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Be Prudent with Vows

January 20, 2023January 10, 2023 krisshetter

It is a trap to dedicate something rashly
    and only later to consider one’s vows.  Proverbs 20:25

prudent: (ˈpruːdənt) adj 1. discreet or cautious in managing one’s activities; circumspect

Years ago, when I was heavily involved in our elementary school PTA, there was one woman who put her hand up for just about every activity for which we needed volunteers. The first to offer to be a chair for an event, she was well-known at the school. There was just one problem. She rarely followed through with what she promised. Without fail, those events she promised to shepherd fell into chaos. It’s difficult, when someone steps forward to volunteer, to tell them, “no thanks.” And so, year after year other volunteers assisted with the clean up behind her wake.

Today’s wise words remind us that making promises we can’t keep leads us into traps. In the case of the rash volunteer that trap was a destroyed reputation. For others, it may look like a broken marriage which effects finances, children, livelihoods and more. A failed promise to pay back a debt that leads to more indebtedness.

Judges 11:31-39 tells of Jephthah who is desperate for victory against the Ammonites. He promises God that should He give him victory he will sacrifice whomever first walks through the door upon his return from the battlefield. And, of course, his favorite young daughter dances out the door, being the first to greet him after his victory. He is devastated realizing too late his vow.

Friend, we make little and large promises all the time. A promise to make dinner. Promises to show up on time. A commitment to the bank to repay your loan. Those promises we make to ourselves to lose weight, get fit, read our Bible and more. God wants us to slow down and be more cautious with our word. There’s only one person who walked this earth who has and will keep every promise He has ever made – Jesus. We will fail to keep a promise or two. But we can minimize the destructive results of broken promises by limiting them and being careful with them in the first place.

Heavenly Father, thank you for being a promise keeper. You show me that making promises is something to be taken seriously. Help me to step back when facing a situation where a promise may be needed and take the time to evaluate my ability to keep that promise. Amen

The Drippy, Leaky Roof

January 19, 2023January 10, 2023 krisshetter

A foolish child is a father’s ruin,
    and a quarrelsome wife is like
    the constant dripping of a leaky roof.  Proverbs 19:13

Last month I finally found the right time and place to open up to my husband about something new that was bothering me in our relationship. We have always been good about communicating with each other. However, I’d been sensitive to not bringing him any more discordancy than he was already experiencing in his work life. My, albeit made in love, approach to the problem didn’t make it go way. In fact, I found myself pulling back or lashing out in other ways. I was getting resentful for not feeling like I could present the issue to him.

According to the wise marriage folks at Marriage 365, communicating our feelings or needs is easier for some people than others. “The truth is,” they write in a course on Confident Communication in Your Marriage, “no one is born with great communication skills, everyone has to learn them. Communication is what connects us and in order to have a healthy marriage, you have to learn techniques that work.”

Isn’t it so often the case though that we think, “If he/she loved me they would just know what I’m feeling (or needing)”? Or “I’ve told him/her a thousand times and they just aren’t listening!” The fact is, if there’s some discord going on in a spouse and proper communication isn’t occurring, it will find its way to the surface in destructive ways – like a constantly dripping leaky roof.

We all need to learn how to communicate effectively with others, whether it’s work partners or life partners. We can’t assume we are experts at it and we certainly shouldn’t assume they are either. The Bible tells us to take all our problems to the Lord with prayer and thanksgiving (don’t miss that second part). I have to think a response back from God when it comes to marital issues is to first remember your commitment to love one another. Secondly, to respect each other. And then actively pursue knowledge and wisdom on how to communicate.

Friend, when I took the Lord’s advice and came to my husband in humility, respect and love he was surprised as to what I had been holding back. And because he loves me as much as I love him, we resolved to work together on our communication. Because no one wants to be tortured by a leaking roof or a nagging spouse.

