Tag: grief

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30 Days of Reverence

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I’m going to be completely honest.  For the last 6 months or so I’ve struggle with my faith.  I haven’t lost faith.  No, it’s more that I have struggled to feel my faith, to be emotionally involved in it.  Knowledge is gained each day with my studies.  I trust that God will provide.  And I have continued to pray throughout my days.  Only on rare occasions, which usually involve being outdoors, have I felt my faith.

I know I’m not the only one who has had periods like this.  Some say they aren’t hearing from God, or they can’t feel His love or His presence.  I have a friend who went through something similar for 10 years during a very difficult time in her life.

A week or so ago my husband and I visited Santa Fe, New Mexico.  There’s a beautiful Catholic cathedral in the center of town.  Upon entering we discovered they were celebrating 50 years of service by their priest, Jerome Joseph Martinez y Alire.  I was handed a small card with his photo featuring him at his ordination in 1976.  But what caught my attention was the prayer he allowed them to print on the card.  A prayer he prays every Sunday evening.

Dearest Lord,

I sometimes feel I’m only going through the motions of a relationship with you.  Intellectually I know you are with me always, but doing your work as a priest distracts me from falling more in love with you.

But I know you are infinitely patient with me.  Although at times I know you must feel sorrow at the times I neglect your many invitations to enter more deeply into your heart.

Help me then realize that you alone are Savior and that the work I do for you depends on its success upon your grace, not my efforts.  Teach me how to rest in your infinite tenderness for me.  Amen 

The truth is, God has never moved. He is always near. But prolonged grief, stress, and exhaustion can dull our awareness of His presence. After years marked by loss, caregiving, and constant pressure, I realized my soul had grown weary. My emotions had shut down, and my spirit needed rest and remembrance.

For most of 2025 I spent my time at my father’s doctor’s offices, infusion clinics, and rehabilitation centers.  I made endless phone calls handling both my mom’s death paperwork and then my dad’s medical appointments.  My visits to my grandchildren were few and far between.  And as my father declined, he came to live with us.  My trips outside the house became less frequent.  And the need to be his constant caretaker set my own life aside. 

I’m not complaining.  In fact, the LORD’s presence and peace carried me through vast amounts of that time.  I saw Him at work in me and those around me.  

When my father died in September of 2025 I hit a wall.  I’ve read studies on the troubling effects of long-term elevated stress.  The results of which I believe hit me like a rock.

According to an article by Ann Pietrangelo in Healthline, chronically high cortisol and symptoms of chronic stress go hand in hand. These include:

  • Fatigue
  • Sleep issues
  • Irritability
  • Anxiety
  • Weight gain, especially around the abdomen
  • High blood pressure
  • Brain fog
  • Forgetfulness
  • Frequent headaches

Chronic stress has real consequences. I see these same effects in friends caring for aging parents and in others still recovering from recent years of upheaval.

But God.

Despite my (and maybe your) recent feeling of disconnectedness, God has given me so many past experiences where He and I were closely tethered.  I’ve drawn on those to remind me that He is a God who loves me.  A God who sees me.  A God who wants my burdens.  

About a month ago I embarked on a study of the book of Romans.  My plan was to do a series on it.  But at the halfway point I felt overwhelmed with the prospect and underwhelmed with desire.  It’s sitting, waiting for me to finish.  

Recently, I asked God to help me start a project, any project, that I could sink my teeth into.  He has nudged me through various podcasts, devotionals, and sermons.  

In difficult times, in times of loss, in times of detachment, in times of disappointment, we need most of all to remember.  To remember who God is and where we stand with Him.  To remember what has been done for us.  To remember the character and attributes of the God Most High.

In such times we are called to praise and worship.  So that’s what I’m going to do.  In the back of Jen Wilkins’ amazing Bible study on Revelation, you’ll find a long list of the attributes of God.  I’m taking that as my guide for 30 days.  

If you find yourself weary, disconnected, or longing to feel close to God again, I invite you to join me. Together, let us remember. Let us worship. Let us stand in reverent awe of the One who has never left us.

