hormones

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To Be The 3rd Man

June 23, 2023June 23, 2023 krisshetter

During the last five years or so I started gaining the dreaded hormonal weight. As a woman over 50 I’ve watched a donut grow around my waist. Being tall, I can frequently hide this mysterious weight gain but I know it’s there. So of course, I decided to try and diet my belly away. I successfully lost weight through a program called Noom, multiple times. Yes, after about a year of relishing my new body, the weight crept back on. My second stint with Noom saw the same weight loss and eventual gain. I constantly blame myself for failing to have enough self-control so I don’t become “fat grandma” instead of “fit grandma.” And while I do recommend the Noom program – which isn’t really a diet at all but rather a healthier way of looking at food – it lacks one feature that would make it complete. God.

The Christian way of self-control is not “Just say no!” The problem is with the word “just.” You don’t just say no. You say no in a certain way: You say no by faith in the superior power and pleasure of Christ. It is just as ruthless. And may be just as painful. But the difference between worldly self-control and godly self-control is crucial. Who will get the glory for victory? That’s the issue. Will we get the glory? Or will Christ get the glory? If we exercise self-control by faith in Christ’s superior power and pleasure, Christ will get the glory.”
John Piper, The Fierce Fruit of Self-Control

How many times in your life have you sought to abstain or control a behavior that is destructive or just isn’t serving you well by thinking, “I just need to say no!” ? And yet over and over you fail. Sometimes in little bits and sometimes with flair. It seems the one thing we tell ourselves over and over not to do is exactly what we find ourselves doing. But take heart, we are not alone.

“I do not understand what I do. For what I want to do I do not do, but what I hate I do. And if I do what I do not want to do, I agree that the law is good. As it is, it is no longer I myself who do it, but it is sin living in me. For I know that good itself does not dwell in me, that is, in my sinful nature. For I have the desire to do what is good, but I cannot carry it out. For I do not do the good I want to do, but the evil I do not want to do—this I keep on doing. Now if I do what I do not want to do, it is no longer I who do it, but it is sin living in me that does it.” Romans 7:15-20

Paul, we feel your pain. He sounds exactly like the second type of man that C.S. Lewis describes in his essay about the three types of man. The one we looked at in the last post who has a divided mind. Thankfully, Paul does not leave us in this fretful state. He makes a right turn into Mr. Lewis’ third man.

“Who will rescue me from this body that is subject to death? Thanks be to God, who delivers me through Jesus Christ our Lord!” ….” Therefore, there is now no condemnation for those who are in Christ Jesus, because through Christ Jesus the law of the Spirit who gives life has set youfree from the law of sin and death. Romans 7:24-25 & 8:1-2

A life free from sin, death and I might add, shame. Sounds like a pretty good place to be, doesn’t it? How do we get there? How do we stop being double-minded, trying to put our weight on that wobbly rock and instead on the only solid rock we need? First, by declaring Jesus as our Lord and Savior. And secondly, turning our entire life over to Him.

You see, the third man in Mr. Lewis’ essay has done something violent. They have fiercely killed their old self. All their time, their thoughts, their actions, emotions, belong to God which means it also belongs to them because they are His. It is a daily choice to submit their all to Him. This man is joyfully obedient, not sullenly dragged to do good.

The abundant life is a choice you make day by day to embrace God who created you to be. Becoming the masterpiece God formed you to be is a lifelong process, but it is worth it because of the beautiful, unique reflection you become of your Savior.”
Charles Stanley, God’s Purpose for Your Life

The first time I realized the cycle of failure in not including God in seeking a better, fruit-filled life was when I attempted to stop cursing. Throughout my day I told myself to not curse. Of course, I found myself doing it more! My thoughts were placed on the wobbly rock – my own self. And cursing was what was on my mind. It wasn’t until I placed them in the Holy Spirit’s hands that I found success. When in trigger situations I turned to God, even for a brief moment. “What would He want out of me right now? Anger or love?”

“For if you live according to the flesh, you will die; but if by the Spirit you put to death the misdeeds of the body, you will live.” Romans 8:13

Friend, just as in all the other Fruits of the Spirit, biblical self-control is not the same as the world’s. The world says, “Try harder. And when you fail, sit in shame.” God, on the other hand, assumes you cannot be the only member in this fight of wills. He tells us to put on our full armor – His Word, salvation, peace, truth, the righteousness gifted to you, and the shield of faith. We take this armor and call it trust. Trusting in the only solid rock that can hold our weight and get us safely to the other side of the river.

When you see the words “self-control,” don’t jump to all the things you contemplated in your personal inventory and think, “I can fix this.” Instead, drop to your knees and cry out to the Holy Spirit for help. As the two of you begin a new life and new self together you will find your “have to’s” turning in to “get to’s.” Your new self allows the light of the Lord to shine on all areas of your heart and mind.

