced,” “wet-behind-the ears” college girl.  To some I was the pushy “know it all.”  While to others I was a welcomed opportunity to make a positive impact on their business.  And then there was Tom*.  

As a long-time manager for our retail printing and copy services, Tom had enjoyed a quiet existence doing things his way without anyone bothering him.  Until I came along.  After each interaction with Tom, I found myself questioning and revising my communication tactics.  Nothing was working.  He was angry from the beginning to the end of each meeting.  

I finally went to my boss seeking help.  After laying out the situation to my female boss, she laughed and simply said, “That’s Tom.  He hates women.  So don’t worry, it’s not your ideas or what you want to accomplish.  It’s just you.”  In a strange way that brought me relief.  I couldn’t change the fact that I was a woman (and I still can’t btw) so I was able to keep moving forward with my bosses’ mandates with or without his enthusiasm.

Over the years I have experienced this same dislike or disrespect towards women.  Not often, thankfully.  And fortunately, I’m not one to let anyone stand in my way of doing a job.  But the injustice has laid in my memory for years and years.

I never discovered the impetus behind Tom’s hatred of women.  But I have heard many people of late justify their dislike of another sex, race, economic class, etc. out of envy or jealousy.  The real or imagined slight of “they have what I don’t have and I want and it isn’t fair” has long been the sinful root of other sins. 


I’ve heard it said by pastors and Bible teachers that the 10 Commandments can be drilled down to two commands: 1) Love the Lord with all your heart, mind, body and soul and 2) Love your neighbor as yourself. If, as Christians, we were to work tirelessly each day at these two summaries, oh how much more joy and peace and love we would have in our lives!  Instead, as King Solomon discovered 1,000s of years ago in his meaning of life research, we see people being oppressed in all manner of ways, foolish people striving for money and stuff, and others hoarding their earthly treasures.

The world looks arounds and screams, “Where is the justice?!  Why do YOU have what I want and need?”  They march and protest about the 1% and demand equity.  They march and protest about certain races needing to “check themselves.”  And in some churches, where we are to be set apart, what do we hear being taught?

The evangelicals who are saying the most and talking the loudest these days about what’s referred to as “social justice” seem to have a very different perspective (than the solution being in the Gospel of Jesus Christ). Their rhetoric certainly points a different direction, demanding repentance and reparations from one ethnic group for the sins of its ancestors against another. It’s the language of law, not gospel—and worse, it mirrors the jargon of worldly politics, not the message of Christ. It is a startling irony that believers from different ethnic groups, now one in Christ, have chosen to divide over ethnicity. They have a true spiritual unity in Christ, which they disdain in favor of fleshly factions. 

John MacArthur, Pastor, Author and host of Grace to You

Social justice is not God’s justice.  Social justice is defined using the word “equity.”  And equity means to take away, even by force or law, from others.  I have seen some pastors tell their mostly white parishioners they need to not just be “not racist” but actively repent to others (not God). Why? For being white and therefore at some point in their white history an injustice was done to another race.  They tell them to be quiet and not have any opinion on community issues because it’s “time for the other side to have their say.”  If you are rich, you must feel guilty, even if you worked your way up from nothing.  If you are a man, your patriarchy is evil.  Divide, divide, divide.  That, my friends, is not God’s plan for His people.  

So according to this view of “social justice,” a person’s skin color might automatically require a public expression of repentance—not merely for the evils of his ancestors’ culture, but also for specific crimes he cannot possibly have been guilty of.   There’s nothing remotely “just” about that idea, nor does any part of it relate to the gospel of Jesus Christ. The answer to every evil in every heart is not repentance for what someone else may have done, but repentance for your own sins, including hatred, anger, bitterness, or any other sinful attitude or behavior.   

John MacArthur

The people described in Solomon’s fourth chapter of Ecclesiastes, titled in most Bibles, Oppression, Toil, Friendlessness, are not the reason why a person today is oppressed any more than a person 200 years ago or 30 years ago is the reason.  People who are hated today – no matter their skin color, creed, financial status, or even sexuality – are treated badly because of today’s sins by people actually committing them.  And no church or Christian should teach that the way to resolution is more of the same.

