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Enjoying Being Set Apart

Part One

If you had accidentally walked in on the meeting, the unfolding scene you’d have seen featured a young woman, early 20s, sitting face-to-face with an older man, probably in late 40s.  The thick tension had a life of its own.  The woman, looking disconcerted and slightly mystified, rambled on about goals and objectives trying to keep the conversation moving forward.  While the man, with the tapping of his pen, grew ever angrier.  Tap, tap transitioned to tap-tap-tap as the man’s face tensed.  Abruptly, the young woman ended the meeting with an excuse that her time was needed elsewhere.  The man bolted from the room with a loud explosion of frustrated air, “Harrumph!”

That young woman was me some 30 years ago.  The task before me at my new job was to create a new marketing and public relations department in a mid-sized company.  At just 22 and fresh out of college, I felt overwhelmed and underprepared for the obstacles laid before me.  Not one area manager had ever created, much less implemented, a sales and marketing plan.  And here I was teaching and guiding people at least twice my age.  I was the “fresh faced,” “wet-behind-the ears” college girl.  To some I was the pushy “know it all.”  While to others I was a welcomed opportunity to make a positive impact on their business.  And then there was Tom*.  

As a long-time manager for our retail printing and copy services, Tom had enjoyed a quiet existence doing things his way without anyone bothering him.  Until I came along.  After each interaction with Tom, I found myself questioning and revising my communication tactics.  Nothing was working.  He was angry from the beginning to the end of each meeting.  

I finally went to my boss seeking help.  After laying out the situation to my female boss, she laughed and simply said, “That’s Tom.  He hates women.  So don’t worry, it’s not your ideas or what you want to accomplish.  It’s just you.”  In a strange way that brought me relief.  I couldn’t change the fact that I was a woman (and I still can’t btw) so I was able to keep moving forward with my bosses’ mandates with or without his enthusiasm.

Over the years I have experienced this same dislike or disrespect towards women.  Not often, thankfully.  And fortunately, I’m not one to let anyone stand in my way of doing a job.  But the injustice has laid in my memory for years and years.

I never discovered the impetus behind Tom’s hatred of women.  But I have heard many people of late justify their dislike of another sex, race, economic class, etc. out of envy or jealousy.  The real or imagined slight of “they have what I don’t have and I want and it isn’t fair” has long been the sinful root of other sins. 


I’ve heard it said by pastors and Bible teachers that the 10 Commandments can be drilled down to two commands: 1) Love the Lord with all your heart, mind, body and soul and 2) Love your neighbor as yourself. If, as Christians, we were to work tirelessly each day at these two summaries, oh how much more joy and peace and love we would have in our lives!  Instead, as King Solomon discovered 1,000s of years ago in his meaning of life research, we see people being oppressed in all manner of ways, foolish people striving for money and stuff, and others hoarding their earthly treasures.

The world looks arounds and screams, “Where is the justice?!  Why do YOU have what I want and need?”  They march and protest about the 1% and demand equity.  They march and protest about certain races needing to “check themselves.”  And in some churches, where we are to be set apart, what do we hear being taught?

The evangelicals who are saying the most and talking the loudest these days about what’s referred to as “social justice” seem to have a very different perspective (than the solution being in the Gospel of Jesus Christ). Their rhetoric certainly points a different direction, demanding repentance and reparations from one ethnic group for the sins of its ancestors against another. It’s the language of law, not gospel—and worse, it mirrors the jargon of worldly politics, not the message of Christ. It is a startling irony that believers from different ethnic groups, now one in Christ, have chosen to divide over ethnicity. They have a true spiritual unity in Christ, which they disdain in favor of fleshly factions. 

John MacArthur, Pastor, Author and host of Grace to You

Social justice is not God’s justice.  Social justice is defined using the word “equity.”  And equity means to take away, even by force or law, from others.  I have seen some pastors tell their mostly white parishioners they need to not just be “not racist” but actively repent to others (not God). Why? For being white and therefore at some point in their white history an injustice was done to another race.  They tell them to be quiet and not have any opinion on community issues because it’s “time for the other side to have their say.”  If you are rich, you must feel guilty, even if you worked your way up from nothing.  If you are a man, your patriarchy is evil.  Divide, divide, divide.  That, my friends, is not God’s plan for His people.  

So according to this view of “social justice,” a person’s skin color might automatically require a public expression of repentance—not merely for the evils of his ancestors’ culture, but also for specific crimes he cannot possibly have been guilty of.   There’s nothing remotely “just” about that idea, nor does any part of it relate to the gospel of Jesus Christ. The answer to every evil in every heart is not repentance for what someone else may have done, but repentance for your own sins, including hatred, anger, bitterness, or any other sinful attitude or behavior.   

John MacArthur

The people described in Solomon’s fourth chapter of Ecclesiastes, titled in most Bibles, Oppression, Toil, Friendlessness, are not the reason why a person today is oppressed any more than a person 200 years ago or 30 years ago is the reason.  People who are hated today – no matter their skin color, creed, financial status, or even sexuality – are treated badly because of today’s sins by people actually committing them.  And no church or Christian should teach that the way to resolution is more of the same.

Envy of the rich, hatred of the poor, disdain for a person’s skin color or social status, distrust and hatred of the sexes are all tools of the devil.  All methods to divide and conquer.  It’s been that way since before Solomon’s time — even by people who know the Word of God but don’t live it.  If we take the route of retribution hatred grows and life becomes wrought with despair. Each sinful tool serves only to make life seem meaningless and hopeless.  