30 Days of Reverence begins April 1 with a twice a week blog post. I hope you’ll walk this journey with me.

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To Walk In His Steps

krisshetter 
“My prayer is not that you take them out of the world but that you protect them from the evil one.  They are not of the world, even as I am not of it.  Sanctify them by the truth; your word is truth. As you sent me into the world, I have sent them into the world. For them I sanctify myself, that they too may be truly sanctified.”  John 17:15-19 

If you’ve spent any time reading my posts you’ve probably discovered I have had a difficult relationship with my parents.  My father, the atheist, and my mother, the rejector of all things “church” have led lives which saw an ever-decreasing circle of family and friends.  During the last 10 years or so, my mother set about turning her back on not only me but one of her granddaughters and subsequently her two grandchildren.  My dad, a quiet, unassuming man, felt the best way to keep the peace was to follow along.  So, one day he told me to stop calling and checking in because each time I said even, “Hello” his world would turn to chaos.

Much of what my mom set about doing was, I believe, due to mental illness as time went on.  However, I also came to realize she suffered from a life-long emotional need that was never fully met.  She desired love but just could never fully surrender to what that all entailed – time spent together, joy, forgiveness, empathy, giving freely, and even physical contact.

The Bible tells us emphatically to “honor your father and mother.” (Exodus 20:12 & Deuteronomy 5:16).  Jesus, in Gethsemane, told His Holy Father that He would suffer an excruciating death in order to do His Father’s will.  Well, I spent a lot of time with God over the last 20 years trying to figure out exactly what that meant.  I sought to understand what walking in Jesus’ obedient steps would look like in my life.

I may have said in the past that my process of coming to a “good place” with my parents went through all the stages of grief.  

  1. Denial
  2. Anger
  3. Bargaining
  4. Depression
  5. Acceptance

At some point I realized I was in the midst of this process because I grasped that what was happening was the death of something that God has ordained as good – the parent/child relationship.  When I finally stopped working so hard at getting their approval and love, I needed to see what God wanted out of me in terms of “acceptance.”  How could I show the love of Christ and glorify Him in my steps?

The LORD, was sanctifying me through a very personal and long-term problem.  I knew the acceptance of the situation still meant I needed to obey His Word.  That became obvious during COVID and my prayer time.  My prayers turned from “please fix them” to “how can I best love these folks that gave me life?”  I obeyed when He showed me the way.  And even though I was turned away so often, I was no longer hurt because I knew I served Him well.

Last year, the LORD moved this situation into a new realm.  I truly believe He saw I was ready for more Kingdom work.  On July 11, 2024 a family friend called to tell me my mom had suddenly died from an aortic embolism.  My father had called him to get a ride home from the hospital.

As I rushed to my parent’s home to meet my dad, I didn’t know what to think, what to expect.  But I knew God had shifted my life and I was ready to embark on whatever new path of sanctification He was taking me.

As I stood next to my father, who sat stunned in our friend’s passenger seat in his driveway, I felt God’s powerful presence leading me to complete forgiveness, compassion and love.  I embraced my dad and we cried together.  I took a big leap forward that night on my way to Jesus’ desire of holiness in me.

I’ve hopefully set the framework of why we get sanctified and by whom in the last few posts.  Over the next few weeks, I’m going to show you some practical ways the Holy Spirit, given through Jesus’ death and resurrection, calls us, speaks to us, guides us, and comforts us as we are being sanctified.  Lessons learned over the last few years, especially the dramatic turn of events in my life last year.

We will walk through these 5 potential spiritual growth areas:

  1. Knowledge
  2. Trials
  3. Obedience
  4. Wisdom
  5. Stewardship

So, I hope you join me next week as we stride our way into our first topic of knowledge – the way to gain it and use it to bring us closer to our God Almighty.

This week’s question: In absolute honesty, where do you turn to first when you have questions about the Christian faith?