Envy of the rich, hatred of the poor, disdain for a person’s skin color or social status, distrust and hatred of the sexes are all tools of the devil.  All methods to divide and conquer.  It’s been that way since before Solomon’s time — even by people who know the Word of God but don’t live it.  If we take the route of retribution hatred grows and life becomes wrought with despair. Each sinful tool serves only to make life seem meaningless and hopeless.  

But God as a different plan for us. One that will set you apart. Join me this Wednesday for Part Two of Enjoying Being Set Apart! Click here for part two.


*Tom is not his real name.

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Glorious Victory

One of King David’s first steps, after he was crowned King of Israel, was to coalesce the people of Israel and bring back the Ark to Jerusalem. As it was brought into Jerusalem, a massive celebration commenced. It was as though the victor had finally arrived back home. David wore his finest clothing, thousands went about rejoicing and hundreds of musicians celebrated in song and dance. A magnificent spectacle to be sure! 

David, in most of his years, looked upon the Lord with great reverence and fear. He prayed regularly for God’s favor to be upon him and the people. God, in turn, brought down enemy after enemy providing Israel with countless victories.

As King David made plans for the new temple to be built one would surmise that nothing could go wrong in this great kingdom. In fact, 1 Chronicles ends with the death of David and this statement:

A man with great faith which led him to great obedience (with a few exceptions). Isn’t that something to which we should all aspire? We may not all be kings or queens, battling other countries in the name of the Lord. But, we have been placed in very specific circumstances by God with our own gifts.  He wants us to experience that same sense of victory. 

Too often we look around and think we are “nobodies” in this grand plan. We probably aren’t pastors, or Bible teachers. We aren’t accomplished missionaries or evangelists. We find ourselves frequently uncomfortable speaking God’s truth to our friends and family lest we damage relationships. How could we ever participate with God in victory like King David?

But David was just a boy to whom God made a promise. To whom God asked for faithfulness. It wasn’t David who made himself victorious, it was God. It was David who stayed close to God, honored Him, and glorified Him.

Throughout this last 30 days, I’ve learned that if I give God glory upon waking, if I give Him glory throughout my day, and if I give Him glory as I lay my head down on my pillow at night, He has made me victorious in so many ways. He helps me win the battle of self-doubt. His flag is planted as He destroys the fields of my pridefulness, envy and discord. He tears down the walls of worry and fear. With my heart, mind and body turned to Him, He makes me victorious!

Friend, Jesus may have arrived as a humble baby but He came to be our victorious Lord and King. God may not strike with thunder and lightning but He is doing a mighty and glorious work in our unseen parts. He asks us only to be faithful and rely on Him. He is making an army that looks like no other.  One that, when this world is all said and done, will rule with Him in glory throughout the heavens and the earth.  May we begin and end each day this coming year with one of King David’s prayers upon dedicating the Temple to the Lord Our God.

AMEN.

Thank you for joining me on this journey of 30 Days of Glory to God Alone! If you missed a post, be sure to check out the Soli Deo Gloria page.

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The Wobbly Rock

It always seems to start with just one bite, one taste, one look, one try.  We soon find ourselves groaning in disbelief that we ate it all again.  Did the one thing we were working so hard to avoid, again.  Disappointed someone again.  Backslid, again.  The world wants to blame Adam for this problem but it was Eve who started us down this ugly path of weakness, self-gratification and indulgence.

To be fair, it was who she decided to put her trust in that caused the Great Fall.  Two parties working in concert– Satan and Eve’s pridefulness– to disobey God’s command that fateful day led us to where we are today.  Adam, that poor soul, had a two-against-one situation convincing him all was well.  Of course, it was really two-on-two if Adam had simply spoke God’s name and asked for help.  God’s omnipotence would have been the finger pressed heavily on the scale for Adam and Eve to turn from the fruit in question.

But because they both placed their trust in what pastor John Ortberg calls, “a wobbly rock,” we find ourselves repeating a version of the world’s first story each day.  Pastor Ortberg, describes this wobbly rock like the one he decided to put his trust in one day while crossing a stream.  It looked secure and rooted in the soil.  As he leapt on it the rock gave way and into the water he went. Resulting in numerous injuries.  And the question today is, “what wobbly rock are you placing your trust in?”