Father God, in your Word you have shown us how to be good and loving spouses. Direct me each day to grow in knowledge and wisdom to reflect your Word. Amen

Reliable Friends

January 18, 2023January 4, 2023 krisshetter

One who has unreliable friends soon comes to ruin, but there is a friend who sticks closer than a brother. Proverbs 18:24

She is the sweetest person I have ever called “friend.” A gentle and kind woman who doesn’t have bad things to say about anyone. And she was always late. That is, if she didn’t cancel the morning of or an hour before we planned to meet up. I knew the second we scheduled a lunch date to not be disappointed when she gave me the “oops” text. Sweet and completely unreliable. And although I tried not to let it bother me it did.

When we are younger, automatic friend groups pop up because of school, work, volunteering or your kid’s activities. As I grew older, I found myself realizing that not all but many, friends were out of convenience. Many of them weren’t ones I could truly rely upon.

It all came to a head one day when I was desperate for someone to take me to the doctor. I had gotten word that my knee injury was in fact a serious fracture and I was urged to get to the orthopedic doctor immediately. My husband was out of town. I contacted my mother and was turned down (a longer story for another time). Then my “best friend” who also turned me down. I asked yet another friend and was told no. Instead, I found myself driving home from a doctor’s appointment with a hip to ankle brace and crutches. To this day I’m not sure how I made it home without crashing. It was my “ah ha” moment about my lack of reliable friends.

I spent the next few days alternately feeling sorry for myself and evaluating the people in my friend sphere. I realized there were people around me that were reliable. I just hadn’t cultivated them as good friends. After prayer and putting together an action plan I set about changing this situation.

Friend, since that time I’ve had a number of friends tell me they wish we were friends back during that time of my injury. They tell me they would’ve dropped everything to help me. They are my new sisters, most of whom are also sisters in Christ. Isn’t it time to make sure you have a few reliable friends too?

Holy God, you are my first and foremost reliable guide, friend and helper in my life. I thank you for the reliable people you have placed around me. Please always help me be on the lookout for other, earthly friends with whom I can walk through this world together. Amen

Prune Strife

January 17, 2023January 13, 2023 krisshetter

Better a dry crust with peace and quiet than a house full of feasting, with strife. Proverbs 17:1

I’ve never understood the fascination with the show Real Housewives. You watch as a group of glamorous women gather week after week to go on vacation together, dine in expensive restaurants, shop for beautiful clothing. And fight. And gossip mercilessly about each other. And cry and scream. I suppose it’s like rubbernecking. Watching a disaster unfold seems to hold our attention. Anytime one of my adult children has turned that show or similar ones on at our house all I can hear is bickering and complaining. It feels so stressful just watching it. I have to go to another room and close out the strife.

While we may not all bounce around with the rich and glamorous each week in our real lives, how many of us maintain friend groups that cause similar chaos? That one friend who always picks a fight with the waiter. The friend who demands to have the group plans change to accommodate them. The two friends who revel tearing up each other behind backs. It’s understandable to feel the need to invite a close relative to an all family event who acts this way. But why do we insist on voluntarily bringing that lack of peace into our lives?

Maybe we worry about our social status, being left out, not being “in the know.” Or maybe we keep these folks around because we think it helps our children or spouse. Stepping back however, any strife we purposely allow into our midst will affect the rest of our lives and family.

As I’ve grown and matured, God has pruned out a lot of people from my life. One’s I called dear friends at the time. Some of that pruning felt painful. Now, I look at the beautiful women He has brought into my life because I have learned from His Word about humility, pride, trustworthiness, and sacrificial love. I ate a lot of “dry crust” for a bit waiting for His work in me to show me what was important in who I choose to spend my valuable time with.

Friend, your peace should not be up for sale to people who cause strife. Bring the people in your life to God in prayer and asks Him to show you where you need pruning.

Heavenly Father, reveal to me the people and areas in my life where strife abounds. Help me to prune those areas, even it means eating dry crust for awhile. Amen.

