discipline

A teenager asked his father if he could go to an unsupervised party where there would surely be drinking. He denied his request. “Aw Dad, why not?” he complained. “I’m in high school now!” Dad replied: “Because some will drink and the party could get out of control.” “But, Dad, those are just very small parts of the party! “My answer is ‘no,’ and that is my final answer. You are welcome to stay home tonight, invite some of your friends over. But you will not go to that party. End of discussion.”

The teenager walked dejectedly into the family room and slumped down on the couch. As he sulked, he was surprised to hear the sounds of his father preparing something in the kitchen. He soon recognized the wonderful aroma of brownies baking in the oven, and he thought, “Dad must be feeling guilty, and now he’s going to try to make it up to me with some fresh brownies. Maybe I can soften him up with lots of praise when he brings them out to me and persuade him to let me go to that party after all.”

The teen was not disappointed. Soon his father appeared with a plate of warm brownies. He took one. Then his father said, “Before you eat, I want to tell you something: I love you very much. That is why I’ve made these brownies from scratch with the very best ingredients. The best stone-milled flour. The best free-range eggs. The best organic pure cane sugar. Premium vanilla and the finest chocolate.” The brownies looked mouth-watering.

“There is one ingredient I added that is not usually found in brownies. I got that ingredient from our own backyard. But you needn’t worry, because I only added the tiniest bit of that ingredient. The amount of the portion is practically insignificant. So go ahead, take a bite and let me know what you think.”

“Dad, what is the mystery ingredient before I eat it?” the teen asked. Dad answered, “Why? The portion I added was so small. Just a teaspoonful. You won’t even taste it.” The teen said, “Come on, Dad; just tell me what it is.”

“Well, OK, if you insist. That secret ingredient is organic…dog poop.” The teen instantly dropped his brownie back on the plate and began inspecting his fingers with horror. “DAD! Why did you do that? You’ve tempted me by making me smell the brownies cooking for the last half hour, and now you tell me that you added dog poop! I can’t eat these!”

Dad asked, “Why not? The amount of dog poop is very small compared to the rest of the ingredients. It won’t hurt you. It’s been cooked right along with the other ingredients and you won’t even taste it. Go ahead and eat it.” His son replied, “No, never.”

The wise dad continued, “And that is the same reason I won’t allow you to go to that party. You won’t tolerate a little dog poop in your brownies, so why should you tolerate a little immorality in your life? We pray that God will not lead us unto temptation. So how can you in good conscience entertain yourself with something that could easily get you into trouble?”

The teenager lowered his head, then looked up at his Dad. He smiled. He finally understood. He never did go to high school parties where there was drinking.

Ah, the wisdom of a father. Don’t most parents wish and hope we can provide such clever and wise examples to their children? And best of all, they listen and obey? But alas, so much wisdom dispensed, even to us, falls on deaf ears. We know better and usually think we can do better than the person trying to save us from heartache or hardship.

The Old Testament can be broken into four categories of books. The Pentateuch, the first 6 books, Israel’s history, the prophets, and then wisdom. Two entire books, Proverbs and Ecclesiastes, have as their focus the topic of wisdom. It must be something God finds very important in the lives of us humans. Yet, wisdom and the enjoyment of having a life filled with it, seems so elusive to many.

We all have that family member, friend, neighbor, co-worker or acquaintance who causes us to scratch our heads each time they make yet another disastrous decision. A decision that looks a lot like the same mistake they made last time when they sloughed off good advice. Or maybe that person is…you.

Much of the wise advice we hear throughout our lives has its roots somewhere in the book of Proverbs, authored mostly by King Solomon. In Ecclesiastes 7 & 8, he goes on to remind us to seek wisdom but that wisdom, by itself, is not to be the end-goal. He should know. Having asked God to grant him the wisest mind, he eventually managed to really mess up his life pursuing all manner of fleshly desires of which his gift of wisdom afforded him by becoming a wealthy king. He became the poster boy for “do as I say, not as I do.”

“The fear of the Lord is the beginning of wisdom, and the knowledge of the Holy One is insight.” Proverb 9:10

Had he heeded his own wise words he might have produced offspring that didn’t want to betray him or destroy the kingdom once they were in power. It’s a good lesson to learn when we dispense wisdom to our fellow, earthly travellers. As Jesus once reminded us, remove the log out of your own eye before you comment on the speck of another.

