30 Days of Reverence

I’m going to be completely honest.  For the last 6 months or so I’ve struggle with my faith.  I haven’t lost faith.  No, it’s more that I have struggled to feel my faith, to be emotionally involved in it.  Knowledge is gained each day with my studies.  I trust that God will provide.  And I have continued to pray throughout my days.  Only on rare occasions, which usually involve being outdoors, have I felt my faith.

I know I’m not the only one who has had periods like this.  Some say they aren’t hearing from God, or they can’t feel His love or His presence.  I have a friend who went through something similar for 10 years during a very difficult time in her life.

A week or so ago my husband and I visited Santa Fe, New Mexico.  There’s a beautiful Catholic cathedral in the center of town.  Upon entering we discovered they were celebrating 50 years of service by their priest, Jerome Joseph Martinez y Alire.  I was handed a small card with his photo featuring him at his ordination in 1976.  But what caught my attention was the prayer he allowed them to print on the card.  A prayer he prays every Sunday evening.

Dearest Lord,

I sometimes feel I’m only going through the motions of a relationship with you.  Intellectually I know you are with me always, but doing your work as a priest distracts me from falling more in love with you.

But I know you are infinitely patient with me.  Although at times I know you must feel sorrow at the times I neglect your many invitations to enter more deeply into your heart.

Help me then realize that you alone are Savior and that the work I do for you depends on its success upon your grace, not my efforts.  Teach me how to rest in your infinite tenderness for me.  Amen 

The truth is, God has never moved. He is always near. But prolonged grief, stress, and exhaustion can dull our awareness of His presence. After years marked by loss, caregiving, and constant pressure, I realized my soul had grown weary. My emotions had shut down, and my spirit needed rest and remembrance.

For most of 2025 I spent my time at my father’s doctor’s offices, infusion clinics, and rehabilitation centers.  I made endless phone calls handling both my mom’s death paperwork and then my dad’s medical appointments.  My visits to my grandchildren were few and far between.  And as my father declined, he came to live with us.  My trips outside the house became less frequent.  And the need to be his constant caretaker set my own life aside. 

I’m not complaining.  In fact, the LORD’s presence and peace carried me through vast amounts of that time.  I saw Him at work in me and those around me.  

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When my father died in September of 2025 I hit a wall.  I’ve read studies on the troubling effects of long-term elevated stress.  The results of which I believe hit me like a rock.

According to an article by Ann Pietrangelo in Healthline, chronically high cortisol and symptoms of chronic stress go hand in hand. These include:

• Fatigue
• Sleep issues
• Irritability
• Anxiety
• Weight gain, especially around the abdomen
• High blood pressure
• Brain fog
• Forgetfulness
• Frequent headaches

Chronic stress has real consequences. I see these same effects in friends caring for aging parents and in others still recovering from recent years of upheaval.

But God.

Despite my (and maybe your) recent feeling of disconnectedness, God has given me so many past experiences where He and I were closely tethered.  I’ve drawn on those to remind me that He is a God who loves me.  A God who sees me.  A God who wants my burdens.  

About a month ago I embarked on a study of the book of Romans.  My plan was to do a series on it.  But at the halfway point I felt overwhelmed with the prospect and underwhelmed with desire.  It’s sitting, waiting for me to finish.  

Recently, I asked God to help me start a project, any project, that I could sink my teeth into.  He has nudged me through various podcasts, devotionals, and sermons.  

In difficult times, in times of loss, in times of detachment, in times of disappointment, we need most of all to remember.  To remember who God is and where we stand with Him.  To remember what has been done for us.  To remember the character and attributes of the God Most High.

In such times we are called to praise and worship.  So that’s what I’m going to do.  In the back of Jen Wilkins’ amazing Bible study on Revelation, you’ll find a long list of the attributes of God.  I’m taking that as my guide for 30 days.  

If you find yourself weary, disconnected, or longing to feel close to God again, I invite you to join me. Together, let us remember. Let us worship. Let us stand in reverent awe of the One who has never left us.

30 Days of Reverence begins April 1 with a twice a week blog post. I hope you’ll walk this journey with me.