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Rise & Shine

krisshetter 
“Arise, shine, for your light has come,
    and the glory of the Lord rises upon you.
See, darkness covers the earth
    and thick darkness is over the peoples,
but the Lord rises upon you
    and his glory appears over you." Isaiah 60:1-2

Rise and shine and give God the glory! Those are the words I heard when I first woke this morning. You see I had told my husband last night, just before we went to sleep, that I had no idea what I was going to write about today. Zip, zilch, nada. But I wasn’t worried. I didn’t lay awake all night concerned about the words that had yet to come. Why? Because over a month ago I made the commitment to the Lord that I wouldn’t run ahead of Him in this project. I turned any worries I might have over to Him. So, last night I fell into a blissful sleep with the knowledge that our glorious Lord always comes through for us.

You read that correctly. He always comes through on His promises. He is always present to comfort us, to teach us, to protect and heal. The way He accomplishes this may not (and it usually doesn’t) look like how we imagined but, when we have faith in His love for us and we seek Him in every circumstance we will see Him at work.

Yesterday at lunch my friend and I shared the topics of what can keep us up at night: family strife, fears of illness, the state of the world, and even our pets. As the Lord has worked on the part of my body that brings me so much grief — my mind — He has shown me how to turn each thought over to Him in trust and prayer.  To release my prideful ideas of control and be still of mind.

"The thief comes only to steal and kill and destroy; I have come that they may have life, and have it to the full." John 10:10

That thief? He is the one keeping you up at night. He is the one that whispers that you must be the one to fix other people. He reminds you that death may be just around the corner. He reveals to you all your weaknesses and screw ups. He places the doubt of God’s sovereignty and love in your mind.  He’s convincing you to expect bad things to happen. He’s the one telling you to clean up your act before you can come bow down before our Mighty and Glorious King. Ugh! I hate that guy! The king of lies. 

"Rejoice not over me, O my enemy;
    when I fall, I shall rise;
when I sit in darkness,
    the Lord will be a light to me." Micah 7:8

Oh, yes we will rise! We will rise because when we pray, the glory of the Lord shines a light on the lies. Before we go to bed each night we turn every single thought over to Him and we don’t take it back. We put it in God’s holy lockbox. We pray for the hope of tomorrow. That the Lord will do a mighty work in our circumstances. Because Jesus came to slay that serpent and indwell in us the fruit of the spirit.

I heard in a podcast this morning that Israel’s enemies would try to defeat them by putting rocks in their fruitful wells. King David was said to have opened all the wells up in victory. That’s what we need to pray today. For the Lord not to fill us — as believers we already have the gift of the Spirit in us — but to remove all those rocks we have placed in our well. It may be bitterness, jealousy, fear, mistrust, anger or any number of negative thoughts and actions. We pray not to be filled but to break down those rocks and fully utilize the glorious gifts we’ve been given such as love, joy and especially peace.

Oh, that blissful peace. It’s what we yearn for each night we lay our heads to rest. My friends, it’s time to unblock our wells and give God the glory for all He has done and will do for you. The hope of today and tomorrow that He will be present in your life every single moment.

And when you rise, give God all glory and honor and power. Amen.

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He Will Provide

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Lessons from Cherith

The Lord upholds all who fall, and raises up all who are bowed down.  Psalm 145:14

We had come to Colorado after receiving the news – my mother-in-law’s constant bowel pain was the result of peritoneal cancer, a rare and deadly disease.  She had never fully recovered from her bout with uterine cancer diagnosed just 18 months prior.  Her markers were clear but this painful and never-ending pain in her stomach kept her sidelined.  We will never know why it wasn’t discovered sooner but there are blessings even in that.

And so, after setting her up on hospice and determining that additional in-home care wouldn’t be sufficient and was well beyond what my father-in-law could afford, I offered to stay longer.  As I said goodbye to my husband who needed to get back to San Diego for work, I was faced with my usual self-doubt.  “I’m not good at this kind of thing” I said to myself.  “I’m not a sweet, kind, compassionate person” I lamented.  “I never know what to say in difficult times” I fretted.  

