A foolish child is a father’s ruin, and a quarrelsome wife is like the constant dripping of a leaky roof. Proverbs 19:13
Last month I finally found the right time and place to open up to my husband about something new that was bothering me in our relationship. We have always been good about communicating with each other. However, I’d been sensitive to not bringing him any more discordancy than he was already experiencing in his work life. My, albeit made in love, approach to the problem didn’t make it go way. In fact, I found myself pulling back or lashing out in other ways. I was getting resentful for not feeling like I could present the issue to him.
According to the wise marriage folks at Marriage 365, communicating our feelings or needs is easier for some people than others. “The truth is,” they write in a course on Confident Communication in Your Marriage, “no one is born with great communication skills, everyone has to learn them. Communication is what connects us and in order to have a healthy marriage, you have to learn techniques that work.”
Isn’t it so often the case though that we think, “If he/she loved me they would just know what I’m feeling (or needing)”? Or “I’ve told him/her a thousand times and they just aren’t listening!” The fact is, if there’s some discord going on in a spouse and proper communication isn’t occurring, it will find its way to the surface in destructive ways – like a constantly dripping leaky roof.
We all need to learn how to communicate effectively with others, whether it’s work partners or life partners. We can’t assume we are experts at it and we certainly shouldn’t assume they are either. The Bible tells us to take all our problems to the Lord with prayer and thanksgiving (don’t miss that second part). I have to think a response back from God when it comes to marital issues is to first remember your commitment to love one another. Secondly, to respect each other. And then actively pursue knowledge and wisdom on how to communicate.
Friend, when I took the Lord’s advice and came to my husband in humility, respect and love he was surprised as to what I had been holding back. And because he loves me as much as I love him, we resolved to work together on our communication. Because no one wants to be tortured by a leaking roof or a nagging spouse.
Father God, in your Word you have shown us how to be good and loving spouses. Direct me each day to grow in knowledge and wisdom to reflect your Word. Amen