“But mark this: There will be terrible times in the last days. People will be lovers of themselves, lovers of money, boastful, proud, abusive, disobedient to their parents, ungrateful, unholy, without love, unforgiving, slanderous, without self-control, brutal, not lovers of the good, treacherous, rash, conceited, lovers of pleasure rather than lovers of God— having a form of godliness but denying its power. Have nothing to do with such people.  2 Timothy 3:1-5

I suppose we should ask, are we such people Paul is warning against?  In C.S. Lewis’ essay on the three kinds of men he describes the first type of man as one who lives totally for themselves without any acknowledgement of a higher being who will pass judgment on them or have any expectations of them.  For this person, the idea of self-control is based on the whim of the day.  “I should” or “I shouldn’t” enter their vocabulary based on family, social group or society’s expectations.  This person places their trust in a shifting set of rules based on new emotions, facts, and desires.  Today’s “well done” is tomorrow’s regret not because of eternal judgment but because the rules have changed.

The second person is one which Mr. Lewis says most of society reflects.  They know they should live a certain way and sincerely try to do so but only after they have first ensured their own security and happiness.  They believe in that higher power.  Maybe even call him God or Jesus.  These are Adams and Eves.  They’ve experienced God in some way.  But are divided in where they put their full trust.   They give to their church or charities but only as leftovers.  They stand up for the higher power as long as it doesn’t cost them much.  They are drawn to wanting to fit in with the latest views on sexuality and morality while at the same time knowing the Truth of God’s Word. They call their faith “personal” and wouldn’t dream of sharing it.  They “do the right thing” because they think they have to or else God might be angry.  Or to gain favor with God.  Their self-control still stems from their own will, but gets a nice dose of god-guilt on top when they fail to meet what they think God wants from them.   A wobbly rock to be sure.

Many times, however we take it on ourselves to define what’s good for us, and we can be tempted to doubt God for disagreeing with us.”  

Charles Stanley

Doesn’t that sound exactly like Adam and Eve?  Their self-control lasted only as long as something sounded a bit better or reasonable.  Satan didn’t erase God from their minds.  No, he took God’s words and twisted them in such a way that fed their gift of self-will.  I can only imagine the guilt and shame they must have felt as they packed up their fig leaves, a few bags of grain and fruit, and passed from the Garden gates.  From that day forth they probably tried really hard to do the right thing yet knew they were weak and could easily backslide into self-gratification. It sounds like them, but does it also sound like you?

Before we look at the third man in Mr. Lewis’ essay, I have a task for you.  Pastor Ortberg recommends taking this personal inventory to find out, with honesty, where we sit with God.  Are we relying on a wobbly rock which either leads us to temporary self-control or a self-control done with a “I have to” attitude?  This isn’t a confession to God, just inventory-taking.  No guilt, no correction, just a self-examination.  Be fearless and searching, remembering God loves you.

  1. Pride: Is ego ever on the throne in my life? Self-promotion, selfishness, sense of entitlement?  Lack of being a servant?
  2. Anger: Where is there resentment in me?  Where are the obsessive thoughts that want to strike out all the time?  Have I gotten physically violent or just withdrawn   
  3. Sexuality: Are there decisions I have made around my sexual behavior where I feel regret or guilt?  Have I been unfaithful?  Are there patterns of addiction, sexual pornography?  Have I crossed lines in relationships?  Have I been the victim of sexual assault or molestation?
  4. Envy: Do I ever compare myself to other people – appearance, career, family, bank account?  
  5. Gluttony: Do I use food as a way to escape or isn’t good for my body?  Or are there other appetites that would lead my body down the wrong path?
  6. Sloth: Not just a lack of activity but is there a failure to do what needs to be done?  Do I ever procrastinate with things that have high value?
  7. Greed: Do I ever hoard?  Am I gripped by a false sense of financial insecurity?  Do I not manage finances well?  Do I give the way God would want me to?

Remember, after you have completed this searching about where you lack in self-control or have placed your trust, if you are a follower of Jesus, God will lead you out of any guilt or shame.  Turn to Him, for He is the God who restores.

Coming Up: To Be The 3rd Man

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Unity Strengthens

Be on your guard; stand firm in the 
faith; be courageous; be strong. 
1 Cor 16:13

Isn’t it just like us humans, when dealing with multiple leaders, to try and take sides?  Whether it be a job, a volunteer position, in our families, a group of friends, or at our churches so many of us seek to align ourselves with the best and strongest.  If you’ve ever watched an episode of Survivor, you’ll see how drawn we are to this concept.  But alliances and divisions lead to others being on the “out” and others being “in.”   And so often if our seeking of alliances has anything to do with our church it only serves to erode our faith. 