Stop Pretending

January 13, 2023January 1, 2023 krisshetter

One person pretends to be rich, yet has nothing;
    another pretends to be poor, yet has great wealth. Proverbs 13:7

According to an article in Psychology Today the advent of social media brought about a terrible case of lying. Lying about our weight, our age, our financial status, social standing, looks, and well, just about everything about ourselves. In a study that reviewed 80 online daters, researchers found that two thirds of participants lied about their weight by five pounds or more. In a large sample of over 2,000 people in England 43 percent of men admitted to making up facts about themselves and their lives that were not true. Most commonly, participants said that they only shared “non-boring” aspects of their lives (32 percent) and were not as “active” as their social media accounts appeared (14 percent).

Some might say, eh, what’s the big deal? While we humans like to think we are individually responsible for our own health and well-being we actually are in a giant social contract with each other. When a young teen looks at people online having the time of their lives 24/7 they may think, “why is my life so boring?” Unhappiness, dissatisfaction, loneliness, or worse, thoughts of harming themselves are paths many may take when evaluating their own “normal” lives.

I remember having this very conversation with my youngest daughter her first year of college. “Everyone else that went off to school seems to be so happy. Why am I struggling?” she once said. I reminded her that very, very few people post the other 12 or 18 hours of their day when they are studying for a test, sitting alone having lunch, or crying from homesickness.

Our wise words today speak to how we show our wealth or lack thereof. But in the larger scheme of things, it’s about pretending to be something we are not. I can’t help but think this comes from a place of looking for love and affirmation in the wrong places. God loves you when you have money and when you don’t. He loves you when you are doing boring things like taking out the trash. He loves you when you are on a fabulous vacation or quietly reading a book on the couch.

Friend, God loves you when you are being true to your situation. You don’t need to pretend to be something you aren’t. So stop trying to keep up with the influencers who stood in line for three hours to get that perfect shot in Malta. If all you can do for a vacation is take a hike in your nearby woods, enjoy every single minute of it. God is with you and loves you right where you are.

Lord, help me shine for the person you made me to be right now. I want to be thankful for the blessings you have given me. I know you love me whether rich or poor. Whatever you have blessed me with help me to bless others by being genuine and true. Amen

Bible, bible study, Christian, Christian Church, christian encouragement, christian men, christian parenting, Christian women, Faith, Jesus, Jesus Follower, politics, prayer, proverbs, religion, Transformation Prayer, Uncategorized, wisdom

Taking Offense

January 12, 2023January 1, 2023 krisshetter

Fools show their annoyance at once,
    but the prudent overlook an insult. Proverbs 12:16

This is the second rendition of today’s post. When I started this blog over two years ago, I asked the Holy Spirit to speak through me. If writing a particular post felt like I was pulling teeth I knew it wasn’t coming from the right source. As a result, the post I wrote earlier went into the “delete” pile. Each sentence I wrote was interrupted either by texts, my husband, timers going off, etc. I now realize every time my mind wandered to one of those interruptions it was a tap on my shoulder to re-focus and re-write.

You see what was happening in the background of my original text was this very proverb. I was getting annoyed and offended by problems surrounding an event I am hosting. It only took me about a half a day to finally figure it out. The Holy Spirit giving me a real life example of practicing what I preach!

Being offended has risen to an artform these days. We are offended by other drivers, cashiers, politicians, neighbors, strangers, businesses, faceless people in our social media threads, our friends, our family, our spouses and on and on. If “they” don’t conform to our wants and needs, it might ruin our day. If “they” don’t act how we think they should we are hurt and insulted. No grace and definitely no mercy.

We take for granted that God won’t do the same to us. Thank goodness because we all probably offend Him multiple times a day. While He may allow our sinful actions to suffer the corresponding consequences, He isn’t sending down bolts of lightning to smote us each time we mess up. He hasn’t washed His hands of us because He’s had it for the last time.

Friends, it’s time to step back and control our emotions. We have in Jesus the perfect example for us today. He was whipped, beaten, stabbed, spit on, forsaken by friends, and hung on a cross yet He still loved. He still asked God to grant mercy. Today, can’t we do the same with the brothers and sisters around us who are probably doing their best to make it through this day just like you? I, for one, got this message loud and clear today.