I was scared to face day-to-day the woman I love as my own mother as she lay living out her last days.  I was worried about how to be around my quiet father-in-law.  I definitely was concerned how to handle all her friends who wanted to visit and needed a shoulder to cry on. And then I finally remembered God.

He has caused his wonders to be remembered;
    the Lord is gracious and compassionate.
5 He provides food for those who fear him;
    he remembers his covenant forever. Psalm 111: 4-5

I went for a walk and soaked in the beauty of the Colorado mountains and realized I didn’t need to have all those gifts.  He has blessed me with so many other gifts that were needed – organizing, communication, and more.  And what I now needed was to lean on Him for the rest of what was required.  

My BSGs had just finished Shirley Giles Davis’ study book, God. Gifts. You. Which takes a deep dive into the list of the gifts given by the Holy Spirit.  Coincidently she lives and works in Boulder, Colorado, just a few miles from where I now found myself needing the strength of God’s gifts.  She reminded us that our gifts can be used for good and have their own pitfalls if used incorrectly.  She showed us how God’s beautiful world can only function properly when we appreciate and honor the intricate ways all people’s gifts are used in harmony.  

As for me, I call to God, and the Lord saves me.  Psalms 55:16

And so, I called on God in humility.  I thanked Him for the blessings of financial security that helped me be there.  I listed in thankfulness the gifts of the Holy Spirit which have been endowed to me.  And I prayerfully spoke the following:

“Lord, I cannot do this without you.  I don’t have the right words for the right moments so I need the Holy Spirit to speak for me.  I don’t have the strength for this gracious Father.  I need you to keep me strong and lifted or I will fail.  Only through your loving grace, using my gifts that I have been blessed with and you filling in the rest will I be able to glorify you and help Bev and all those around her. Please Lord speak in place of my words and be my strength.” Amen

His intervention was immediate as He surrounded me with His love and peace.  All those worries and fears dissipated.  And for the next three weeks the Holy Spirit held me up and spoke for me.  He spoke to the friends who left Bev’s room crying in despair.  He spoke to family members who handle grief differently than me.  He spoke to Bev while I read her Psalms each day to comfort her.  And He kept me from being tired and weak.  I could wake at any hour with ease to administer medication, keep the house clean, and make meals for the ever changing number of people at the house.  He provided, just as He promises, just as He always has.

You are my strength, I sing praises to you; you, God are my fortress, my God on whom I can rely.  Psalms 59:17

My BSGs recently completed Priscilla Shirer’s study on Elijah.  In her week 6 video she mentions the definition of faith as aligning our entire life with God’s 8,000 promises found in His Word.  Our faith doesn’t need to be some mysterious feeling that is undefinable.  It’s simple, when we believe God’s promises and live like we do then that is faith.  That’s what Elijah did when he went, as directed by God, to Cherith — a lonely, dry, desolate place. God provided in ways only He can with food delivered by ravens and just enough water to get by for about two years. Elijah knew he couldn’t make it on his own. He needed God to survive. All his knowledge and gifts weren’t going to help him. God would need to fill in where he was lacking.

Friends, God promises over and over to provide for us.  The Bible is filled with endless stories of His provision.  Our own lives are testimonies to those provisions.  Sometimes we just need to remember to humbly ask for Him to provide where we are weak and not gifted.

The morning my beloved Bev went to our Father I was blessed again to have God show me how much He had answered my prayer.  I needed some alone time so I decided to take a shower.  As I stood in the bathroom waiting for the water to warm up, I suddenly felt a huge weight press on me – like an anvil was placed on each shoulder.  I cried out in surprise and then it was gone.  I knew He was showing me what He had sheltered me from for the last few weeks.  And although I am still experiencing the grief of Bev being gone from this earth, that heavy weight has never returned.  I can thank God and the Holy Spirit for being my weight bearers.  And I can thank God that He will provide in our weakest moments.

Where in your life to do you need to ask for God’s provision?  
Where do you feel insufficient and weak?  Ask Him today He will provide!