We see behavior that is ungodly.  We, ourselves, take to gossip or manipulation.  We celebrate the uplifted position of who we follow and revel in the failures of the “other side.”  All along its our own relationship with Christ that is suffering. 

When Paul wrote this letter, he was working with the up and coming faith leader Apollos.  Within the Corinth church people had created a division amongst the two men.  Who was the better leader to follow?  It doesn’t appear that Apollos had anything to do with the strife taking place.  In fact, Apollos seemed to try and head off any favoritism issues by telling Paul he wasn’t ready to return to Corinth.  

In Jesus’ world everyone has the opportunity to be “in.” And as Christians, we are to fight against our tendencies to divide and conquer.  We are to be always “on our guard” when we see these types of rifts arise around us.  It takes courage to stand up to gossipers and the pull of others to align ourselves with the “right people.”  It is faith-strengthening whenever we turn our backs on how the world wants us to act and turn toward how Jesus expects us to act.

A church I was at for almost 20 years was ruined by this type of behavior.  It was reduced to almost ashes by people gathering up others to “their side.”  And it’s sad to say it started within the pastoral and elder level.  What we needed were a few courageous and strong faithful Christians to speak the truth and say “enough is enough.”  The destruction of many people’s faith was truly one of the most disturbing things I have witnessed in a church.

“And yet, what are some Churches but semi-religious clubs, mere conventions of people gathered together? They have not in them that holy soul which is the essence of unity.”

Charles Spurgeon

We can’t take a stand for our faith if we aren’t willing to step outside of our worldly, envious, fearful ways.  When we go along and try to play the game of “who’s the best” and then try to align ourselves with them we fall prey to the devil’s divisiveness.

But when we stand firm in our faith and are courageous against those who wish to divide, God stands beside us cheering us on.  And our faith is reignited when we walk with closely Him.

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My Big, Fat, Sparkly Life


I recently read an excerpt from author Tim LaHaye’s, “Spirit Controlled Temperament.”  I love reading about different personalities and picking out which ones line up with my family members.  For those that aren’t familiar with LaHaye’s temperaments there are four of them.  He calls them the “real you” and they are based on names given by Hippocrates.  Your temperament is the combination of inborn traits that affect all our behavior.  Your temperament, combined with childhood training, education, basic attitudes, beliefs and principles forms our character.  The outward appearance of that character is our personality.  Depending upon how genuine a person is those two might or might not match up.

I am firmly in the “Rocky Choleric” temperament: hot, quick, active practical, and strong-willed.  I’m self-sufficient and opinionated.  I’m not frightened by adversity and I have a “dogged determination.”  Here’s the downside.  The “Rocky Choleric” doesn’t always sympathize with others and we don’t naturally express compassion.  In fact, it’s the one area for me that makes me very uncomfortable.  Oh, and did I forget to mention we can also be bossy?  LaHaye goes on to say that the Apostle Paul was a Choleric.  

“Who but a Choleric would crawl out from under a rock pile and the next day walk 12 miles to preach the gospel?”

Tim LaHaye

And boy have I managed to drop a lot of rocks on myself.  I’m working on crawling out.

I wore my pessimistic personality like a badge of honor.  I chastised people who I felt lived behind, “rose colored glasses.”  I consistently was praised for fixing other people’s problems and resolving organizational messes.  But did I mention us Cholerics can be bossy and not compassionate?  On the inside, I envied other people’s social lives.  I wanted to be that woman that walked into a room and threw off glitter wherever she went.  People adore that woman.  She gets invited to Palm Springs weekend getaways with the girls and Luke Bryan concerts (with backstage passes no less).  I would sit hunched over my computer scrolling through other peoples’ facebook pages seeing all the parties I wasn’t invited to.  I envied the sparkly people who were at all the book clubs and Bunco parties.  And every time I tried fitting in, I failed miserably.  Maybe that’s what James is talking about in this verse.

“For where you have envy and selfish ambition, there you find disorder and every evil practice.”

James 3:16

I was trying to do what Tim LaHaye says is next to impossible – change my basic temperament — because I was envious.  I wanted to change the person God made me to be.  What I needed to do instead was align the positive parts of my temperament to Jesus and learn how to release the negative parts. The world’s greatest generals, dictators, and gangsters have predominately been Cholerics, according to LaHaye.  The difference?  Their alignment or lack thereof with God.  

