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Reliable Friends

January 18, 2023January 4, 2023 krisshetter

One who has unreliable friends soon comes to ruin, but there is a friend who sticks closer than a brother. Proverbs 18:24

She is the sweetest person I have ever called “friend.” A gentle and kind woman who doesn’t have bad things to say about anyone. And she was always late. That is, if she didn’t cancel the morning of or an hour before we planned to meet up. I knew the second we scheduled a lunch date to not be disappointed when she gave me the “oops” text. Sweet and completely unreliable. And although I tried not to let it bother me it did.

When we are younger, automatic friend groups pop up because of school, work, volunteering or your kid’s activities. As I grew older, I found myself realizing that not all but many, friends were out of convenience. Many of them weren’t ones I could truly rely upon.

It all came to a head one day when I was desperate for someone to take me to the doctor. I had gotten word that my knee injury was in fact a serious fracture and I was urged to get to the orthopedic doctor immediately. My husband was out of town. I contacted my mother and was turned down (a longer story for another time). Then my “best friend” who also turned me down. I asked yet another friend and was told no. Instead, I found myself driving home from a doctor’s appointment with a hip to ankle brace and crutches. To this day I’m not sure how I made it home without crashing. It was my “ah ha” moment about my lack of reliable friends.

I spent the next few days alternately feeling sorry for myself and evaluating the people in my friend sphere. I realized there were people around me that were reliable. I just hadn’t cultivated them as good friends. After prayer and putting together an action plan I set about changing this situation.

Friend, since that time I’ve had a number of friends tell me they wish we were friends back during that time of my injury. They tell me they would’ve dropped everything to help me. They are my new sisters, most of whom are also sisters in Christ. Isn’t it time to make sure you have a few reliable friends too?

Holy God, you are my first and foremost reliable guide, friend and helper in my life. I thank you for the reliable people you have placed around me. Please always help me be on the lookout for other, earthly friends with whom I can walk through this world together. Amen

Prune Strife

January 17, 2023January 13, 2023 krisshetter

Better a dry crust with peace and quiet than a house full of feasting, with strife. Proverbs 17:1

I’ve never understood the fascination with the show Real Housewives. You watch as a group of glamorous women gather week after week to go on vacation together, dine in expensive restaurants, shop for beautiful clothing. And fight. And gossip mercilessly about each other. And cry and scream. I suppose it’s like rubbernecking. Watching a disaster unfold seems to hold our attention. Anytime one of my adult children has turned that show or similar ones on at our house all I can hear is bickering and complaining. It feels so stressful just watching it. I have to go to another room and close out the strife.

While we may not all bounce around with the rich and glamorous each week in our real lives, how many of us maintain friend groups that cause similar chaos? That one friend who always picks a fight with the waiter. The friend who demands to have the group plans change to accommodate them. The two friends who revel tearing up each other behind backs. It’s understandable to feel the need to invite a close relative to an all family event who acts this way. But why do we insist on voluntarily bringing that lack of peace into our lives?

Maybe we worry about our social status, being left out, not being “in the know.” Or maybe we keep these folks around because we think it helps our children or spouse. Stepping back however, any strife we purposely allow into our midst will affect the rest of our lives and family.

As I’ve grown and matured, God has pruned out a lot of people from my life. One’s I called dear friends at the time. Some of that pruning felt painful. Now, I look at the beautiful women He has brought into my life because I have learned from His Word about humility, pride, trustworthiness, and sacrificial love. I ate a lot of “dry crust” for a bit waiting for His work in me to show me what was important in who I choose to spend my valuable time with.

Friend, your peace should not be up for sale to people who cause strife. Bring the people in your life to God in prayer and asks Him to show you where you need pruning.

Heavenly Father, reveal to me the people and areas in my life where strife abounds. Help me to prune those areas, even it means eating dry crust for awhile. Amen.

Who Rules Your Day?

January 16, 2023January 3, 2023 krisshetter

All a person’s ways seem pure to them, but motives are weighed by the Lord. Proverbs 16:2

We’ve all had the opportunity to be arm-chair decision makers while watching a movie. You just know that she should not, absolutely not, open that door and peer into Pandora’s Box. But because their curiosity or desires are so great they ignore every good sense they should have. The 1988 movie, Indecent Proposal, must have had movie goers at the edge of their seats shaking their heads in exasperation. A married couple meet a billionaire while in Las Vegas. He offers $1million to sleep with the wife for one night. After deliberating, the couple agrees to the proposal. I mean, it was a million dollars! That kind of money can paper over any possible issues that might arise, right?

Even though this scenario was fantasy on the silver screen how many of us make decisions every single day thinking we know better than God? We see the immediate benefit of our choice. Our desires and emotions outweigh or even obscure the possible consequences. This is especially dangerous when the consequences may not be seen for years – say through the actions of our children.