For me, I stop thinking about cursing and turn to love and kindness and gentleness. For others they stop being angry and unforgiving and experience patience and peace and joy. We stop obsessing over our needs, for our bodies, our hearts and minds and instead ask God what He wants of us. In other words, we stop growing weeds and start blooming and living a full Christian life.

Thank you for joining me on this journey through the Fruit of the Spirit! Be sure to follow the blog to receive your notice about the next series!

The acts of the flesh are obvious: sexual immorality, impurity and debauchery; idolatry and witchcraft; hatred, discord, jealousy, fits of rage, selfish ambition, dissensions, factions ²¹and envy; drunkenness, orgies, and the like. I warn you, as I did before, that those who live like this will not inherit the kingdom of God.

But the fruit of the Spirit is love, joy, peace,forbearance, kindness, goodness, faithfulness,gentleness and self-control. Against such things there is no law. Those who belong to Christ Jesus have crucified the flesh with its passions and desires. Since we live by the Spirit, let us keep in step with the Spirit. Galatians 5:19-25

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Friendship

November 6, 2021November 15, 2021 krisshetter

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Truly I tell you, among those born of women there has not risen anyone greater than John the Baptist;  Matthew 11:11

It’s been quite a few years but the period of time where I felt I had zero friends still brings a bit of sadness. I was in the midst of mild depression, hormonal changes, medical issues and family changes. As I evaluated the relationships I had outside my family I realized I lacked any true friends. Many acquaintances, but no friends I could solidly rely upon. There’s many of us that have gone through or are currently in that lonely place. God, from the beginning, decided we shouldn’t be alone and when we are we feel that sense of incompleteness.

What I love about the quote from Jesus today is how He showed the world how much He loved and valued friendship. Imagine a friend elevating you to such heights! When my youngest daughter went off to college she discovered this type of friendship. I still remember the phone call when she told me she had finally realized what true, loving friendship means.

“When she introduces me she starts out saying what an amazing writer I am and how talented I am. She is so proud of me and excited to walk alongside me in life without jealousy or competition,” my daughter explained about her friend. Isn’t that the type of friendship we all need? Ones where we lift each other up and comfort each other when we are down? People who jump at the chance to help us and just live life with us?

If either of them falls down, one can help the other up. But pity anyone who falls and has no one to help them up. Ecclesiastes 4:10

I’ve come a long way from that sad time in my life. I turned to God and the Holy Spirit for help. I asked for good women to come into my life and they have. I’ve had to do a lot of work on my end – as God has revealed the reasons I was in that place to begin with. I needed to learn to be the friend I desired to have.

Let’s thank God for giving us the yearning for friendship. Let’s thank God for helping fill that yearning. And although we are never truly alone because of our fellowship with the Almighty, He wants us in Christian fellowship to guide us in our sanctification journey. Our first step is to ask Him to fulfill this need. And then we need to go to work.

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A Tiny Message #6

March 4, 2021February 24, 2021 krisshetter

Therefore, since we are surrounded 
by such a great cloud of witnesses, 
let us throw off everything that 
hinders and the sin that so easily 
entangles. 
Hebrews 12:1

I was at one of the lowest points in my life. Sure, I realized at some point that my hormonal situation was partially to blame but so was my environment. More specifically, I had surrounded myself with friends who, to be honest, weren’t all that great of friends. When I asked for help one day because of a medical problem my friends said, “no.” Even my parents said, “no.” I found myself at the end of my spiritual rope.

I remember sitting at my computer looking at Facebook and slowly deleting every single “friend” while sobbing. But the Holy Spirit doesn’t let go of us.

I will not leave you as orphans; 
I will come to you.  
John 14:18

What I was led to do in the coming weeks was to seriously evaluate what environment I had created and how I could create a better one. I went down the list of women I knew casually and had shown themselves to be people of character. And I started calling them, inviting them to lunch, Bible study, or for a walk. About a year later I told some of them what had happened that day I needed help. Some of them cried for me and said, “I wish you had called me. I would have dropped everything for you.” And then I cried. But this time tears of love and joy.

Sometimes we need to have a truly hard moment to see what we have created around us and how it hinders our spiritual connectedness. And the Holy Spirit will be there to guide us to our new home. I found this prayer about laying aside all our hinderances that I thought you might enjoy.

“Lord, I want to stay in an environment that will keep my faith alive and strong. Help me recognize those relationships and places I should avoid to keep my faith from being negatively affected. As you show me places, people, and things I should avoid, give me the strength I need to do what is right — and give me the wisdom I need to know how to avoid those places and people! I pray this in Jesus’ name!”