All that aside, it appears that at end of Solomon’s life he recognized so many of his faults, sins or indescretions. The result was his study of life in Ecclesiastes. And with that we get such wonderful pearls as:

“For the protection of wisdom is like the protection of money, and the advantage of knowledge is that wisdom preserves the life of him who has it.” Ecclesiastes 7:12

If there was one thing, after seeking and thirsting for Christ, that we should spend our life attaining it would be wisdom. It’s not easily gained. So often the attaining requires we suffer first. Isn’t that what we so often try to impart to others? How to avoid pain, suffering, loss by taking our hard-earned advice?

“It is for discipline that you have to endure.  God is treating you as sons. For what son is there whom his father does not discipline?  ⁸If you are left without discipline, in which all have participated, then you are illegitimate children and not sons.”  Hebrews 12:7-8

Like the son in the brownie story all of us need discipline sometime in our lives. It’s the first step in wisdom seeking. The person who learns from their mistakes or experiences (or others’) gains one step closer to being wise. One step closer to living a peaceful, joy-filled life.

None of us can come to the highest maturity without enduring the summer heat of trials.”
Charles Spurgeon

“The heart of the wise is in the house of mourning, but the heart of fools is in the house of mirth.” Ecclesiastes 7:4

Solomon isn’t telling us in the above verse to not have a good and happy life. What he is saying is our seeking joy and happiness at all costs is a shallow goal and not wise. When our yearning for closeness to God can only be satisfied during joyful times, we miss out on the richness that tough times can bring. Life, as we all know, isn’t all rainbows and unicorns. As he has said throughout Ecclesiastes, life is frequently about toiling and repetitiveness. Wisdom is rarely sought and found while we are whooping it up at a party.

Wisdom is found before we enter the door and remember the terrible hangover we had that last time. Or the fight you and your spouse got into because of inappropriate behavior at the neighborhood BBQ. Or even maybe the DUI your friend got when you drove home together. When we brush all that aside for a “good time,” we’ve entered into the land of folly.

Wisdom is gained by remembering. Remembering the wise words shared with you. Remembering the results of poor decisions, either by yourself or someone you know.

Wisdom isn’t just knowledge. My mother-in-law was a very wise person. She didn’t go to college, she didn’t have some big shot important job. She was a mom, a sometimes employee at dress shops and florists. She was a devoted Christian and a ready-hand at many volunteer events. She was creative and quick-witted. And she dispensed wisdom with ease. Wisdom gained from a dirt poor childhood with an alcoholic dad. From watching her brother make one bad decision after another ending up on drugs and in jail. She didn’t need self-help books to know about life, she lived it and remembered it.

To know is not to be wise. To know how to use knowledge is to have wisdom.”
Charles Spurgeon

Friend, in this first look at wisdom let’s make a good evaluation of our own lives. Are we enjoying a life of wisdom or are you continuing to make the same bad decisions? Are you saying “talk to the hand” when someone who has wise words wants to impart them to you? Do you brush aside past mistakes thinking things will be different this time? Have you prayed, as King Solomon did, to the Lord asking for wisdom, in each and every aspect of your life?

Wisdom will keep you from the extremes, as Solomon reminds us in verse 7:9. It will preserve you, your good name (Ecc 7:1), your family and other relationships. Seek first to be obedient to God and then ask Him for insight and wisdom.

I want to leave you today with a prayer that many may be familiar with written by theologian Karl Paul Reinhold Niebuhr (1892-1971), called the Serenity Prayer.

God grant me the serenity
to accept the things I cannot change;
courage to change the things I can;
and wisdom to know the difference.
Living one day at a time;
enjoying one moment at a time;
accepting hardships as the pathway to peace;
taking, as He did, this sinful world
as it is, not as I would have it;
trusting that He will make all things right
if I surrender to His Will;
that I may be reasonably happy in this life
and supremely happy with Him
forever in the next.
Amen.

Enjoying A Wisdom Filled Life Part Two now available! Click here.

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The Lord God said, “It is not good for the man to be alone. I will make a helper suitable for him.” Genesis 2:18

I’ll be honest, I never thought I’d get married. Partially because I just wasn’t raised thinking about marriage and partially because I was the product of a marriage based on very little respect for each other. For many years, God allowed me to live my life in sexual sin. I went from one man to another, sometimes only passing through in the night. But God always has a plan for each and every one of us. For me, that plan included being given the gift of a wonderful husband.