I heard a pastor recently break down how to live at peace – with our decisions, the world swirling around us and more. First, seek God’s help, advice, and intervention. Then don’t take it back. That’s what Abraham’s Sarah did. She prayed for children then decided she probably could handle the problem better. She had her husband sleep with Hagar. And like the results of the decision in Indecent Proposal, people’s lives were ruined and changed forever.

Friend, God doesn’t need you to ask permission for everything in life. If you stick close to Him, you’ll know the right and wrong in most situations. But when it comes to the big stuff or situations where emotions and desires are strong we need to submit them to God. We need our heavenly Counselor to give us better advice than what our flesh is telling us. And then take it.

Lord, I can get blinded by my explanations for why I need to do things my way. Please shine a revealing light on those times where I need to fully commit my choices to you. Amen

Cleave From Fools

January 14, 2023January 13, 2023 krisshetter

Stay away from a fool,
    for you will not find knowledge on their lips. Proverbs 14:7

I imagine today’s wise advice has everyone shaking their heads in agreement. If a spotlight were pointed at your gaggle of friends, however, would there be that one person you know you should limit your time around? The one always making bad decisions, dragging you into uncomfortable situations, struggling in their marriage because of their behavior, and the list goes on and on.

Why do we keep these folks on our Christmas card list or included in our party invitations? Unfortunately, some are a bit too close to home as relatives. But those other ones, those are head scratchers. Maybe you think they are funny, your kids are on the same sports team, you’re in a Bible study group with them, or they are a neighbor. As Christians aren’t we to show kindness, compassion and grace?

Yes, to all of the above. However, nowhere in scripture will you find the Lord advising to bring into your close sphere a fool. As scripturally well-informed Christians we should be able to spot fools fairly quickly and make wise choices about boundaries. According to an article in Sharper Iron, look for these traits: arrogance, overconfidence, lacking shame, braggart, reckless with words and choices, self-indulgent, quarrelsome, and insulting. It doesn’t matter that they also have an amazing talent for scrapbooking, working out, wine collecting, or whatever mirrors some hobby or interest of yours. Stay clear. Smile and wave. Be kind and gracious. Protect your heart, mind, family and wallet.

Friend, a fool is no friend. In the end, you will most likely look the fool along with them. Take what they say with a discerning ear. Surround yourself with people you can trust and help you on your sanctification journey. God will cleave the fools. You just need to let them go. He will place the people you need in your path.

Holy Father, open my eyes to the foolish people I have held on to in my life. Help me to be discerning with my time and boundaries concerning them. Bring me wise mentors into my life. Amen

Stop Pretending

January 13, 2023January 1, 2023 krisshetter

One person pretends to be rich, yet has nothing;
    another pretends to be poor, yet has great wealth. Proverbs 13:7

According to an article in Psychology Today the advent of social media brought about a terrible case of lying. Lying about our weight, our age, our financial status, social standing, looks, and well, just about everything about ourselves. In a study that reviewed 80 online daters, researchers found that two thirds of participants lied about their weight by five pounds or more. In a large sample of over 2,000 people in England 43 percent of men admitted to making up facts about themselves and their lives that were not true. Most commonly, participants said that they only shared “non-boring” aspects of their lives (32 percent) and were not as “active” as their social media accounts appeared (14 percent).

Some might say, eh, what’s the big deal? While we humans like to think we are individually responsible for our own health and well-being we actually are in a giant social contract with each other. When a young teen looks at people online having the time of their lives 24/7 they may think, “why is my life so boring?” Unhappiness, dissatisfaction, loneliness, or worse, thoughts of harming themselves are paths many may take when evaluating their own “normal” lives.

I remember having this very conversation with my youngest daughter her first year of college. “Everyone else that went off to school seems to be so happy. Why am I struggling?” she once said. I reminded her that very, very few people post the other 12 or 18 hours of their day when they are studying for a test, sitting alone having lunch, or crying from homesickness.

Our wise words today speak to how we show our wealth or lack thereof. But in the larger scheme of things, it’s about pretending to be something we are not. I can’t help but think this comes from a place of looking for love and affirmation in the wrong places. God loves you when you have money and when you don’t. He loves you when you are doing boring things like taking out the trash. He loves you when you are on a fabulous vacation or quietly reading a book on the couch.

Friend, God loves you when you are being true to your situation. You don’t need to pretend to be something you aren’t. So stop trying to keep up with the influencers who stood in line for three hours to get that perfect shot in Malta. If all you can do for a vacation is take a hike in your nearby woods, enjoy every single minute of it. God is with you and loves you right where you are.

