Rise up and help us; rescue us because of your unfailing love. Psalm 44:26
I’ll admit I’ve had a bit of a rough relationship with God the last few weeks. I have an on-going health issue related to my sinuses. For years I’ve suffered through swollen sinuses, infections, allergies, clogged ears, excruciating headaches and more. I’m in my third year of allergy shots and recently had a second sinus surgery. And I feel worse.
A few weekends ago I spent most of the time feeling like my head was either in a tight vise or underwater. Conversations were muffled and my eustachian tubes felt as though a needle was being jammed in them. I got on my knees and started praying desperately for God to heal me. While at church I prayed continuously for healing. And the pain continued.
Awake, Lord! Why do you sleep? Rouse yourself! Do not reject us forever. Psalm 44:23
Have you ever felt the way the psalmist did when he wrote that verse? Like God just isn’t listening? That Sunday evening, I sure did. I was in tears. And so, I cried out to God even louder to please heal me. For a brief moment I even felt myself being pulled back into my old way of thinking that God didn’t care about me or worse, maybe didn’t even exist. But my faith journey has brought me too far to let me slide backwards.
There is no relapse where Christ heals; no fear that His patients should be merely patched up for a season. He makes new men of them; He give them a new heart and He puts within them a right spirit.Charles Spurgeon
My knowledge of God has led me to a place of greater wisdom. Instead of asking God to “wake up” I started asking Him if this was to be my thorn, my constant affliction to cause me to rely more and more on Him.
It also led me to put my pain and suffering in perspective. While my issues are painful and irritating, I am not debilitated. I can still rise every morning and serve Him and the people around me. And through a pounding headache I can still go out for a walk and experience a beautiful day. I put my troubles up against my mother-in-law’s, who through a year battling cancer and diverticulitis has managed a smile each time I talk to her. Yes, at her lowest she has cried. But I’ve watched her turn back to God in faith, searching for His hand in all things.
I want God to take away my pain. I know He can. He can heal me as I write this. And it is not for me to know why He doesn’t.
I was given a thorn in my flesh, a messenger of Satan, to torment me. Three times I pleaded with the Lord to take it away from me. But he said to me, “My grace is sufficient for you, for my power is made perfect in weakness.” 2 Corinthians 12:7-9
I would prefer not to be held to the same spiritual standards set by the Apostle Paul. To seek God’s goodness when I feel my worst. To feel His presence when my head is pounding. To do the work required of me when the pain is almost overwhelming. At times I just can’t. That’s when I beg God to help me, to rescue me.
I’m not going to stop asking for healing. But I’ve decided that I trust God that there is a reason He hasn’t. And I know for certain, that in trusting Him, one day we will all be free from affliction and experience His amazing glory.