But God as a different plan for us. One that will set you apart. Join me this Wednesday for Part Two of Enjoying Being Set Apart! Click here for part two.


*Tom is not his real name.

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A Plan for Us

The Lord God said, “It is not good for the man to be alone. I will make a helper suitable for him.” Genesis 2:18

I’ll be honest, I never thought I’d get married.  Partially because I just wasn’t raised thinking about marriage and partially because I was the product of a marriage based on very little respect for each other.  For many years, God allowed me to live my life in sexual sin.  I went from one man to another, sometimes only passing through in the night.  But God always has a plan for each and every one of us.  For me, that plan included being given the gift of a wonderful husband. 

In our early years, my husband and I weren’t faithful followers of Jesus.  But he, at least, had a Christian background from which to draw.  When I look back over our first 10 years of marriage I can see where I am grateful for that tension of knowing some of what God expected from us as a couple.  I say “tension” because whenever we live outside of God’s narrow path we can either 1) live like we don’t have a clue that what we are doing is ungodly or 2) have some concept of ungodliness which can then pull us into learning more.  We will be judged in the end so I’d rather not be oblivious to my sins and take the opportunity to work on them!

In our marriage we struggled for control.  Control of who would be the head of our household.  Control of our finances.  Control over long term decisions for our family.  Over discipline of our kids.  Over our time management.    Looking back, I was only doing what I had learned in my family home.  A weak father figure gives way to a power vacuum.  On the other hand, my husband came from a strong, godly father-led family.  And so the back and forth went on and on.

The woman said to the serpent, “We may eat fruit from the trees in the garden, but God did say, ‘You must not eat fruit from the tree that is in the middle of the garden, and you must not touch it, or you will die.’”  Genesis 3:2-3

There’s a lot of talk in feminist circles and the media about the “patriarchy” and how men shouldn’t “keep women down.”  But from the beginning God had a very clear plan for women and men.  Women were to be the “helpers,” assisting their Adams to be the best men they could be.  Like a good golf caddy, this is no job to take lightly.  Yet we arrive at Genesis 3 and Eve immediately forgoes her heavenly role.  Instead of seeking wisdom from her husband she is drawn to the words of the serpent.  The fleshly desires pull her farther and farther away from God’s plan. 

The man said, “The woman you put here with me—she gave me some fruit from the tree, and I ate it.” Genesis 3:12

And the result?  As you can read above the entire plan is turned upside down.  Eve takes the lead and Adam falls into a weak position of blame.  Eve is punished by God for her role in the Great Fall with painful childbirth and the knowledge that men will rule over her.  But when you read the punishment of Adam, he receives a harsh future that effects every area of his life.  

I have to be honest and say that every marriage I have been around that was in serious trouble was a direct result of this upside down relationship.  That’s not to say there aren’t men who disobey God’s command to love their wives as Christ loves the church (Eph 5:25).  But so often in our modern world and as a result of the feminist movement which started in the 70s, women have jostled or demanded control in their relationships. Like all actions that go against God’s holy plan we see the results with weak husbands and overbearing wives.  And wives who underneath it all desire a man to stand up for them, to take charge, to love them to the point of sacrifice.  

Women of God, the idea of submitting to our husbands or future husbands does not mean we are second class citizens.  You’ll notice in Genesis 3:16 Eve’s punishment was to have men rule over her.  Therefore, it wasn’t God’s plan for men to “rule” over her in the first place.  Thankfully Jesus came to give us a new covenant, reminding us that although there is still a hierarchy of responsibility, every person is of equal value. A helper doesn’t mean you are less than the one being helped.  It’s taken me awhile to truly understand this.  What it means is we trust God’s plan.  And if we have chosen wisely, we trust our husbands who also trust God.  We trust them to take care of the family business.  We trust they will have our best interest in mind.  We trust they love us so much they want us to be content. 

If our husbands are not trustworthy in those areas or men of faith, who are we to blame?

He had seven hundred wives of royal birth and three hundred concubines, and his wives led him astray. 1 Kings 11:3

King Solomon was considered one of the wisest men of all time.  Yet it was his wives that managed to turn him away from God, to lead him astray.  Our role as our husband’s life caddy is so important that we can’t let what the world says about feminism and submission sway us from following God’s plan.  A good and godly wife holds so much sway over her husband.  And the world laughs at us thinking a bigger paycheck or fancy job title is what’s most important.  Our work in helping our husbands will take us a lifetime — much of the time simply modeling godly behavior, control over our emotions, showing love, showing faith in the Almighty and our men.

Eve’s veering from God’s plan, leading her husband to a great sin, can make me so angry at times.  But then I think about the times I placed myself above my husband and ask for mercy.  It took a lot of intentional work on my part to step back and encourage and teach my husband how to place himself at the head of our family.  He didn’t think I needed him, ever.  

Friends, whether you are a husband, wife, or not yet married we must stand resolutely against how the world wants to define marriage.  We can’t let the world define what “submission” looks like in God’s world.  His great plan for man and woman, joined together in harmony is just the example for what is the final plan.  The ultimate marriage between Jesus and His bride will be full of love, joy, beauty and compassion.  Let’s start today with making those fruits part of our earthly marriages.