Lord, help me shine for the person you made me to be right now. I want to be thankful for the blessings you have given me. I know you love me whether rich or poor. Whatever you have blessed me with help me to bless others by being genuine and true. Amen

Bible, bible study, Christian, Christian Church, christian encouragement, christian men, christian parenting, Christian women, Faith, Jesus, Jesus Follower, politics, prayer, proverbs, religion, Transformation Prayer, Uncategorized, wisdom

Taking Offense

January 12, 2023January 1, 2023 krisshetter

Fools show their annoyance at once,
    but the prudent overlook an insult. Proverbs 12:16

This is the second rendition of today’s post. When I started this blog over two years ago, I asked the Holy Spirit to speak through me. If writing a particular post felt like I was pulling teeth I knew it wasn’t coming from the right source. As a result, the post I wrote earlier went into the “delete” pile. Each sentence I wrote was interrupted either by texts, my husband, timers going off, etc. I now realize every time my mind wandered to one of those interruptions it was a tap on my shoulder to re-focus and re-write.

You see what was happening in the background of my original text was this very proverb. I was getting annoyed and offended by problems surrounding an event I am hosting. It only took me about a half a day to finally figure it out. The Holy Spirit giving me a real life example of practicing what I preach!

Being offended has risen to an artform these days. We are offended by other drivers, cashiers, politicians, neighbors, strangers, businesses, faceless people in our social media threads, our friends, our family, our spouses and on and on. If “they” don’t conform to our wants and needs, it might ruin our day. If “they” don’t act how we think they should we are hurt and insulted. No grace and definitely no mercy.

We take for granted that God won’t do the same to us. Thank goodness because we all probably offend Him multiple times a day. While He may allow our sinful actions to suffer the corresponding consequences, He isn’t sending down bolts of lightning to smote us each time we mess up. He hasn’t washed His hands of us because He’s had it for the last time.

Friends, it’s time to step back and control our emotions. We have in Jesus the perfect example for us today. He was whipped, beaten, stabbed, spit on, forsaken by friends, and hung on a cross yet He still loved. He still asked God to grant mercy. Today, can’t we do the same with the brothers and sisters around us who are probably doing their best to make it through this day just like you? I, for one, got this message loud and clear today.

Gracious God, thank you for your mercy. Help me to deliver that same mercy and grace to those around me who might insult me or cause offense. I thank you for teaching me how to seek peace throughout my days. Amen

Less Babbling, Please

January 10, 2023December 31, 2022 krisshetter

"Sin is not ended by multiplying words,
    but the prudent hold their tongues." Proverbs 10:19

I was tempted to not write anything for this verse. It surely speaks for itself. It’s a lesson I should have tattooed on my wrist so I never forget it! When I am nervous, angry, excited, or joyful, I talk. I babble. I had to apologize recently to a fairly new friend about my babbling. She introduced me to her friends and I found myself a brook overflowing with silly words. I walked away praying, “I did it again! Why can’t I just be normal and stop talking??”

The Holy Spirit, boy does He deserve a medal in trying to help me with this. I think He sees progress. I am being more discerning about keeping my mouth shut when others share their difficulties. I’m not always jumping in and giving my personal or political opinion. I’m also refraining from feeling the need to lash out when offended. I’m seeing the fruit of zipping my lips. Shocking, isn’t it, when we take God’s Word to heart how it seems to actually work?

So today my friend, here’s a challenge, unless asked for your opinion, don’t give it. If someone is sharing a story, don’t add your own. If you are confronted by a stranger, as Dr. Laura used to say, “smile and wave.” Zip your lips for a day. You just might find a bit more peace.

Holy God, although I know you enjoy a joyful noise on occasion, I also know you appreciate the beauty of silence. Help me today to be silent when needed. Amen.

Taking The Easy Way

January 9, 2023December 31, 2022 krisshetter

 “Let all who are simple come to my house!”
To those who have no sense she says,
¹⁷    “Stolen water is sweet;
    food eaten in secret is delicious!”
¹⁸But little do they know that the dead are there,
    that her guests are deep in the realm of the dead. Proverbs 9:16-19

There’s a great debate raging in the United States today about achieving equity through stealing. Where I live, a law was changed so that if you steal less than $950 and are caught you might receive a small fine. As a result of this change, reported (much goes unreported) larceny as has gone up 3% in just one year. Property crime has increased in 24 counties throughout the state. Stores are closing in areas where shoplifting has skyrocketed. As one woman put it in an interview, “If I need diapers or formula who is going to get it for me? They aren’t out there arresting people for shoplifting and everyone knows it.”

Now this post isn’t a spotlight on political missteps or any particular point of view. But there are consequences when we choose to live and make decisions outside God’s plan for us. And one of the oft repeated admonitions in Proverbs is about laziness or taking the easy way out. Some argue that being against allowing people to steal for what they call “basic needs” is racist or discriminatory. But what really is at work in this particular issue is people who are not in need, such as politicians and activists, taking the easy path. “Well, if we just let people steal without punishment that solves the problem, right?”