Envy is a dangerous game.  It leads to anger and hatred and sometimes violence.  Warren Buffett once said,

‘It’s not greed that drives the world but envy.”

Envy is the idea of wanting what others have and taking it from them if necessary.  We see a lot of envy in social media, the news, and even as a basis for some of the riots going on today.  Someone wants what someone else has.  As Christians, even in our darkest situations we aren’t to envy others.  We are to turn to God for all our needs.

“The acts of the flesh are obvious…hatred, discord, jealousy, fits of rage, selfish ambitions, envy, drunkenness, orgies and the like.  I warn you as I did before, that those who live like this will not inherit the kingdom of God.” (condensed)

Gala 5:19-21

Envy never finds itself in good company.  I visualize envy as a black swirling, scribbly mass that’s living inside our body.  Its disorganized and ravenous.  It keeps us from thinking with God’s wisdom.  It tears at our hearts so we fail to be compassionate.  We end up living far outside the righteous life He wants for us.

So, when I announced to a Bible study group a few years ago that I, Kris Shetter the Choleric, wanted to be Sparkly, also known in LaHaye’s world as the “Sparky Sanguine,” I had to figure out how to do that while remaining true to myself.  The Sparky Sanguine is warm, buoyant, lively, and fun loving.  She/He is optimistic, compassionate and friendly.  Ya, I bet she goes to all the best parties!

James starts us off on the right path to aligning ourselves with God’s plan:

“Who is wise and understanding among you?  Let them show it by their good life, by deeds done in humility that comes from wisdom.”

James 3:13

Humbleness and envy cannot exist in the same space.  When we humble ourselves, we acknowledge the One greater than ourselves.  We place ourselves as servants of God.  We give up all success to God.  When we envy someone we think we deserve better than others.  We take personal credit for success.  We have selfish ambition,

“Humble yourselves, therefore, under God’s mighty hand, that He may lift you up in due time.”

1 Peter 5:6

I realized I was walking around thinking I knew better than everyone because I could clean up their messes. Because you know those “rose colored glasses” types aren’t paying attention to all that glitter they leave laying around!   I knew without a doubt that my way was the best way.  And here’s a little secret: people don’t like to be around people who think they are lesser.  People don’t like to be constantly corrected or fixed by other faulty human beings.  Go figure.

Lest we think the other three of LaHaye’s temperaments are not without faults he gives us their weaknesses as well.  That Sparky Sanguine?  Restless, undisciplined, egotistical, and emotional.  Seen as the Apostle Peter. The Maestro Melancholy? Self-centered, suspicious, over-sensitive, pessimistic and moody.  Epitomized by Solomon. And my husband’s Flip Phlegmatic? Slow, lazy, provocative, selfish and stubborn.  And yet LaHaye calls out Abraham as a Phlegmatic. Thankfully, my husband only got the stubborn part of that one!


Every single one of us has something about us that can use some Godly tweaking. I know some people have looked at me enviously – “She’s so organized!” “She’s a good leader and can stand up and talk in front of anyone!” “She’s such an amazing problem solver!” There’s a difference between admiration and envy. Envy takes all those statements about me and turns them into something ugly, as though that other person could never attain those same outcomes. I wanted to start admiring people who were sparkly, not envy them.


ad•mi•ra•tion ăd″mə-rā′shən

The state of being viewed with such approval or delight.

en·​vy | \ ˈen-vē  \

Painful or resentful awareness of an advantage enjoyed by another joined with a desire to possess the same advantage


I don’t want to be envied for anything. I don’t need to envy anyone.  I admire a lot of my friends.  Because funny enough, I’ve surrounded myself with much more compassionate people that I am.   And I’d rather just be admired for my faith in God.  Because that is attainable for everyone.  As for my Big, Fat, Sparkly Life?  God and I are doing a lot of work bringing out my good characteristics and wiping away the bad ones.  I know that only when I give to God those things about me that I’ve worked so hard to perfect over my 55 years will I find success – which to me means finding joy in as many moments as possible. Ya, that kinda sounds like “rose-colored glasses” living but who cares.

What parts of your temperament do you need to give over to God to help remove or refine? To read more about Tim LaHaye’s 4 Spiritual Temperaments click here.