Gracious God, thank you for your mercy. Help me to deliver that same mercy and grace to those around me who might insult me or cause offense. I thank you for teaching me how to seek peace throughout my days. Amen

Be Generous

January 11, 2023December 31, 2022 krisshetter

 
A generous person will prosper;
    whoever refreshes others will be refreshed. Proverbs 11:25

For a few years in a row a person in my family would give us all lottery tickets as part of our Christmas gifts. It was a chance to win thousands of dollars but we usually came away with a few dollars between us all. It was a fun activity during the middle of gift giving. If you’ve ever scratched off a lottery ticket in the United States there’s a place on the back to put your name and address so if you were to hit it big, you’d mail the ticket in to receive your winnings. The odd part about our Christmas tickets was this: the gift giver would always place their name and address on the back of the ticket. What they were saying was, “Here’s a fun gift but if you win anything it’s mine.”

Generosity is not a natural behavior for many of us. For some, we can be tightfisted and stingy. For others, generosity seems like second nature. It wasn’t until around the 18^th century that our modern view of generosity became more commonplace. Before that it was thought only people with “means” could act admirably and with virtue. However, the concept of generosity in the Christian realm can be seen throughout scripture, with its culmination in the lesson of God sacrificing His only Son for our salvation. The apostle Paul regarded generosity as proof of the genuine character of Christian love.

I love one of the descriptions of generosity by the Generosity Research Center at Notre Dame University: “Generosity involves giving to others not simply anything in abundance but rather giving those things that are good for others. Generosity always intends to enhance the true wellbeing of those to whom it gives.”

Looking back at our proverb today you’ll see the word “refresh.” It aligns perfectly with this description. Refreshing or enhancing the wellbeing of another reveals itself in many ways, depending upon that person’s or group’s needs. When we truly provide for another person or recognize an opportunity to fill a need, we will be blessed by seeing the other shine. Generosity need not be an economic exchange. Even when money is involved it should primarily be an action of the heart.

Friend, generosity is something to be cultivated and practiced. It starts with answering opportunities with an open heart. It’s important to remember God didn’t go halfway. Jesus suffered a painful death for everyone. Giving us all an opportunity to live a blessed life when we believe and are obedient to Him. He doesn’t need us for Him to be whole but I can only imagine how blessed He must feel when another person accepts His gift. As Christians, modeling this generosity should be a daily priority.

Holy Father thank you for being so generous to have given your only Son to enhance our lives for all eternity. Place me in situations so that I can also express generosity to those around me. Amen

Less Babbling, Please

January 10, 2023December 31, 2022 krisshetter

"Sin is not ended by multiplying words,
    but the prudent hold their tongues." Proverbs 10:19

I was tempted to not write anything for this verse. It surely speaks for itself. It’s a lesson I should have tattooed on my wrist so I never forget it! When I am nervous, angry, excited, or joyful, I talk. I babble. I had to apologize recently to a fairly new friend about my babbling. She introduced me to her friends and I found myself a brook overflowing with silly words. I walked away praying, “I did it again! Why can’t I just be normal and stop talking??”

The Holy Spirit, boy does He deserve a medal in trying to help me with this. I think He sees progress. I am being more discerning about keeping my mouth shut when others share their difficulties. I’m not always jumping in and giving my personal or political opinion. I’m also refraining from feeling the need to lash out when offended. I’m seeing the fruit of zipping my lips. Shocking, isn’t it, when we take God’s Word to heart how it seems to actually work?

So today my friend, here’s a challenge, unless asked for your opinion, don’t give it. If someone is sharing a story, don’t add your own. If you are confronted by a stranger, as Dr. Laura used to say, “smile and wave.” Zip your lips for a day. You just might find a bit more peace.

Holy God, although I know you enjoy a joyful noise on occasion, I also know you appreciate the beauty of silence. Help me today to be silent when needed. Amen.