There are free needle exchange programs, safe drug taking areas, laws removed to allow for sleeping on the streets, money thrown at problems, etc. None of these choices make us step back and take the harder, more intricate path. Some would say they exacerbate the very issues we are trying to resolve. As Christians we should be convicted to be more thoughtful and loving and wise. To have the desire to help God’s fellow sheep be lifted from sin and despair.

My favorite reality contest show was Biggest Loser. Not only was the goal to lose weight but the show counseled participants on the root of their weight issues. Many discovered their pain from abuse or loss triggered their unhealthy eating habits. Without resolution of that pain, they were sure to continue on their destructive, “easier” paths.

Friend, if in your own life you seek bandaids rather than true healing, if you try to avoid doing things the right way because it just seems easier, God is calling you to wisdom. Stolen water is sweet but the dead live in that realm. He is calling you to life and true joy.

Father, at times it seems simpler and less painful to take the easy path. Please guide me to making better choices that effect both my own life and the world around me. Amen

Patience In The Waiting

January 8, 2023January 10, 2023 krisshetter

Blessed are those who listen to me, watching daily at my doors, waiting at my doorway. Proverbs 8:34

Have you ever met one of those people that seem to calmly wait in long lines? Like they’ve got nothing better to do? That attitude has always seemed strange and foreign to me. I mean, I’ve got stuff to accomplish. People to see, errands to run! Patience has definitely not been one of my well-honed attributes. But if I learned anything during the Covid years it was to slow down, way down. In fact, when everything started opening up I could feel my body reacting to getting back in the busy flow of life, speeding up to meet the traffic. The Holy Spirit whispered to me again to slow down, to wait, to watch and to listen.

While the verse today specifically speaks to waiting for wisdom and insight, I think we can all agree that patience really is a virtue in every aspect of our lives. Oh, how many times in my baby Christian days did I jump into situations without first asking a few questions or even praying about them! Those were the days of making decisions first then asking God afterwards to make those decisions work out for the best.

As I’ve worked on developing a more patient frame of mind it’s caused me to evaluate why I am impatient. I mean think about it. As you’re tapping your foot in line at the coffee shop what are you really contemplating? Your time is so much more valuable than anyone else’s? If you were in charge, things would be running a lot smoother? The cashier obviously isn’t smart enough or cares enough about his job? The root of all these is pride, lack of grace and humility.

Or maybe you tend to jump at opportunities like a new job, an investment, a free giveaway or a deal on a purchase. If you don’t act now you might just miss out! Is it that you’ve placed money as an idol, either saving it or spending it? Or status and recognition before wise choices?

Friend, unless you are faced with an immediate life or death decision, wisdom asks us just for a few moments of time. A chance to gain insight into the choice or attitude you are about to take. So let’s all take a collective breath say a prayer.

Lord, I get so caught up in the daily comings and goings of my life and need your help to slow down and be patient. Remind me today to give grace to those who need it and seek insight for my decisions. Amen

Peace-Creating Discipline

January 5, 2023January 1, 2023 krisshetter

For lack of discipline they will die, led astray by their own great folly. Proverbs 5:23

Charles Spurgeon, one of the most prolific pastors of all time said just a few weeks before his death, “I look back, and remember what I might have done and have not done; what opportunities of usefulness I have not seized; what sins I have allowed to pass unrebuked; what struggling beginners in grace I have failed to help.” A man who had spoken to millions. Who brought the good news of Jesus’ healing lights to so many, this man in all humility felt he could have done more.

How many of us can say we have used our time as wisely for the Lord? How many of us have instead placed so many other activities ahead of helping others out of their darkness? Of allowing the Holy Spirit to help us out of our own darkness?

When we hear the words “Christian discipline” it may cause us to cringe or to worry about what will be required of us or what we will have to give up. It sounds harsh and monk-like. Our thoughts on it may be borrowed from what the world may think of Christians – joyless, rule followers. However, we are told throughout Proverbs that God’s idea of discipline is actually a lifesaver, peace creator, and joy maker.

Because God loves all of us – believer and non – He yearns for us to live on the disciplined path. One that seeks to keep us from the darkness of sexual immorality, greed, self-importance, violence, and more.

Christian discipline includes these aspects: spiritual, social, physical and mental. Each, when practiced close in hand with Jesus, is intended to live the full, beautiful, peaceful and joy-filled life God wants for us. When we stay in His Word and prayer, when we are careful and loving with our relationships with others, when we are good stewards of our bodies, and when we keep our thoughts free of lust, greed and self, we will find our paths simpler. Our decisions about life get easier. That’s not to say we won’t encounter push back from the world or even trials. But in the midst of all that life will throw at us, our Christian discipline will keep the path forward clear.

Heavenly Father, help me to develop a disciplined life that aligns with your Word so that I may become more like Jesus and experience the life you intend for me. Amen