In our early years, my husband and I weren’t faithful followers of Jesus. But he, at least, had a Christian background from which to draw. When I look back over our first 10 years of marriage I can see where I am grateful for that tension of knowing some of what God expected from us as a couple. I say “tension” because whenever we live outside of God’s narrow path we can either 1) live like we don’t have a clue that what we are doing is ungodly or 2) have some concept of ungodliness which can then pull us into learning more. We will be judged in the end so I’d rather not be oblivious to my sins and take the opportunity to work on them!

In our marriage we struggled for control. Control of who would be the head of our household. Control of our finances. Control over long term decisions for our family. Over discipline of our kids. Over our time management. Looking back, I was only doing what I had learned in my family home. A weak father figure gives way to a power vacuum. On the other hand, my husband came from a strong, godly father-led family. And so the back and forth went on and on.

The woman said to the serpent, “We may eat fruit from the trees in the garden, but God did say, ‘You must not eat fruit from the tree that is in the middle of the garden, and you must not touch it, or you will die.’”  Genesis 3:2-3

There’s a lot of talk in feminist circles and the media about the “patriarchy” and how men shouldn’t “keep women down.” But from the beginning God had a very clear plan for women and men. Women were to be the “helpers,” assisting their Adams to be the best men they could be. Like a good golf caddy, this is no job to take lightly. Yet we arrive at Genesis 3 and Eve immediately forgoes her heavenly role. Instead of seeking wisdom from her husband she is drawn to the words of the serpent. The fleshly desires pull her farther and farther away from God’s plan.

The man said, “The woman you put here with me—she gave me some fruit from the tree, and I ate it.” Genesis 3:12

And the result? As you can read above the entire plan is turned upside down. Eve takes the lead and Adam falls into a weak position of blame. Eve is punished by God for her role in the Great Fall with painful childbirth and the knowledge that men will rule over her. But when you read the punishment of Adam, he receives a harsh future that effects every area of his life.

I have to be honest and say that every marriage I have been around that was in serious trouble was a direct result of this upside down relationship. That’s not to say there aren’t men who disobey God’s command to love their wives as Christ loves the church (Eph 5:25). But so often in our modern world and as a result of the feminist movement which started in the 70s, women have jostled or demanded control in their relationships. Like all actions that go against God’s holy plan we see the results with weak husbands and overbearing wives. And wives who underneath it all desire a man to stand up for them, to take charge, to love them to the point of sacrifice.

Women of God, the idea of submitting to our husbands or future husbands does not mean we are second class citizens. You’ll notice in Genesis 3:16 Eve’s punishment was to have men rule over her. Therefore, it wasn’t God’s plan for men to “rule” over her in the first place. Thankfully Jesus came to give us a new covenant, reminding us that although there is still a hierarchy of responsibility, every person is of equal value. A helper doesn’t mean you are less than the one being helped. It’s taken me awhile to truly understand this. What it means is we trust God’s plan. And if we have chosen wisely, we trust our husbands who also trust God. We trust them to take care of the family business. We trust they will have our best interest in mind. We trust they love us so much they want us to be content.

If our husbands are not trustworthy in those areas or men of faith, who are we to blame?

He had seven hundred wives of royal birth and three hundred concubines, and his wives led him astray. 1 Kings 11:3

King Solomon was considered one of the wisest men of all time. Yet it was his wives that managed to turn him away from God, to lead him astray. Our role as our husband’s life caddy is so important that we can’t let what the world says about feminism and submission sway us from following God’s plan. A good and godly wife holds so much sway over her husband. And the world laughs at us thinking a bigger paycheck or fancy job title is what’s most important. Our work in helping our husbands will take us a lifetime — much of the time simply modeling godly behavior, control over our emotions, showing love, showing faith in the Almighty and our men.

Eve’s veering from God’s plan, leading her husband to a great sin, can make me so angry at times. But then I think about the times I placed myself above my husband and ask for mercy. It took a lot of intentional work on my part to step back and encourage and teach my husband how to place himself at the head of our family. He didn’t think I needed him, ever.

Friends, whether you are a husband, wife, or not yet married we must stand resolutely against how the world wants to define marriage. We can’t let the world define what “submission” looks like in God’s world. His great plan for man and woman, joined together in harmony is just the example for what is the final plan. The ultimate marriage between Jesus and His bride will be full of love, joy, beauty and compassion. Let’s start today with making those fruits part of our earthly marriages.

Tag: discipline

Enjoying A Wisdom-Filled Life

A Plan for Us