Taking The Easy Way

January 9, 2023December 31, 2022 krisshetter

 “Let all who are simple come to my house!”
To those who have no sense she says,
¹⁷    “Stolen water is sweet;
    food eaten in secret is delicious!”
¹⁸But little do they know that the dead are there,
    that her guests are deep in the realm of the dead. Proverbs 9:16-19

There’s a great debate raging in the United States today about achieving equity through stealing. Where I live, a law was changed so that if you steal less than $950 and are caught you might receive a small fine. As a result of this change, reported (much goes unreported) larceny as has gone up 3% in just one year. Property crime has increased in 24 counties throughout the state. Stores are closing in areas where shoplifting has skyrocketed. As one woman put it in an interview, “If I need diapers or formula who is going to get it for me? They aren’t out there arresting people for shoplifting and everyone knows it.”

Now this post isn’t a spotlight on political missteps or any particular point of view. But there are consequences when we choose to live and make decisions outside God’s plan for us. And one of the oft repeated admonitions in Proverbs is about laziness or taking the easy way out. Some argue that being against allowing people to steal for what they call “basic needs” is racist or discriminatory. But what really is at work in this particular issue is people who are not in need, such as politicians and activists, taking the easy path. “Well, if we just let people steal without punishment that solves the problem, right?”

There are free needle exchange programs, safe drug taking areas, laws removed to allow for sleeping on the streets, money thrown at problems, etc. None of these choices make us step back and take the harder, more intricate path. Some would say they exacerbate the very issues we are trying to resolve. As Christians we should be convicted to be more thoughtful and loving and wise. To have the desire to help God’s fellow sheep be lifted from sin and despair.

My favorite reality contest show was Biggest Loser. Not only was the goal to lose weight but the show counseled participants on the root of their weight issues. Many discovered their pain from abuse or loss triggered their unhealthy eating habits. Without resolution of that pain, they were sure to continue on their destructive, “easier” paths.

Friend, if in your own life you seek bandaids rather than true healing, if you try to avoid doing things the right way because it just seems easier, God is calling you to wisdom. Stolen water is sweet but the dead live in that realm. He is calling you to life and true joy.

Father, at times it seems simpler and less painful to take the easy path. Please guide me to making better choices that effect both my own life and the world around me. Amen

Patience In The Waiting

January 8, 2023January 10, 2023 krisshetter

Blessed are those who listen to me, watching daily at my doors, waiting at my doorway. Proverbs 8:34

Have you ever met one of those people that seem to calmly wait in long lines? Like they’ve got nothing better to do? That attitude has always seemed strange and foreign to me. I mean, I’ve got stuff to accomplish. People to see, errands to run! Patience has definitely not been one of my well-honed attributes. But if I learned anything during the Covid years it was to slow down, way down. In fact, when everything started opening up I could feel my body reacting to getting back in the busy flow of life, speeding up to meet the traffic. The Holy Spirit whispered to me again to slow down, to wait, to watch and to listen.

While the verse today specifically speaks to waiting for wisdom and insight, I think we can all agree that patience really is a virtue in every aspect of our lives. Oh, how many times in my baby Christian days did I jump into situations without first asking a few questions or even praying about them! Those were the days of making decisions first then asking God afterwards to make those decisions work out for the best.

As I’ve worked on developing a more patient frame of mind it’s caused me to evaluate why I am impatient. I mean think about it. As you’re tapping your foot in line at the coffee shop what are you really contemplating? Your time is so much more valuable than anyone else’s? If you were in charge, things would be running a lot smoother? The cashier obviously isn’t smart enough or cares enough about his job? The root of all these is pride, lack of grace and humility.

Or maybe you tend to jump at opportunities like a new job, an investment, a free giveaway or a deal on a purchase. If you don’t act now you might just miss out! Is it that you’ve placed money as an idol, either saving it or spending it? Or status and recognition before wise choices?

Friend, unless you are faced with an immediate life or death decision, wisdom asks us just for a few moments of time. A chance to gain insight into the choice or attitude you are about to take. So let’s all take a collective breath say a prayer.

Lord, I get so caught up in the daily comings and goings of my life and need your help to slow down and be patient. Remind me today to give grace to those who need it and seek insight for my decisions. Amen